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BillieTheBot
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Post edited by Katie on
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I don't actually know what the right way to grieve is - I'm not sure there even is one. I really hear you in feeling like your world stood still and the struggles that come with carrying that grief. It kinda feels like you're stood behind a window, whilst everyone else is on the other side and you're just watching them get on with their lives. I remember feeling so much heaviness and weight that nobody could see on the outside. You're being really brave to talk about this now and I'm right here with you in those feelings.
It sounds really positive you're making that effort to do better and feel better now. And whilst there isn't any pressure to get back to how things used to be (I don't think it ever really feels exactly the same as it did before such an immense loss), I know how good this can feel for our wellbeing. Grieving for someone who is still alive also makes a lot of sense here too. You're in a pretty big chapter of your life at the moment and at the same time you're navigating your teens. That's a lot, and you should give yourself credit for actively wanting to do and feel better. You're experiencing a lot of change to what you're used to, and I hope you're able to make plans to see your ma and sister when they do move away.
I must say you sound incredibly wise for your age and your self-awareness is extremely impressive. I don't think at 15 I could've made a decision about leaving a community with such sound reasoning. Those feelings of pushing away sound valid here too. It's a shame you did get along with her, but it's also considerate of you to be able to recognise that how you see your futures are completely different. And that's okay. It's okay to want something different and to picture your life differently - because it's your life.
From this post I think you're incredibly grown up for your age so I'm sorry your ma doesn't see that. I don't know your family so I can't speak for them, but if my (metaphorical) kid handled themselves like you did I would be immensely proud.
Be gentle with yourself, and thank you for being so raw with us
You've shared some really important stuff and I just want to recognise the courage it takes to do all of the things you mentioned to try and start feeling better. Going to mass, trying to start long distance running and even playing football consistently. All of this is hard work when we're feeling our best, so to do this in a time of grief is nothing short of incredible. You've experienced a lot of change recently. With your dad passing just about a year ago, watching your mum move on and date again, and knowing that she's moving away it's a lot to handle all at once. You have every right to feel and experience whatever emotions are coming up for you. Grief is not linear and it never really goes away, we just learn how to navigate life while simultaneously loving someone who's no longer physically here with us. Some days are easier, and some days it's as if it just happened yesterday. I think it's really brave that you were honest with yourself and the lass you were speaking to. It takes courage to say that this isn't something you wanted even though everyone around you might want that thing for you.
It's hard to do things outside of the cultural norm. I'm not a traveller but as someone who's apart of the LGBTQ+ community, I can tell you that my Nigerian family wasn't exactly ecstatic about finding out my identity but it was way more important to stay true to myself rather than adhere to values that were no longer serving me. You're doing an amazing job. And I'm sure you're not the only one in your culture who has felt the things you've voiced here.
You mentioned feeling as though you're grieving for someone who is alive due to your mum moving away. This is so real. It's another change to your routine that you have to cope with. Allow yourself to feel whatever is coming up for you, but remember that you can still call your mum while she's away. It'll be different but she's still here physically and you can absolutely take advantage of that fact. I'm sorry your mum said your dad would be disappointed in you, that is really harsh and hurtful to hear. Given everything you've shared so far, I can't imagine that he'd see all the things you're doing to take care of yourself and be anything but proud of you.
Thank you for being so honest in this space
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I completely get you here with feeling a painful chest. It's strange how we find some things easier than the rest (that rhymed). For a few months after I really struggled to go inside my nanna and grandad's house so I would just stand outside talking to my grandad, but now I find it quite comforting and a lot of her things haven't been moved. It's like so much looks physically unchanged and she should be sat there in her chair, but she isn't. I've still not tried to go upstairs and I'm not sure I ever will but that's okay. I also have a select few photos I'm okay with seeing but I'm not sure why they're easier than the rest. Just one of those unexplainable things I guess.
I do think we naturally heal without realising, and everyday might feel a little easier to get through than the last. I also wonder whether we can actually control our grief and how it manifests. Sometimes it'll hit us at random moments and feel a bit out of place. We're doing our best just by navigating a future without them - and that's all we can do really
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Exactly - they were right all along !! How annoying.
This made me lol 🤣 Keep your savings and get out of there - listen to YOU.
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You've made my day but also