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I hate lying to my parents
Starlight
Posts: 1,448 Wise Owl
Right so to start I’m a cis female lesbian but I’m not out to my parents although I really want to be (I’m 98% sure they’ll be fine with it but I’m just so scared it might not go down well idk why?). Anyways I matched with a wonderful girl on a dating app back in July whilst I was still at uni and we hit it off right away, we message everyday and FaceTime frequently and I really like her a lot and I’m very happy with her. I’m now living back at home with my parents but I’ve planned a week away to visit her in a couple weeks time which I’m very excited about however my parents want to know where I’m going and I’m typically very open with my parents but I just can’t bring myself to tell them but I also hate lying to fhem and it’s eating away at me. I guess I’m looking for advice or ways to make it easier to tell them? Thanks in advance just wanting to feel a little less alone 
* Shine like the star you are! *
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Comments
For me personally, when I first came out to my parents I found it helpful to write down what I wanted to say on a piece of paper and then give that to them physically. I knew I was going to feel really emotional and choked-up when speaking, so this helped ground me. I was also really nervous about whether or not I'd be accepted, and I found it helpful to even share that too, to say to Mum and Dad, "I feel really scared to tell you this....". I think being vulnerable like that helped.
With my Mum, it definitely took a little bit of time for her to adjust to the news too, so in the meantime speaking to friends and getting support from my sisters helped me to cope with the shakiness of that. I'd reccomend getting some nice self-care activities lined up for after the conversation so that you have support if you do feel a bit wobbly. That is so, so valid. And remember to take all the time you need
No matter what happens, @Starlight , we're here for you. Your queerness is so beautiful, and what an honour that you're wanting to share who you are with your parents. Anyone would be so lucky to get to know you more
Also before I start thank you for your wonderful advice and support I appreciate it so gratefully! The community here is by far the best!
So I have travelled 7 hours on the train to go and visit said “wonderful girl” I arrived yesterday afternoon after spending a few days at places on the way to see my friends I miss from down south. We had a lovely evening and she officially asked me to be her girlfriend so I was so happy! And I was just so happy to be back with her as I’ve missed her so much! But this morning at about 4am I woke up feeling horrendous and was throwing up in her toilet for about 4 hours straight, I’ve no clue what hit me as I was feeling absolutely fine yesterday. She kept telling me I had to be out of the building by 8:30 so she could go to her uni lectures and as by building policy she could leave me there which is fair but she was saying the best thing is to get me on a train home (which is 7 hours and £100 with that little notice) and I was still being sick at this point so it wasn’t an option. I eventually got her to go and speak to reception and the cleaner said she’d come and check on me whilst she was out and I could stay in the building it wasn’t a problem so I thought great I’ll be feeling better later it’ll calm down and wel get through the week and still have a nice time! But no, Jess has emetaphobia (fear of sick and being sick) and I knew this beforehand however she has said she no longer wants to see me and wants me to go home ASAP she said we can see each other another time and then stopped replying to me all evening. For context, I’m now staying at a hotel in her City, one I’ve never been to before in my life, 7 hours away from home feeling my most vulnerable and I just want a hug and she doesn’t even have the decency to message me. I know it must be hard for her too but I just feel so lost and alone and I’ve cut my trip to come back tomorrow (Tuesday) instead of Friday. Not only am I heart broken but I’m so confused and feel so betrayed. I’ve apologised profusely and I was as clean as possible and washed up after myself, I’ve done my best to be understanding and try to make her not feel so horrible but I have to put myself first, I’m the one that’s ill away from home and has absolutely no one to go to right now and I think I deserve better than that. But I don’t know, how do I move on?
I am feeling a lot better this evening just emotional I’ve taken a blow and maybe I just need to sleep on it but it’s such a hard situation and I don’t know how to feel anymore?