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Low self esteem and Virginity
HensAny779
Posts: 6 Confirmed not a robot
Hello everyone,
Hope you are all well!
This is my first post on here so I apologise if this is in the wrong thread.
So here is some quick context, I am currently 25 (male) and a final year Physics PhD student.
All my life I have struggled with body image issues, never had any form of confidence within myself as I got bullied in school quite a lot and most of my family and friends did make fun of my appearance and especially after knowing the fact that my virginity is still in tact.
Due to this lack of confidence I never had the courage to approach any women. When I started university this was not that much of an issue but as the years went by that feeling of being left behind became more and more intense as most of my friends were getting into relationships. Now I am the only one that is single within my friendship group so I tend to not go to out with them much as well I look like an absolute loser and also I have the mindset of "Since I have been single all my life then I am too ugly to be able to attend social events". I have been this isolated for quite some time and as expected this has brought quite intense and daily suicidal thoughts, and the reason they come up is always the same... "I am so ugly and don't deserve love so I should probably kill myself".
Since April I have been quite obsessed with the gym, I still only go at really quiet times so people don't have to look at my disgusting face but it has somewhat helped me. I lost a significant amount of weight and I do feel better in the mirror. However, I genuinely feel like this is too little too late, most of my family and friends say that I may look more presentable but I shouldn't get too confident as no women would be dumb enough to date a 25 year old virgin loser like me. Since these kind of comments I have been really critical especially comparing myself to others, I have stopped going out completely... only to go to the gym and for teaching the undergraduate labs. At this point I feel completely inferior to everyone because of my lack of relationship experience.
The reason I originally made this post was to essentially ask if life is even worth it from this point? Like I know I am going to be single forever so should I just kill myself? My family have told me multiple times to kill myself, this usually happens when I try to ask for help or just some advice with my mental health problems. I guess they see that I am too weak and maybe giving me genuine advice that will help me and most importantly the people around me.
I am sorry if this post came across as cringeworthy or self-centred. Also, sorry for making this so long.
I would just like to point out that I am not making any form of excuses or blaming anyone within this post, I just need to get some advice in my situation and helps me vent a little.
Any advice would be more than appreciated
Take care!
Hope you are all well!
This is my first post on here so I apologise if this is in the wrong thread.
So here is some quick context, I am currently 25 (male) and a final year Physics PhD student.
All my life I have struggled with body image issues, never had any form of confidence within myself as I got bullied in school quite a lot and most of my family and friends did make fun of my appearance and especially after knowing the fact that my virginity is still in tact.
Due to this lack of confidence I never had the courage to approach any women. When I started university this was not that much of an issue but as the years went by that feeling of being left behind became more and more intense as most of my friends were getting into relationships. Now I am the only one that is single within my friendship group so I tend to not go to out with them much as well I look like an absolute loser and also I have the mindset of "Since I have been single all my life then I am too ugly to be able to attend social events". I have been this isolated for quite some time and as expected this has brought quite intense and daily suicidal thoughts, and the reason they come up is always the same... "I am so ugly and don't deserve love so I should probably kill myself".
Since April I have been quite obsessed with the gym, I still only go at really quiet times so people don't have to look at my disgusting face but it has somewhat helped me. I lost a significant amount of weight and I do feel better in the mirror. However, I genuinely feel like this is too little too late, most of my family and friends say that I may look more presentable but I shouldn't get too confident as no women would be dumb enough to date a 25 year old virgin loser like me. Since these kind of comments I have been really critical especially comparing myself to others, I have stopped going out completely... only to go to the gym and for teaching the undergraduate labs. At this point I feel completely inferior to everyone because of my lack of relationship experience.
The reason I originally made this post was to essentially ask if life is even worth it from this point? Like I know I am going to be single forever so should I just kill myself? My family have told me multiple times to kill myself, this usually happens when I try to ask for help or just some advice with my mental health problems. I guess they see that I am too weak and maybe giving me genuine advice that will help me and most importantly the people around me.
I am sorry if this post came across as cringeworthy or self-centred. Also, sorry for making this so long.
