Question about self harm

Rose113

is it possible that someone self harms because they look up to there older sibling? It got me thinking about something that my younger sister parents said

Sian321

Hey @Rose113 thank you for your post. That sounds like a really tricky question that's playing on your mind. I wonder if you'd feel comfy sharing some more about what your younger sister's parents said and the context behind this? How did you feel when they said what they did?

I suppose there will be many reasons why a person self-harms, and these reasons could differ for everyone. And it can be hard to say what kind of influence siblings might have on each other and their mental health or ways of coping. Do you feel that maybe you look up to an older sibling, or that one of your siblings looks up to you? (My appologies if I'm not up to speed yet with the dynamics between you and your siblings, and thank you for helping me get to know you here on Boards ).

I'm here for you, and around on Boards today so would love to reply to you more if you wanted to share. I'm mindful self-harm can be a really emotionally loaded expereince, esspecially when there are feelings attached to it around our siblings or influence on family members. So I'm sending you a hug, @Rose113

You might find the following places helpful:

There are some websites you may like to look at to support you around self-harming. They are:
https://www.nshn.co.uk/
https://www.recoveryourlife.com/
https://www.selfharm.co.uk/
https://harmless.org.uk/
You can also check out our articles on our website: https://www.themix.org.uk/search/self+harm

Rose113

Hey @Sian321 last year my sister found out I self harmed and then she started doing it and I got the blame for it for being the bad influence because she looks up to me as her older sibling

Sian321

Ah, @Rose113 , that sounds extreamly difficult, and I can hear that you're maybe feeling responsible or guilty - would that be fair to say?

That's a really heavy thing to be told, and I feel frustrated on your behalf that you have recieved blame for this. That's really upsetting, esspecially when you yourself have been struggling and trying to cope as best you can. You are allowed to have your own struggles.

Because humans are social creatures, it's true that we might influence those around us (particularly within our families). But we can't necessarily know or control what that influence might be. And while it sounds as though your younger sister might be coping with mental health struggles, these will be unique and seperate from your own.

It sounds as though your younger sister's parents have drawn conclusions and made assumptions here which may not necessarily be true, and I hear it's causing you a lot of worry.

How did their suggestion make you feel, @Rose113 ? And how are you taking care of yourself at this time?

That's a lot to hold alongside your own struggles too. I'm sending you the biggest hug

Rose113

@Sian321 yeah it makes me feel so guilty I don’t live with my sister and her parents told her I self harmed anyway

Sian321

@Rose113 I see. Ah, I can really hear just how much this is weighing on you It's so clear to me that you care about your sister an awful lot, and it feels like a lot of this situation has been outside your control. That's extreamly hard.

I wonder whether you've been able to speak with anyone else about the guilt your feeling?

You are allowed to struggle, and it's okay not to be okay. Even if those struggles touch the lives of those around us. That's the beauty and the challenge of us being so interconnected as humans.

You're doing your very best to cope, and are so deserving of understanding and kindness here.

Thank you for opening up about this, and please know this is a judgement-free zone

Rose113

@Sian321 i spent years trying to prevent her from doing that type of stuff

No I’ve kinda always kept it too myself tbh

Sian321

@Rose113 , that's a lot for you to take on, and I can really hear just how much you care for her and have been trying to prevent her from suffering in anyway. To learn that she has been self-harming sounds like it felt really troubling to you, esspecially when a part of you feels implicated.

Feeling guilty or ashamed can be such an all-consuming feeling sometimes, and I can relate to how guilt can really gnaw away at you .

How does it feel opening up about this here on Boards? It sounds like you've had to keep a lot of this bottled up inside, so I really just want to celebrate the fact that you're opening up and allowing us to hold this with you.

You really do deserve so much kindness, @Rose113

Lucy_21

I’m sorry you have been made to feel this way hon as it in no way your fault. They told her without your consent which is wrong anyway and have no right blaming you for something they caused but I do understand why you feel guilty as I would to if my little sister started do it just because she found out I do, always here to get anything out hon ❤️