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Healing

Summerjune15Summerjune15 Posts: 99 Budding Regular
I am so ready to just leave my past in the past and become a new healed version of myself but I have no clue how to start this healing journey does anyone know where I can start thank you❤️

Comments

  • Rose113Rose113 Community Champion Posts: 2,818 Boards Guru
    Defo self care and learning to put your first is the start to recovery 💕

    Proud of you and you’ve got this :)
    Want to hurt me… go ahead
    Wish to bully me…I’m used to it
    Want to talk crap about me…go on then
    Want to make me cry…feel free
  • eylaheylah Posts: 5,828 Part of The Furniture
    you got this beautiful! i believe in you! so so proud of everything you do for yourself keep going ❤️
    keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍

    pfp made by @Chloe234 ❤️
  • Summerjune15Summerjune15 Posts: 99 Budding Regular
    @Rose113 thank you❤️
  • Summerjune15Summerjune15 Posts: 99 Budding Regular
    @eylah Thankyou gorgeous❤️
  • eylaheylah Posts: 5,828 Part of The Furniture
    @eylah Thankyou gorgeous❤️

    always! im here for you no matter what ❤️
    keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍

    pfp made by @Chloe234 ❤️
  • Sian321Sian321 Community Manager Posts: 271 The Mix Regular
    edited December 2024
    Hey @Summerjune15 , I just wanted to jump on here to say that your post feels so beautiful - the fact that you're wanting to begin this healing journey for yourself, and reaching out for support. And at the same time, it is so valid to not know where to begin with healing. We're here for you <3

    The first thing that came to my mind when I read your post was a feeling of curiosity about what you might need to leave the past in the past. For example, what would leaving the past behind look like? Are there any past events or situations that you're craving closure around? (No pressure to share here, just an invite to reflection!) Are there any feelings about the past that are still unexpressed which deserve your recognition?

    I would also love to hear, when you envision your most healed self, what do you see? How does she feel day-to-day? What is bringing her happiness? What do her relationships look like, and her day-to-day routine? I wonder whether you could allow yourself to do some 'blue-skies-thinking' here, letting yourself dream <3

    I know this is a lot of questions and I don't necessarily mean for you to feel pressured to reply here! I just felt very inspired by your post and wanted to offer some reflections! Sending hugs, @Summerjune15 :3
  • Summerjune15Summerjune15 Posts: 99 Budding Regular
    Hey @Sian321 thank you and I just need to get over the trauma I’ve been through I just want to leave the life I have now and start a new one chuck all the broken relationships I have with my family (because they don’t believe I was abused by my boyfriend and haven’t helped me with the trauma at all) and just want to leave them behind and visit them but houses are so expensive it’s not like I can move out I might be going to supported living when I am 18 I haven’t thought about it yet it sounds amazing but terrifying at the same time and the new healed version of me just wouldn’t feel broken and a complete mess anymore I will have healthy friendships (which I do now anyway I love my friends to death I don’t know where I would be without them) I can’t wait for my future I will be healed I will have the job I love I will be able to drive (actually can’t wait to drive just to drive to car parks and watch the sunset / rise with hot chocolate and blankets the best thing to do ever😂) I can’t wait to take my nephew on day trips out I can’t wait to own my house and I want a child when I’m older but I need to be 100% healed before any man comes into my life I can’t risk going through what I’ve been through all over again but thank you❤️
  • Sian321Sian321 Community Manager Posts: 271 The Mix Regular
    Hey @Summerjune15 , ah I felt so excited for you reading this post. The way your friends support you, your dreams of learning how to drive soon so you can watch the sunset and drink cosy hot chocolates, feeling whole and grounded in yourself, owning a home of your own, spending time with your nephew, a child of your own one day. All of this sounds so beautiful <3

    You mentioned that one of the first steps towards building this future for yourself is healing from the trauma you've been through esspecially with your boyfriend and family. What you've described about not being believed sounds so painful to go through, @Summerjune15 and I can imagine it feeling extreamly isolating too. I wonder whether you've ever recieved any support following the abuse you experienced with him, and whether that's something you'd be interested in?

    Moving into supported living when you're 18 also sounds like a big shift, and I hear you when you say it's both amazing and terrifying. May I ask, what are the parts you're frightened about?

