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Overthinking previous appointment
TheNightmare
Posts: 2,590 Boards Guru
I wanted to talk about this as it’s something I’ve been overthinking. It was my previous work coach who suggested I could receive a free laptop to help with my job search. Initially, I was unsure whether I wanted to take it, so I told her I would think about it. After speaking to my uncle, who suggested that getting the laptop would cause clutter and there wasn’t space for it at home, I decided to decline the offer. I explained to my work coach that I was fine using my phone to apply for jobs. When I mentioned the space issue, she chuckled and said I could store the laptop anywhere, but the conversation still felt a bit awkward. She also asked why I didn’t want the laptop and questioned if my uncle was being controlling, which made me uncomfortable.
At the end of the appointment, there was another issue when someone called about an induction for a warehouse job, offering me the opportunity to start the following morning. I wanted to think about it, so I didn’t take it and said I would call back. I didn’t put much effort into the call, which was my fault completely. I think my work coach was frustrated because I didn’t seize the opportunity, especially when it could have helped me. She mentioned how I wasn’t getting anywhere, which made the appointment even more awkward. I left feeling upset because my work coach got frustrated with me, and I knew I was in the wrong. I tend to overthink things, especially when it comes to my work situation, which has been a sensitive issue for me. I really don’t like it when people get frustrated with me, especially at me.
I still can’t stop overthinking whether I made the right decision, and it’s something I struggle with, especially when I feel like I’m not moving forward. I realize I need to stop dwelling on the past and focus on moving forward, but it’s something I still need to work on. The whole appointment wasn’t the best, and I left feeling upset because of how everything unfolded. I did tell her about this after she told me off before she left, and she said it was just frustrating. I felt like I was being like a snowflake and overly sensitive telling her that too, then went home feeling upset about how things unfolded during that appointment.
At the end of the appointment, there was another issue when someone called about an induction for a warehouse job, offering me the opportunity to start the following morning. I wanted to think about it, so I didn’t take it and said I would call back. I didn’t put much effort into the call, which was my fault completely. I think my work coach was frustrated because I didn’t seize the opportunity, especially when it could have helped me. She mentioned how I wasn’t getting anywhere, which made the appointment even more awkward. I left feeling upset because my work coach got frustrated with me, and I knew I was in the wrong. I tend to overthink things, especially when it comes to my work situation, which has been a sensitive issue for me. I really don’t like it when people get frustrated with me, especially at me.
I still can’t stop overthinking whether I made the right decision, and it’s something I struggle with, especially when I feel like I’m not moving forward. I realize I need to stop dwelling on the past and focus on moving forward, but it’s something I still need to work on. The whole appointment wasn’t the best, and I left feeling upset because of how everything unfolded. I did tell her about this after she told me off before she left, and she said it was just frustrating. I felt like I was being like a snowflake and overly sensitive telling her that too, then went home feeling upset about how things unfolded during that appointment.
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Comments
I know from your previous posts that having a job is really important for you. I wonder what thoughts come up for you when you get closer to getting a job. It sounds like taking that step that would put you directly towards achieving your goal of being employed is something that scares you? I could be wrong of course but you've done a lot of searching and meeting with others to get a job, and it seems like there's still something holding you back. Rather than judging yourself and getting lost in a cloud of shame, I wonder what it would be like for you to just observe your feelings, fears, concerns etc with curiosity? It seems like you recognise that your work coach is trying to help you, and you are deserving of help, but the process of that sounds frustrating for the both of you. Remember to take breaks too, you'll get where you need to be eventually
@briannat I really appreciate your thoughtful message. When I get closer to getting a job, I think I’ll feel better. It’s a step toward achieving my goal, and I believe the closer I get, the more confident I’ll become. I also think there are steps, like getting therapy, that could help me achieve my goals. It could provide support and guidance that will make the process less overwhelming and help me feel more prepared for the future. I think it might be helpful to observe my feelings, rather than judging them. Being curious about what I’m feeling could give me a clearer understanding of what’s going on and help me navigate those emotions better. Thanks again for your support and encouragement. It really means a lot.
First of all please don’t overthink, It’ll wear you down and trust me theres no need to because it’s ok to make mistakes or do something wrong, I used to overthink tons but I realised I was basically poisoning myself with my own thoughts and I’ve been working to try and cut it down, I know thats easier said than done but the first step is be kinder to yourself and don’t beat yourself up, you don’t deserve it
Also about taking opportunities, don’t overthink how you didn’t take past opportunities but focus on future opportunities, and if your scared or unsure about taking a job in the future please just take it, theres a 90% chance it’s not gonna be as scary as you think, and if it isn’t nice you don’t have to stay
I’ve been trying things that I’m scared of or unsure of lately and it’s been the best thing I’ve ever done, I feel more positive and I can see progress being made in my life even if it is in small steps, the “don’t think just do” mindset can be so helpful
So don’t beat yourself up with overthinking and when you get an opportunity for something but your not sure if you should take it, just try it and see where it leads you, worst case scenario you don’t have stick with it, and like I said I’d say about 90% of the time when you try something your unsure of it pays off
Good luck I believe in you
@JMMV2005 Thanks so much for your kind words and advice. It means a lot to me. I really appreciate you sharing your experience, and I’ll try to focus on being kinder to myself and not overthinking so much. I’ll definitely keep your advice in mind and try to be more open to opportunities. Thanks again for believing in me
The work coach’s questions were quite direct, and I can see why they made you uncomfortable. It sounds like she was projecting her perspective of laptops being useful for work and not understanding why it might not suit you. But if you’ve weighed up your uncle’s opinion and still don’t want it, that’s okay-it doesn’t make you wrong to decline.
I think your response about needing time to think was very reasonable. Starting a new job the next day is a big change, and wanting to process that is completely human. Maybe you could reframe it as, “I did the best I could in that moment with what I knew, but next time I’d like to…” If not accepting the job felt like a step back, you can look at it as one step back but two steps forward-now you’re better prepared for similar situations.
It’s tough to hear frustration directed at you, especially when you’re already trying. It sounds like her frustration is more about the situation than you personally. It’s easy to internalize that negativity, but it’s not a reflection of your progress. The fact that they reached out with an opportunity shows you are moving forward, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.
Rather than dwelling on whether your decision was right, perhaps a helpful step could be to focus on preparing for similar scenarios in the future. That way, this experience can become a stepping stone rather than a roadblock.
You’ve got this-keep going! One step back, two steps forward
@Alwayshope2day That’s such a thoughtful response. You’ve acknowledged the awkwardness and tension while offering reassurance and practical advice, which is really encouraging. Your perspective on using this experience as a stepping stone rather than a setback is especially helpful, as it shifts the focus from self-criticism to growth and preparation. The suggestion to reframe the moment as “I did the best I could” is a great way to balance self-compassion with learning from the experience. It’s true that progress doesn’t always feel linear, but recognizing opportunities for growth, even in frustrating moments, is a solid mindset. The encouragement to keep going and the reminder that one opportunity doesn’t define someone’s journey makes this a well-rounded and empathetic reply.