I would just like to point out that I am not making any form of excuses or blaming anyone within this post, I just need to get some advice in my situation and helps me vent a little.
Any advice would be more than appreciated
Take care!
6
Comments
in terms of advice, im a bit younger so I wouldn’t know exactly what to say, but i do know that even if it may feel like it, virginity is nothing to be ashamed of and it’s also not as significant as people make it (as in there are other wonderful parts of life that are equally if not more important in the grand scheme of things) however i do understand how the pressure can feel and why this is making you feel upset.
also your family is completely wrong, there is someone out there who is perfect for you, don’t let them bring you down like that. i hope you’re doing okay ❤️
I really appreciate you opening up about your struggles with your body image as well as being made fun of by family and friends for your appearance and virginity. Firstly, that just sounds so painful, and no one has a right to bully you in this way. I feel really sad to hear how their words have impacted how you see yourself - that's extreamly hard. And it seems like recently this has also lead you to question what's the point in staying alive.
May I ask, @HensAny779 , how have you been keeping yourself safe when these thoughts of suicide do become very loud? In those hard moments, has there been anything or anyone that's eased those feelings?
I'll list a few places below that are here for you if ever you do feel suicidal. You deserve to not have to face those feelings alone:
https://www.themix.org.uk/get-support/speak-to-our-team/crisis-messenger
https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan
How would it feel to reach out to one of those places?
I heard you say too that your family sometimes tell you that you should kill yourself, which again, sounds extreamly hurtful. Would you feel comfortable telling us a bit more about your living situation at the moment, and how safe you're feeling there?
There can be so much stigma in society sometimes around being single or the concept of 'virginity', and I really recognise how heavy that can be and how it can change the ways we think and feel about ourselves. I can relate to that personally. It can create so much shame. It sounds like you're really despairing, and your feelings deserve to be taken seriously and listened to
Keep us posted, @HensAny779 and we're here for you. You're doing so well to reach out and talk about this.
I think the issue is that well at this point I am in the mindset of there is no hope for the future... specifically in terms of finding a partner. More on the suicidal thoughts, I don't really have anything in place that helps me deal with them appropriately. I have been given many numbers that I can call but it is so daunting to me, I just don't know how to begin the conversation... I have called various helplines and just instantly put the phone down out of fear. Also, I am pretty sure there is people that far more in need of them helplines than me as my reason is just cause I am really lonely... which simply is my fault. Any advice on dealing with this would be appreciated
Regarding your thoughts that life isn't worth living. Do these thoughts come on a lot? It sounds like you're experiencing some heavy thoughts and feelings here. I can understand these crisis numbers may be daunting to call and that's normal to feel that way, but they are there if you need them and you're not any less deserving to use these services than anyone else.
Is there anything you enjoy doing that makes you feel a bit better when you have these thoughts? Such as watching films, listening to music? Do you have any close friends that you feel like you could open up to about this? I'd like to remind you that you're not alone in how you are feeling.
We are here to support you so make sure to continue reaching out
To answer your question about the suicidal thoughts, I have these sort of feelings multiple times some more intense than others but everyday I kind of treat as my last day so I am quite pessimistic for the future. Nothing really distracts me by from these thoughts I just have to wait and see but I know within that sort of dark mindset it is hard for me to actually have a reason to stay you know... I guess that could be a thing to explore... Seeing what I actually have to look forward because at the moment I definitely don't see anything good in the future which probably makes suicide such a convincing option.
I don't really have anything that I get joy from to be honest at this point. I was going to say I do enjoy going to the gym and working out but I have turned that into such a toxic habit, over the past couple of months I kind of mentally constructed of what I should look like in my head and to achieve that I have been starving myself for multiple days at a time, weighing myself at least 15 times a day, restricting my fluids and started to research on steroids. In my head I feel like if my body looks perfect then maybe I will deserve love one day.
I do have friends and I have approached them with my problems and asking for advice but I just get mocked for it so I don't really trust anyone at this point.
You are so strong and brave for sharing these thoughts with us and getting through these emotions, you are not alone in this