friend said I was difficult

orangemoons

I had a tough conversation with a friend today. Since graduation, I've not heard from them much, and at uni we were best friends. We still meet up and talk sometimes but they leave stuff on delivered for ages and bail on ohone calls. We had a call to talk about it today and they told me it is difficult to be my friend sometimes, and that I complain about my life too much when we call. Apparently this has been an issue since August, so not our whole friendship, but they said I tend to wallow in misery and they asked if they were really the first person to tell me this. I apologised of course and I'm going to try and do better, but this has triggered my ocd quite a lot and I'm terrified that I won't feel normal or comfortable again. I thought it was equal and that I was also listening to them when they were sad and I've supported them a lot, but now I just feel guilty for being a burden and worried everyone sees me like this. How do I overcome this?

briannat

Hey there @orangemoons
I just want to say that it's very mature of you to get this type of feedback from your friend and apologise and want to do better. It shows how much you care about this friend of yours and how important the relationship is for you. It's pretty hurtful to hear this from someone though, it sounds like for you their reasoning felt out of the blue. I know when I share some heavy stuff with my friends I feel a bit better if I ask them if they're okay to listen to what I have to say beforehand, or making sure to ask what's going on in their life too (which you've mentioned that you do). Friendships are relationships we have a right to show up authentically to, which sounds like something you were doing It also helps to have mental health professionals who we can talk to about what we're experiencing so it doesn't feel like we only have our friends.