Wtf is my sexuality (brief mention of sexual themes)

bignosegirly0

I’ve been struggling with my sexuality for months now.

Since I was a child in primary school, I mostly felt attraction to boys/men. Although I felt attraction to my girl classmates without realising it was attraction. This includes:

•me saying if I was a boy, I’d date this female classmate
•thinking one of my female friends is cute and constantly wanting her attention

Because I was sneaky around my parents who tried restricting inapropriate content from, I was exposed to a lot of sexual media which sparked my sexual awakening for women.

At 14, I started questioning the content that aroused me and realised I may be bisexual.

At 16, I lost all attraction to men and thought I was a lesbian. However, my attraction towards men eventually came back

At 18, I became insecure about men not liking me (due to bullying experiences) and developed a massive preference for only men.

Now at 20, I’m confused. I wish I could say I was either, straight, gay or bi. But my sexuality keeps changing.

I find men attractive in my fantasies and in real life. I don’t find women attractive in my fantasies, but I like them in real life or in a sexual content.

I’ve never dated anyone. I wish my sexuality would stay the same and stop switching.

briannat

Hey there @bignosegirly0

Sexuality can be really confusing, this post is pretty relatable. I know for me on my journey it helped to use different labels until I find one that resonated with me the most. It might be helpful to just use the term queer which encompasses a multitude of sexualities and gender. There are also people who prefer to use absolutely no label at all which is also 100% okay. It sounds like your experience with sexuality is pretty fluid which is normal. There is no rush to figuring out who you are, you'll gain more understanding of what you like and what labels you do or don't align with. Your queerness is beautiful in all its forms

sinead276

hey @bignosegirly0 - hope you're doing okay today 😊

like brianna has said, whilst you might feel like you'd want a label to help you understand your sexuality and figure out who you are - there is absolutely no rush to do so. it's okay to maybe try different labels until you find one that feels right for you, or just no label at all. whilst frustrating it is a journey that can take time to understand, but the more you go on it, the more you will learn about yourself and work out who you like. and that is absolutely OKAYYYY. what matters is you remember you are an amazing person who is loved no matter the label.

sending you lots of hugs
Sinead

Sian321

Hey @bignosegirly0 , I just came across your post and wanted to say thanks so much for speaking out about this

I agree with @briannat that this post is really relatable for me! I myself had assumed I was straight throughout High School, then used the label of lesbian for a while, then queer, and then bisexual. It can feel distressing sometimes to notice your sexuality flow and change - like its a struggle to know what feels 'true' or who you authentically are. What is the hardest part for you about struggling with your sexuality?

The fact that you're getting curious about your sexuality and your identity already shows great self-awareness, and it's okay to not have all the answers right now It's also okay for the labels you use / don't use to change based off what fits best in each season of your life. We're here alongside you!

bignosegirly0

@Sian321 the hardest part is feeling like an attention seeker. I haven’t came out to my family (accept from briefly mentioning it once and never again).

However, I’ve been very open with my sexuality towards other people. I’m worried that people will think I’m pretending to be queer for attention.

The last time I’ve opened up about liking girls, a girl asked me “are you a lesbian?” And I said “I’m questioning”.

If I knew my sexuality would change, I would never have opened up to anyone in the first place.