    We're here for you, @Summerjune15 and thanks so much for sharing <3
  • Summerjune15Summerjune15 Posts: 99 Budding Regular
    Hey @Sian321 i have received support from new pathways but it was hard because I struggle talking verbally to people I don’t know especially about things like trauma and it was over the phone so I couldn’t write things down like I would normally communicate when I can’t verbally and when I started talking to her she kinda told me off for crying she said “if you are going to cry then we won’t talk about it” I didn’t say anything for the rest of the session and said I didn’t want to see her anymore and moving in supported living does sound really exiting and independent but it’s also terrifying I kinda sectioned the positives and negatives to way out which ones have more positives I will have my own room and independence and hopefully make new friends the negatives are sharing a bathroom (I am a germ freak I am terrified of germs) and sharing a shower sounds scary too because it’s not your family your sharing with it’s strangers and shared living room and kitchen I don’t think I will cope sensory wise I get overstimulated really easy and sensory overloads for example I had 2 today but yeah I don’t know I’m 18 In 5 months so I have got a bit to think about it I just don’t know but yeah❤️
  • Summerjune15Summerjune15 Posts: 99 Budding Regular
    @Sian321 also your dog is sooooo cuteeee🥹
  • JMMV2005JMMV2005 Posts: 116 The Mix Convert
    @Summerjune15 Its brilliant that you want to heal and self improve, the fact that you have this mindset is the first step to improvement

    I’ve been going through the experience of self improvement and leaving the past behind myself, so I’ll share a few things I’ve learned

    You have to forgive yourself and be kind to yourself and not beat yourself up because of past mistakes, we all make mistakes and thats ok, you also have to let go of mean things people have said to you, the words from others can never truly define you and if someone says something horrible to you it says more about them than about you, another thing to do is to feel highly motivated to self improve and leave your old self behind, I use all the angry emotions I have about my past as a motivator, like I think about things in the past and I think “I don’t want this to be my future and I’ll do anything I reasonably can to change things” and then I use the drive of my past anger as a motivator to change things for the future, basically it’s good to have a strong motivation to change things because it gives you a huge boost of energy to change things and if theres a setback and you get knocked down you have the strength to get up again

    I’d also recommend writing new years resolutions for 2025 and thinking to yourself “I’m gonna make 2025 my year by doing these resolutions”

    That’s probably the best advice I can give, like I said I’m on the journey to self improvement myself so I’m still learning things

    You have the right attitude and you’ve got this!
  • Summerjune15Summerjune15 Posts: 99 Budding Regular
    @JMMV2005 thank you I wish there was an easy way to get through trauma but sadly It’s not like I can’t ask for a new brain a brain with no trauma I wish that was the case but it isn’t and I need to get a grip of myself I can’t feel so broken for the rest of my life and all this anger I have in me doesn’t help but just punching a punching bag has helped a-lot recently so that’s a plus but with healing there’s this stage I really don’t want to do and it sounds like the hardest one is talking about the trauma and reliving it I just ain’t ready for that I would rather forget and I can’t find in me to forgive my ex or my family and definitely not myself but good luck with your journey you got this and you will smash it❤️
  • sinead276sinead276 Posts: 1,813 Extreme Poster
    just wanted to wish you lots of luck on your healing journey @Summerjune15 - we are all behind you supporting you on this journey and i'm sure you'll absolutely smash it. :3<3
  • JMMV2005JMMV2005 Posts: 116 The Mix Convert
    @Summerjune15 Everyone has trauma, a brain without trauma does not exist, and if there is anyone lucky enough out there to have no trauma then their a very low percentage of the population and their bound to experience trauma at some point in their lives because everyone does at some point, so you don’t need a brain without trauma to be happy because everyone has at least a tiny bit and everyone you see who is genuinely happy has some trauma in there that they’ve managed to overcome, and don’t worry you have the strength inside you to overcome your own trauma, keep working on self improvement and you’ll unlock that

    Also with trauma theres gonna be challenging things you have to do to overcome it, but it’s better to face those fears than to ignore them and still have the trauma bothering you, and also you don’t have to face the biggest challenge first, you can do smaller challenges and slowly work your way up and build your confidence until your ready to face the big challenge, your still gonna have some fear when facing this big challenge but it won’t be as strong and you’ll feel able to take it on despite the fear, unfortunately theres no easy way out of this but it’s worth taking on the challenge for your long term happiness

    Also I don’t know what your ex and your family did to you, but I’m guessing they’ve hurt you in some way, you don’t have to forgive people who hurt you, you only have to forgive yourself

