Home› Health & Wellbeing
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨

my first birthday without my mum 💔

eylaheylah Posts: 5,208 Part of The Furniture
edited December 10 in Health & Wellbeing
its my first birthday without my mum on thursday and im rly struggling bc of it. i wish i wasnt alone for my birthday bc id have mum but i dont i have noone. im struggling so much to comes to terms knowing im still alive knowing i thought i wouldnt be? its so shit bc i have tried the last year to do so much for myself but it hasnt happened. i wanted to get back into college but thats failed i was trying to not sh but thats failed its just like a whole year wasted. i miss mum so much but idk how im supposed to cope :/. being alone is gonna be so hard it rly is i wish mum was here but she isnt i had everything planned with mum but now its not happening bc she’s above. i feel so sad. 💔 im rly broken i rly am why does this have to come around? i wish it wasnt my birthday bc i have so much going on in my life idk how i am gonna cope. im gonna be in pieces that noone will care that its my 19th birthday ( family ) nor even wish me a happy birthday. i wish i could go back to last year where i celebrated my 18th with my whole family including mum bearing in mind her circumstances and now this year im broken im a failure and i have noone. im sounding so stupid rn bc idk but its breaking my heart it rly is bc i wish i had ppl to celebrate with or had ppl who cared abt me enough to even bother but i dont. i am trying my best i rly am but knowing its my first birthday without my best friend my mum its hurting my heart. i wish things was different like last year why? just why i know why but its the big question why my mum? bc if it wasnt her then she would still be to celebrate my birthday Christmas etc. so im a mess i rly am i hate everything 💔
keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍

pfp kindly made by the beautiful chloe ❤️
Tagged:

Comments

  • shannonxg_shannonxg_ Posts: 257 The Mix Regular
    aw eylah:( i can't even imagine how difficult this must be for you but pls know im always here for you and im super proud of you for dealing with so much, you're honestly SUCH an amazing person
  • shannonxg_shannonxg_ Posts: 257 The Mix Regular
    hey i did add a heart to that but it deleted it lol, imagine this 🩷 is in the previous message haha
  • TheNightmareTheNightmare Posts: 2,590 Boards Guru
    edited December 10
    I'm so sorry you're feeling this way right now. Birthdays, especially the first ones without someone you love, can be incredibly hard. It’s okay to feel sad, and it doesn’t make you a failure. The pain of missing your mum is deep, and it’s okay to grieve that. Even though things haven’t gone as planned, you're still doing your best, and that’s something to be proud of. You don’t have to go through this alone, even if it feels like it. Your mum would be so proud of your strength, even on the tough days. Take things one step at a time, and remember that it's okay to reach out for support when you need it. You’re not a mess, just someone who is hurting, and that’s completely understandable.
  • eylaheylah Posts: 5,208 Part of The Furniture
    thankyou @TheNightmare thats kind of you to say.
    its not even the fact i have no gifts cards bc i dont care abt that but its abt the fact i have noone in my life who cares abt me i am alone every day and ppl take my kindness for granted and its hurtful bc mum was the only person who always cared me and never used me so its shit bc i spent all my other birthdays with her and im in a homeless flat alone from everyone and have noone. its so shit 💔
    keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍

    pfp kindly made by the beautiful chloe ❤️
  • TheNightmareTheNightmare Posts: 2,590 Boards Guru
    eylah wrote: »
    thankyou @TheNightmare thats kind of you to say.
    its not even the fact i have no gifts cards bc i dont care abt that but its abt the fact i have noone in my life who cares abt me i am alone every day and ppl take my kindness for granted and its hurtful bc mum was the only person who always cared me and never used me so its shit bc i spent all my other birthdays with her and im in a homeless flat alone from everyone and have noone. its so shit 💔

    We care about you ❤️
  • Insideout2003Insideout2003 Posts: 26 Boards Initiate
    @eylah I’m so sorry for how bad you are hurting right now I just want to tell you how proud I am for writing all of this because I imagine it must be hard for you to write. I do know that pain won’t ever go away because it’s someone you love very much to the bottom of your heart and I can tell you she is watching over you and she and all of us at the mix are so proud of you for holding on all this hurt. I’m here for you if you need to speak we all care about you at the mix here to support and help you cope trust me you are so brave because I couldn’t imagine going through that 💛💛I wish you a very happy birthday for Thursday x
  • Insideout2003Insideout2003 Posts: 26 Boards Initiate
    If you ever need a friend to talk to my inbox is open 🤗 @eylah
  • AnonymousToeAnonymousToe Posts: 2,411 Boards Champion
    I’m so sorry @eylah you’ve truly been through so much. I know it’s not the same at all but know that we care about you 🫂 I wish there was more I could say to make it better
  • sinead276sinead276 Posts: 1,700 Extreme Poster
    like the comments above have all said - after all you have been through, we are all so incredibly proud of you. i can't imagine how challenging this time must be for you without your mum to celebrate with, but i think she'd be so proud of you right now for the amazing person you are. i want to remind you that you are so cared for by all of us here, even if we aren't there in person with you (i know it doesn't feel the same). i know there isn't a great deal myself and us can do to help ease the hurt and pain you feel, but you are so loved and we are always here for you <3
  • eylaheylah Posts: 5,208 Part of The Furniture
    thankyou all so much it means a lot tbh i forgot i even made this post so was weird seeing it. i rly appreciate all of you guys bc you didn’t have to reply etc so thankyou. im going to try have a gd day today but think its gonna be hard bc of course my birthday is literally tmr ☹️
    keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍

    pfp kindly made by the beautiful chloe ❤️
  • sinead276sinead276 Posts: 1,700 Extreme Poster
    fingers crossed you have a good day to day and get to at least do one or two things that make this time a little bit easier and happier for you :3
  • eylaheylah Posts: 5,208 Part of The Furniture
    sat here crying bc i managed to find the last birthday card my mum ever bought me and its made me cry. its like she knew what was going to happen 💔. i rly dont want to be alive for tmr i wish i could escape tmr then come back its so shit it rly is im finding today rly hard bc im just rly struggling with everything i feel out of control 💔. im trying to think of things to do to try make things easier bc its hard bc i have no energy to do anything so im in a vicious circle i am losing it. 💔 ( safe ).
    keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍

    pfp kindly made by the beautiful chloe ❤️
  • briannatbriannat Moderator, Staff Posts: 84 Budding Regular
    Hello @eylah <3

    I can imagine it's a lot to read all these replies but it's beautiful to see how many people want to connect with you while you're feeling this way. I hope that you can spend your birthday being kind and loving towards yourself. And if you're able to do something that can bring out some laughter or even a small smile to your face, that's already a win. I'm sending you the biggest hug
  • eylaheylah Posts: 5,208 Part of The Furniture
    thankyou im trying ❤️
    keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍

    pfp kindly made by the beautiful chloe ❤️
  • shannonxg_shannonxg_ Posts: 257 The Mix Regular
    happy birthday @eylah 🩷 i know it’s going to be a difficult day for you but you’re so so strong!! always here for you 🫶🏻
  • eylaheylah Posts: 5,208 Part of The Furniture
    thankyou for the birthday wishes shannon 🫶🏻🩷
    keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍

    pfp kindly made by the beautiful chloe ❤️
  • ellaella Community Manager Posts: 338 The Mix Regular
    edited December 12
    Happy Birthday @eylah <3 Be gentle with yourself today + hope you have a nice time ice skating! I've know how resilient and strong you've needed to be this year, and I hope you are as proud of yourself as we are of you. You're a :star: !
  • KatieKatie Community Manager Posts: 147 Helping Hand
    Happy birthday @eylah ! Sending you hugs and love <3
  • eylaheylah Posts: 5,208 Part of The Furniture
    thankyou @ella @Katie for the birthday wishes it means a lot ill take a pic of the ice skating rink when I get there ❤️
    keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍

    pfp kindly made by the beautiful chloe ❤️
  • sinead276sinead276 Posts: 1,700 Extreme Poster
    happy birthday @eylah i hope you have a good time at the rink :3
  • briannatbriannat Moderator, Staff Posts: 84 Budding Regular
    Happy Birthday!!! @eylah it sounds like you're having a really beautiful day <3 sending warm thoughts your way :)
  • eylaheylah Posts: 5,208 Part of The Furniture
    thankyou all for the birthday wishes ❤️🌟
    keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍

    pfp kindly made by the beautiful chloe ❤️
  • Summerjune15Summerjune15 Posts: 30 Boards Initiate
    Happy birthday ❤️ @eylah your mum would be so proud of you I am too i am here if you need me❤️
  • eylaheylah Posts: 5,208 Part of The Furniture
    i just finished ice skating! saw christmas lights to 🥰
    keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍

    pfp kindly made by the beautiful chloe ❤️
  • AnonymousToeAnonymousToe Posts: 2,411 Boards Champion
    Proud of you for doing something nice today @eylah
    Happy birthday 🩷
  • eylaheylah Posts: 5,208 Part of The Furniture
    jzb2o27i9mw1.jpeg
    3p5xvhgej13g.jpeg
    keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍

    pfp kindly made by the beautiful chloe ❤️
  • JMMV2005JMMV2005 Posts: 103 The Mix Convert
    @eylah Im so sorry you feel like this

    Me and the people here care about you and care it’s your birthday

    So I wish you a happy birthday, obviously it is difficult to have a happy birthday when you feel so horrible but nevertheless I still hope you have a happy birthday
  • eylaheylah Posts: 5,208 Part of The Furniture
    thankyou all for the birthday wishes yesterday it means a lot ❤️
    keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍

    pfp kindly made by the beautiful chloe ❤️
Sign In or Register to comment.