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It's been a while since I have been on here

Amy22Amy22 Posts: 4,968 The Mix Elder
edited December 2024 in Health & Wellbeing
So it's been kind of a while since I have come on here really as things have been super busy irl (me sorting out my part time seasonal job as well as sorting out Christmas). I just feel like lately and this will sound silly like I have been anxious recently (specifically I noticed today I felt anxious even though I have no reason to feel anxious because im not worried about anything like at all). I know I have been into a show called Dexter and I do get hyperfixations sometimes to the point where my brain wont stop thinking about that hyperfixation which I hate sometimes because I wish I could just turn my brain off you know (like a little switch and everything would be less stressful and easy). Also there's parts of that show that can be quite dark and maybe that scares me a bit I think (I dont know why sometimes I am into dark things maybe it comforts me I guess). I think christmas time I find things more overwhelming because of sorting out gifts and also having to embrace a lot of change into my routine as well I guess. Also this is another silly worry of mine, I enjoy reading fanfic and I also love reading charlie and the chocolate factory fanfic sometimes because of a certain character I like (I also like blueberry tf which I read on devinart and I use AI dungeon and I shouldent use it really because I enjoy writing and AI is the complete opposite of using my brain). I tend to hate myself a lot. I dont know why I am into certain things. Also, I have been thinking a lot about past mistakes I have made when I used to copy drawings on my art course in college and when I had to also google one of the prompts in animation class because I couldent draw it from my imagination even though I was told to. I also had to watch a video to help me with a maths paper/test I did and my mum sat in with me on a maths test online during covid because I panicked and my mind went blank. I came clean to my tutor who said that the one paper wasnt going to my final grade and I felt bad because it felt like cheating. I dont know sorry I think I just need to vent and rant all of this out right now. :/
Just a person who likes pop culture and films

Comments

  • eylaheylah Posts: 5,828 Part of The Furniture
    sending you so many hugs amy 🫂❤️
    keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍

    pfp made by @Chloe234 ❤️
  • JJLemon18JJLemon18 Community Champion Posts: 2,087 Boards Champion
    Just wanted to say your feelings are valid but you have no reason to worry, you're not alone in this. I myself havent been on here in almost 3 weeks :sweat_smile:

    A lot of your post sounds like its caused by neurodivergence, and thats ok. Pretty sure most neurodivergent people wish they could just 'turn it off' hehe, but it don't work like that.

    Just give yourself the time and respect you deserve, and know that you don't have to be 'perfect' in every way. Let yourself cheat sometimes, let yourself fixate on stuff, let yourself google things that might feel a little silly. And know that you're probably not the only one doing so.

    Take care of yourself! Sending hugs <3
    Believe in me - who believes in you
  • Amy22Amy22 Posts: 4,968 The Mix Elder
    @JJLemon18 aw thank you so much I really appreciate the post a lot. I guess sometimes I can have some 'low' moments in the months where I just feel very low and I tend to dwell on things to be fair.

    @eylah Aw thank you so much, I really appreciate it right now <3.
    Just a person who likes pop culture and films
  • shannon_164shannon_164 Posts: 540 Incredible Poster
    @Amy22 i just wanted to say that there is no reason to apologise for needing to vent and rant, how you feel is so valid and we all care about you here! sharing how you feel is also a super brave thing to do so i’m proud of you for that🩷

    anytime i have seen you in chats n stuff you’ve always been so so supportive to everybody, you’re such a kind n caring person! you deserve support too🫶🏻
  • Amy22Amy22 Posts: 4,968 The Mix Elder
    Thank you @shannonxg_ I can reassure you though that I am not a very brave person. In fact I am a very highly anxious and scared person. I have to calculate everything I do and I have to be careful I don't make mistakes (Im scared of making them sometimes eventhough I am self aware that making mistakes is how we learn and grow in life). I guess I like helping others because I can't look after myself I guess so by helping others I think it makes me feel worthy and good sometimes I don't know. I guess im lucky too I got a good family where I can talk about my feelings to them even though sometimes I try to act strong and take things on because I hate who I am sometimes. I just find it hard talking about how I feel in general, I wish it was kind of easier to explain things sometimes but I dont know how. Maybe it comes in the form of venting on here really and as you probably know my rants or vents are super long and some dont make any rational sense. I struggle to put things into context and rationalise my worries and problems.
    Just a person who likes pop culture and films
  • sinead276sinead276 Posts: 1,813 Extreme Poster
    just wanted to say i'm sending you lots of hugs @Amy22. i know how hard it can be to be an anxious person and to not like making mistakes, especially at this time of the year (i often feel exactly the same) so just wanted you to know that you definitely aren't alone in feeling that way. The Mix will always be here for you when you need a place for a good rant/vent.

    remember to be kind to yourself and that we are all here for you whenever you need us :3
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