Trauma I thought I dealt with is back and I’m confused

Lucy_21

Hey guys I know I haven’t posted in a bit but something just happened and it’s brought up things about my ex I thought I dealt with and it triggered me so don’t know what to do now. I’m safe promise

I had an abuse ex a few years ago (mentally, emotionally and socially) I finally left him and eventually moved on so I thought. Until this happened on Facebook.

A guy I don’t know commented on a post I was in saying no wonder you’re single all because I called him out for being rude and inappropriate. I told him no it’s because of my last relationship and he said I was lying for attention. I explained that he shouldn’t comment on things like that as a stranger as he doesn’t know the damage it could cause but he continued. I know I should have just let it be but I suddenly got so offended and continued trying to explain. I’m not replying anymore but now it’s making me question things I thought I dealt with. When I explain my relationship situation am I really just wanting attention even if I don’t know it. I’m so confused and just need an outsider perspective.

Maia

Hey @Lucy_21 !

Thank you for confirming that you're feeling safe, that is super important for us to know

I'm really sorry that you're dealing with this right now and I wanted to let you know that you absolutely don’t deserve to be made to feel like that. Those kinds of comments are so unnecessary, and it can really stir up all sorts of old feelings, especially when you’ve been through something as tough as an abusive relationship.

It's totally understandable that this would trigger painful memories. Unfortunately, trauma doesn't always get 'fixed' as such. It can sneak up on us when we least expect it. It sucks, but please don't let this feel like a setback because it's not

It sounds like he was trying to make you doubt your own experiences and feelings by twisting your truth. You know what you’ve been through and how you feel, and no one else has the right to make you doubt that.

When I explain my relationship situation am I really just wanting attention even if I don’t know it. I’m so confused and just need an outsider perspective

This must feel like a really tough question to wrestle with. Sharing your experience is part of your healing. It helps people understand where you’re coming from, and you have the right to explain your feelings. Needing attention or support isn’t a bad thing at all. It’s a natural human need, especially after going through something as difficult as you have. But in this case, you're not just looking for attention; you're expressing something real and important that you’ve been through. You never have to feel silenced because your feelings are sooo valid, and you don’t owe anyone an explanation for why you feel the way you do

How are you feeling since posting this @Lucy_21 ? We're here for you

Lucy_21

Hey @Maia Thank you it really helps having a different perspective and I know I shouldn’t let it get to me I am trying not to but with my anxiety doubts and questions come way too easy and often.

I know I should talk about stuff but every time I do I get ignored or told I’m being stupid so it’s hard.

As for right now I feel horrible but it’s not about this post it’s something that just happened

Katie

Lucy_21 wrote: »

As for right now I feel horrible but it’s not about this post it’s something that just happened

Hey @Lucy_21 how are you doing today? I hear that something has happened unrelated to this post. We're here if you want to talk about it Sending you hugs

Lucy_21

Hey @Katie it’s just my mam sometimes she says and does things that make me see she prefers my sister ally the time and it’s getting harder to ignore

Katie

Hey @Lucy_21 that does seem really hard to deal with. I can hear how frustrating this might feel to cope with on a daily basis and to feel like you're in competition with your sister. Does this sound right?

Can I ask if she has always done this and what she might be saying or doing, if you feel comfortable sharing? I also wonder what your relationship is like with your sister and if you've spoken to her about this.

Thank you for sharing with us too Lucy. We're here with you

Lucy_21

It’s not like a competition exactly and most of the time I love my sister it’s more they treat her older than yet she’s my little sister