    Don’t doubt yourself because you have the strength in you to do this, and I know that because every single human being alive has the courage and the capability to take on challenges

    So don’t doubt yourself because your capable of it and your already doing the right things, plus if you don’t believe you can do things its less likely you’ll be able to do them because your basically creating a barrier to stop you doing it, so it’s so important to believe in yourself and have the right attitude

    Don’t bring yourself down you’ve genuinely got this
  • Summerjune15Summerjune15 Posts: 99 Budding Regular
    @JMMV2005 I never thought about it that way everyone does have some sort of trauma and if they haven’t now they eventually will experience a traumatic experience in their life it feels better to look at it that way instead of feeling sorry for myself and like I am the only one who has trauma when that just isn’t the case and your right again I don’t have to do the biggest challenge first and I do need to stop being doubtful because it is creating a barrier but I don’t think I will ever get over it and it’s been controlling my life for 2 nearly 3 years I can’t just wake up and get over it especially when u haven’t got my family to support me through it I am going to have to do it all by myself and when I mean I don’t have my family because they believed my ex over me and he was the one who was I don’t know if I can say the word on her so TRIGGER WARNING r worded me and my family would say things like you can’t play the r victim and messaging him saying they are so sorry for what I put him through and they won’t let him get down for it etc I will never forgive them and it kills me living in just the same house as my family but I’m only 17 houses are expensive I might be going to a supported living when I am 18 which sounds amazing but terrifying but I am just ranting at this point but thank you
  • Summerjune15Summerjune15 Posts: 99 Budding Regular
    @sinead276 thankyou🫶🏼
  • JMMV2005JMMV2005 Posts: 116 The Mix Convert
    @Summerjune15 Don’t worry about getting stuff off your chest it’s totally ok we all need to let out our emotions sometimes

    When you say you can’t get over the barrier do you mean the trauma? Because you don’t have to 100% get over trauma to be happy, some scars can never be fully healed but you can find a method of still being able to enjoy your life despite it, although I do understand these things don’t happen overnight, but they can happen over time if you take action

    Also you don’t have to go through this alone, if you ever need to talk to someone you can talk to me if you feel comfortable, and theres many people on this website who will also really want to help you, plus there might be groups in your area where you can talk to people about these things or meet people who have been through similar experiences, I guess it depends on where you live if you can get access to any groups like this, but I’m sure theres plenty of groups all over the country who want to help people who are struggling because people need that a lot right now
  • Summerjune15Summerjune15 Posts: 99 Budding Regular
    @JMMV2005 i just want to start a new life you know and I just don’t think I can do that when I still have my parents in my life yes I love them to bits but I also hate them maybe I just have to accept the fact that I’m just going to feel broken and functioning like a robot for the rest of my life but thank you I am here for you too
  • JMMV2005JMMV2005 Posts: 116 The Mix Convert
    @Summerjune15 Thank you

    It’s hard to do things when you live at home and have a difficult relationship with your parents, so I’m sorry its like that, however there are still things you can do for yourself to make things a little better such as being kind and looking after yourself, or doing some drawing or writing, or making a routine etc: Basically little hobbies and goals and positive things can help with hard things or at least be a distraction from them, there only small things at this point but it’s worth doing for your own well-being, also when you take small steps to make things better eventually they lead onto bigger steps and open up new opportunities, a new life will happen but it’ll take time, but think of doing things like this as the change in yourself and the first steps towards a new life

    Also you said you wanted to go on supported living when you are 18, if you feel like you can’t have a life when your living with your parents maybe you should try that, I know it’d be scary but if it meant a better life it’d be worth it

    It’s probably the hardest thing to do to cling onto hope and fight through hard times refusing to accept that things won’t get better despite the uncertainty, but it has to be done to make things better because if you don’t do it you’ll create barriers that you cant get over, I’ve only just recently realised this myself, I used to think things couldn’t possibly get better for me, but eventually I realised things could only possibly get better if I clung onto hope, didn’t let anything set me back, face my fears, and keep doing this despite the uncertainty refusing to believe things can’t get better, I realised if I did this I’d take every opportunity to make my life better and create new opportunities for myself to, that’s how challenges are overcome, and I guess in a way I sort of feel like I’ve found the key to overcoming challenges, and I really want to share that key with others, however it’s difficult to because it’s hard to get people to realise this key and to understand my mindset, probably because like I said having hope in hard times is the most difficult thing to do, but it’s the thing we must do and I guess I feel like I’ve gotta try my best to get people to understand all this

