Feeling abandoned

Lottie5433

My mental health has been taking its toll on me over the last couple of months.
I am already recieveing therapy for an eating disorder and have been for the past 9 months. At times I feel like the CBT isn't helping and I feel like everytime I go for a session im just wasting my therapist time. I'm unsure whether it's not helping because ive just been dealing with it for so long and struggle to make the right changes or if its that my therapist is only a trainee and doesn't have as much experience. Given this though I have opened up to my therpaist about alot of my other MH issues that ive been struggling with.
With everything that has gone on recently I was referred for another MH assessment where I was referred again to the complex emotional difficulties team to help me cope and manage my self-harm and suicidal tendencies. Despite the increased nature of this I recieved a letter today to say my referral had been denied due to already seeing the ED team and that they can refer me to them again if they feel I need to see thm.

Right now I just feel abandoned by the services around me and have spent so much of today crying and trying to distract myself from my thoughts.
I just feel like I cant be helped and there isnt a point in trying.
I am also debating if I turn up to my therapy session tomorrow also just becuase we will probably discuss this (⤴️) but also I just physically don't feel able to go.

I just feel stuck in a never-ending rollercoaster of finding hope for a better place all to be let down by professionals but also those around me

Claire28

Hi @Lottie5433 it sounds like you’re going through such a lot to be on a rollercoaster of finding hope.

It sounds very disappointing to have your referral denied by the complex emotional difficulties team. I’m sorry you’ve had this news Have the given you any next steps or can you not see them at all while you’re seeing the ED team. It is completely valid to feel let down by professionals when you’re trying to seek support. I can imagine this feeling is perhaps increased with CBT not feeling helpful at the moment. You did really well to open to your therapist about things you’ve been struggling with Lottie, were you able to talk to them about how you’ve been finding the CBT? I wonder if there is a different type of therapy they are able to offer.

I can hear that you’ve spend a lot of the day crying, sometimes we need to let our feelings out particularly when we feel hurt, disappointed or let down. You shared that you’ve been trying to distract yourself from your thoughts. Are you safe at the moment Lottie?

It is completely understandable to not want to go to your therapy session tomorrow, if you did go could you plan a nice treat for yourself afterwards? It can just be something like watching an episode of your favourite show, or other ways to unwind like scrolling on social media or getting cosy in bed.

We’re proud of how hard you’re trying Lottie and we’re here for you.

Sending hugs

Lottie5433

Thank you @Claire28. They haven't given any next steps other than looking at DBT self help and putting in a hope-for-harm referral (although I had already tried this and was told I coukdnt access them whilst seeing the ED team). I wasnt able to talk to them about how i found CBT - i told the MH assessor that there are good weeks and bad weeks and thats it.
I don't tend to cry and let my feelings out, but just felt I had to and has left me with a headache which is annoying. I am safe at the moment - i have contacted SHOUT and almost called the crisis team.
If I did go to therapy I could try and plan something to do afterwards 🤔. I would proably curl up in bed a scroll tiktok or watch a movie.

Thank you 😊