Being single

Creativeboy23

Hello.

I have been struggling with being single, even though I have been using a dating app. I have done well to take the first step because it can be a hard thing to do. It is not the first time I have been using a dating app. It just feels like I am stuck at the stage of swiping and I always get matches that are far from my location. The great thing is that I am getting attention so I have achieved something but I feel defeated. I know it will take time to meet someone. It is not going to happen over night but it is keeping me stuck in the vicious cycle of indulging in my sexual fetishes and consuming pornography. Being single does give me more time to spend with myself and develop personally but it is challenging to be in my situation. It has been making me isolated. There will be others out there who will be in my situation so I am not alone, but it is not going to change how I feel about being single.

Orchid059

Hi @Creativeboy23 it's understandable you are feeling this way about being single as it can be tricky to navigate when you are young. You are right, you should be proud of getting yourself out there by using a dating app because that can be very daunting to do initially. Like you said though, it will take time but as long as you are meeting people safely I would just say enjoy the dating world before you settle down. The right person will find you eventually so don't lose hope

Creativeboy23

Hello @Orchid059.

That is true. Thank you for your advice.

Sian321

Hey @Creativeboy23 , thanks so much for your post and for letting us know a bit about your situation. I totally hear what you're saying about how being single can be a real struggle sometimes, particularly when you're feeling alone and isolated. What would you say has been the hardest part of this for you so far?

It's really positive as you said that you've been taking some steps to put yourself out there via dating apps, and to begin exploring what it feels like to recieve that kind of attention and make connections! You mentioned most of the matches you've made have been people who live further away from you, and I wondered whether there might be any in-person dating events taking place in your local area perhaps, such as fun speed-dating evenings, or hobby groups aimed at people who are single? I wondered how you'd feel about something like that? This being said, it might be the case that online matches with people who live closer to you will happen soon, it might just be a case of waiting a bit longer (which can feel disheartening!)

As @Orchid059 said above, it's so wonderful that you're taking these steps to fulfill yourself by beginning to date, and I hope you can be kind to yourself in the process. Even if being single comes with perks (like independence or the chance to invest in yourself as you said), it's still so, so valid and human to find it hard some days. What do you feel you're looking for in a relationship? And also, in the moments when you do feel isolated or frustrated, has there been anything you've found that brings you comfort?

Keep us updated if you wish to @Creativeboy23 and we're here for you!

Creativeboy23

Hello @Sian321.

Recently, I have been thinking that members on here are telling me that I am being unkind to myself. I have been practicing to be gentle with myself in stressful situations both inside and outside of The Mix. It is possible that my thread was misread due to the lengthiness, but I feel unheard and misunderstood. So, I have been left feeling very isolated. I am already being self-compassionate. I recognised that I did well to take the first step to date, got some attention despite the matches being far away, and that it will take time to find closer matches. I acknowledged that there will be other single people who will be feeling similar, and attempted to think about being single in a balanced way. Your response has highlighted a few instances in which I have demonstrated self-compassion, but you told me that you hope that I can be kind to myself. So, it feels like a contradiction.

The hardest part of being single is handling my sexual urges. I would feel okay about those options. Speed dating sounds interesting. I have considered going to speed dating events but the prices look dear. However, there might be some cheaper options I do not know about. I have not came across any hobby groups aimed at single people but I will try to see if I can find any. It would be amazing if I found a group. I am looking for a serious relationship with someone who is respectful, patient, and who can see past my disability.

I have recently been designing and watching programmes but they will only do so much for me.

Sian321

Hey @Creativeboy23 , thanks so much for your response here and for letting me know how my previous post landed with you. That makes total sense, particularly what you said about how it felt contradictory for me to have celebrated the ways you're being self-compassionate, but then to end my message saying, 'I hope you can be kind with yourself'. I can see how those two messages are conflicting, and I'm really sorry that ultimately this left you feeling unheard and misunderstood. That sounds like it could have been both dissapointing and frustrating, esspecially when you're taking the time to open up and you're already putting a lot of work into being kind with yourself and to approach dating in a balanced way.

It's great to hear that speed dating might be something you'd find fun, or hobby-related meet up groups. It also sounds really positive that you're clear of what you're wanting from a relationship too, namely someone who is respectful, patient, and who sees past your disability. You deserve all of this, Creativeboy, and I'm excited for you.

When I was reading your message, I suddenly remembered this website that posts lots of fun social meet-ups, both free and with a fee. I'll share below if it might be a fun way to meet people locally:

https://www.meetup.com/

Thank you again for taking the time to share how you're feeling.

JMMV2005

@Creativeboy23 Sorry you feel like this, I’m single and I feel pretty lonely because of it to

I guess the best thing to do to find a relationship (I’m gonna try this myself) is to go to clubs or groups or fitness classes etc: because you’ll meet a lot of people there and I personally think it’s better when you meet people irl, do you go to any clubs? Or is there any clubs or things your thinking of joining?

Creativeboy23

Sian321 wrote: »

Hey @Creativeboy23, thanks so much for your response here and for letting me know how my previous post landed with you. That makes total sense, particularly what you said about how it felt contradictory for me to have celebrated the ways you're being self-compassionate, but then to end my message saying, 'I hope you can be kind with yourself'. I can see how those two messages are conflicting, and I'm really sorry that ultimately this left you feeling unheard and misunderstood. That sounds like it could have been both dissapointing and frustrating, esspecially when you're taking the time to open up and you're already putting a lot of work into being kind with yourself and to approach dating in a balanced way.

It's great to hear that speed dating might be something you'd find fun, or hobby-related meet up groups. It also sounds really positive that you're clear of what you're wanting from a relationship too, namely someone who is respectful, patient, and who sees past your disability. You deserve all of this, Creativeboy, and I'm excited for you.

When I was reading your message, I suddenly remembered this website that posts lots of fun social meet-ups, both free and with a fee. I'll share below if it might be a fun way to meet people locally:

https://www.meetup.com/

Thank you again for taking the time to share how you're feeling.

Hello @Sian321.

Thank you for your apology.

I am already using Meetup. I am a member of some of the groups. However, I have not taken the step to go to some of the groups’ events but thank you also for taking the time to find and share the link to Meetup.

Well said. I agree. I am doing great to cope with my difficulties. I sure do deserve an accepting partner.

Creativeboy23

JMMV2005 wrote: »

@Creativeboy23 Sorry you feel like this, I’m single and I feel pretty lonely because of it to

I guess the best thing to do to find a relationship (I’m gonna try this myself) is to go to clubs or groups or fitness classes etc: because you’ll meet a lot of people there and I personally think it’s better when you meet people irl, do you go to any clubs? Or is there any clubs or things your thinking of joining?

Hello @JMMV2005.

Thank you for sharing your experience. It reassures me even more that I am not alone in struggling with being single, but I am sorry to hear you are going through similar. Good luck in finding a partner.

I am part of a bowling and snooker group. There are not many girls there. I am part of some groups on Meetup.

JMMV2005

@Creativeboy23 No problem

I’m glad you have some groups your going to (I need to join more groups myself lol) Keep going to those groups and joining new ones and see where it leads you

If I’m 100% honest I wouldn’t know where to meet girls myself, I sort of assume you just meet people by chance when your doing things, I might make a post at some point about it

Anyway sorry if I’m oversharing, my point is your doing the right thing, keep going with it because you never know where it might lead

Creativeboy23

Hello @JMMV2005.

I will do. You keep going, too.

Thank you for being so helpful.

JMMV2005

@Creativeboy23 No problem