    Sorry about all of that I didn’t mean to make this comment all about me, I just felt like by sharing my experiences and my mindset it might be able to help you in some way, basically in a nutshell what I was trying to explain is I feel like I understand how to overcome challenges and I want to be able to get others to understand it to, but it’s quite difficult to get people to understand it and it pains me because I know if they understood it they would be happier, I hope this doesn’t sound arrogant because it’s not supposed to be arrogant, I just wish I could magically duplicate my positive mindset and give it to others so they can be happier

    I hope this all makes sense and I’m not just rambling, like I said sorry if the message started to be about me rather than you but I just thought if I shared my mindset and experience you might just understand it and it could help you in your own life, also sorry for the really long message, I have a habit of yapping a bit lol and when I write I tend to start writing about really deep themes and then I don’t know when to stop writing
  • Summerjune15Summerjune15 Posts: 99 Budding Regular
    @JMMV2005 thank you and don’t be sorry just reading your comments has helped so thank you and with my mum I love her I do so the past is the past forgive and forget and I am going to winter wonderland with my family to night so hopefully that will build a healthy relationship between me and my mum I remember winter wonderland last year and we all loved it and there where no arguments nothing just laughing and happiness (laughing especially me and my little brother made our parents come on the ferris wheel with us my mum was clinging onto my 9 year olds brothers arm she secretly loved it cause she was laughing just as much😂) but anyways sorry back to the point I will think about supported living my mum and Nana think it will be good for me but my mum did point out a few points which are true like being a house with strangers I don’t know what the people are like with panic attacks and sensory overloads so that’s terrifying but yeah I am already in the healing journey even if I just get through the day that’s good enough and hobbies wise I really want to start boxing but again people I am just terrified of people and as stupid as it sounds I can’t talk verbally to people I don’t know like for an example if I was face to face with you I wouldn’t talk to you at all (that sounded really horrible sorry) but I’m like it with everyone I don’t i communicate with my phone when I can’t talk verbally and then eventually I will start talking verbally to them and it’s okay as you can tell I ramble on too😂
  • JMMV2005JMMV2005 Posts: 116 The Mix Convert
    @Summerjune15 I’m glad you had a nice time at winter wonderland last year, I hope you have a good time this year

    Also about supported living, you’ll probably be living with people who are similar to you or are going through similar struggles to you so they’ll probably understand you and you might make some good friends too

    Also in the journey to recovery it sounds like your doing the right things and have the right attitude

    Plus I also understand being terrified of people, I’m socially anxious myself, but I’ve been forcing myself to go to a coffee shop and buy a coffee twice a week and I have got a little better, but I’m so clumsy when it actually comes to talking to people, slowly getting better at it though, but I just can’t word my words right sometimes and I end up sounding silly or I accidentally do something stupid like interrupt someone like I’m sure when I’ve ordered coffee a few times the person serving has tried to say hello or ask what drink I want and I’ve accidentally interrupted them by just jumping to saying what I want to order lol, yeah it’s so difficult, it’s like your flight or fight response kicks in when your in a social situation, sometimes I have to write things down or use a phone too actually get my point across myself
  • Summerjune15Summerjune15 Posts: 99 Budding Regular
    Thank you I can’t wait but it’s going to be so cold😂 I’ll let you know how it goes (if you want me too) and yeah with the supported living the people who live their will be like me so I got autism and adhd so they might be like me and have both or just one but I’ve got 5 months to think about it and oh my gosh I actually have found someone who’s terrified of people too😂 well done about the coffee shop I am 17 and still don’t even order my own drink my parents or friends do it for me I don’t go anywhere on my own so you should be proud of yourself that’s a really big achievement and same I interrupt people all the time but that’s part of my adhd apparently but I am shy and quiet its like I hide my adhd from people I don’t know but with my friends for example I’m hyper impulsive loud and then there’s a different side of me that’s quiet and shy it’s mad
  • shannon_164shannon_164 Posts: 540 Incredible Poster
    @Summerjune15 i just wanted to say i’m really proud of you for feeling ready to become a healed version of you as that takes a LOT!! it can be super difficult knowing where to start but i think it’s important that you start of with the more ‘simple’ things? even things as small as putting yourself first or doing self care (both which really are quite big changes actually!) then move onto the bigger things afterwards.

    you’re doing so amazingly summer and i’m super proud of you🩷
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