(TW: SA, Racism) Knowing how pretty privilege can heavily effect your life makes me want to die

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Body Problems

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JustV

Welcome to the community @bignosegirly0! Before I respond to your post I wanted to say I added a trigger warning to the title of your post, and then one just at the top. You did kindly add an edit of your own where it says 'quick edit' - I just wanted to make it super clear.

Mostly I wanted to say that this is really fair - the stuff you've described in your post is absolutely awful, and you can't ignore the systemic inequalities that women face. It clear that you yourself have really felt the weight of that in your life and it just sucks.

It's not the same but I have some guy friends who grew up with very similar experiences to the ones you described - being asked out as a joke, people laughing, etc. That level of mockery when you're growing up is really scarring and it's truly awful stuff.

This is a depressing fact about life that not even therapy can help with. Having a therapist tell you “beauty is subjective” and “no one is really judging you” is a nice thought. But when you get in the real world and face the same treatment you always do, you realise that it’s bullshit.

I think this is an understandable reaction. It's hard when a truth is being born out infront of you every day and you have someone trying to tell you the world isn't like that.

One thing I would say is that the people around you, the friends you make, and your workplace can make a big difference to how heavily you experience these things. I'm not saying the systemic inequalities won't always be present - that's just the nature of social issues - but something I learned in my life is that as I was able to get more independence and choose how my life looked, it was easier to pick the right people to be around, and that was a game changer.

But it's also understandle, when this is your experience, to not have much optimism that there are people out there who won't treat you this way.

I understand that this may not be helpful to hear, especially if you haven't experienced much evidence that these things can change, and maybe can't see a path forward (which feels like an important component for having hope for the future).

Can I ask - how old are you and what do you do for work/study?

JustV

No worries about the long/messy post by the way - plenty of those here!

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IsThisJustFantasy

From what you’ve said that sounds like a very stressful thing to be victim to @bignosegirly0. I’ve had a similar experience in terms of being judged because of my appearance from others. I’ve also been told in the past many times that I have a big nose - that included remarks from members of my family who used to make fun of the size of my nose. Being judged for my looks in the past contributed to my anxiety. I wish looks weren’t focused on and it’s a shame that there’s judgemental people in the world. I agree with V - when you’re around the right people it can make a big difference. As something that I’ve noticed - there are people who will look at you differently and not in a negative way. And there’s people who will respect and value you as you are.

I’m 20 too and I think worries about body image are common in teens and young adults.