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BillieTheBot
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Post edited by JustV on
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Actually, this makes total sense and I'm so glad that you decided to unpack it all here because these things are so so important to talk about.
I know from personal experience just how tricky these thoughts can be. When I was little, I was so sure that I wanted to be a zookeeper but somewhere along the time, I switched gears and decided on becoming a Dr. Now, i'm deep in uni, halfway through my course and recently i've been wondering if this is what I really want. That 'Wait, what am I even doing right now?' moment can be such a jarring feeling.
Do you know what makes it so confusing? I feel like it's because when you've been working towards something for so long, it almost becomes a part of your identity. It's not just "what you want to do"; it's "who you are". When that starts to unravel - because of external stuff, like setbacks, or internal stuff, like changing feelings - it can feel like the ground gets pulled out from under you. Of course it feels confusing and scary. It’s like standing in front of a blank canvas when you thought you were already halfway through the painting. What i'm trying to say here is that your feelings couldn't be more valid. This is what you had your heart set on and it's okay to grieve that dream.
Sounds like a push-pull between 'Do I go back to something familiar?' or 'Do i push forward into something new?' and that must be really overwhelming? The airport clearly holds a special place for you and It’s okay to feel conflicted. Maybe ask yourself: What’s pulling me back? Is it the people, the memories, or the comfort of the familiar? And is there a way I can get those same feelings in a new role or setting? You might find there’s a way to have the best of both worlds.
I hear how much you hate college @shannonxg_ , It's hard enough for you to deal with the stress of college without the added pressure of things not being properly set up for you. With that in mind, it's totally understandable that you'd feel like throwing in the towel. I'm curious here - Is it the course itself making you feel miserable, or is it the lack of support around it? If it's the latter, don’t be afraid to kick up a bit of a stink to get what you need. You’re putting in the effort. You deserve to have the tools to succeed.
this sounds like the golden nugget
None of this is a sign that anything is going wrong, rather, a sign that you're growing and evolving.
You've got to much to offer the world
Regarding working at the airport it sounds like you really enjoyed that work environment and the people, but it sounds like a love hate relationship also. Was it a relief for you when you did leave that job or do you find yourself missing it a lot?
I think by the sounds of it you have found your passion here and its great to hear that. Is this something you can see yourself doing long-term? Sometimes I find making a pros and cons list can be helpful to weigh up your options.
In terms of college it sounds like it's a lot of trouble for you with exam arrangements and your mentor not being very supportive, so I am sorry to hear that you're not receiving the support you deserve. You mentioned that you talked to the wellbeing team about this and that they're trying to sort this, so hopefully that's a move in the right direction. If you don't hear back I would enquire again to see if there are any updates because you have the right to know. For your youth worker qualification do you need to get college qualifications as well? The only reason I am asking is that some positions don't require college qualifications and you may be able to get into the position through other means such as an apprenticeship. Have you had a look into this?
You're doing so well with everything at the moment so you should be proud of yourself for how far you have come!