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(TW: SA, Racism) Knowing how pretty privilege can heavily effect your life makes me want to die
bignosegirly0
Posts: 30 Boards Initiate
TW: Sexual assault, racism, suicidal thoughts
Disclaimer: I have no current plans on killing my self. With that being said, I still don’t want to live in a world where my looks can have a massive impact on how successful / unsuccessful my life is.
Also, I apologise if this is a messy post. This is a topic that I think about on a daily basis. Hence, there may be important points that I may miss out, just because there is so much to talk about.
QUICK EDIT: there’s also brief mentions of racism and rape. I forgot to add that for those who may find those topics triggering.
I’ve always been insecure about my looks, but it was never serious until my late teens/ early adulthood. Having been bullied for my looks has ruined me as a person, and even therapy can’t help me after acknowledging the depressing reality of lookism and pretty privilege.
Everyday, I obsess over how pretty privilege can grant you success in having friends, relationships, better job opportunities, reputation and overall good mental well-being. You can even get away with shitty behaviour if you’re attractive enough. I believe in pretty privilege based on my experiences in the real world.
I’ve been ugly my whole life and started getting bullied for my appearance when I was 11. My flaws includes: hooked nose, eye bags, light / thin eyebrows, gummy teeth, plain face, smile lines, small breasts, hip dips, etc. the most common bullying treatment I received was being asked out as a joke. Nothing makes me feel more shitty than being approached by a group of guys, asking you out as a dare as they snicker in the background, as if the concept of someone liking you is the grossest shit ever. If the bullying stayed in high school, I would not care. But having to deal with guys mocking me for being ugly at work, makes me feel awful.
As an ugly woman, I’ve faced bullying and even harassment from male coworkers/customers and even strangers. The worst example was when a male coworker got his friends outside of work to chant insults from his car while I was giving out orders. I’ve also seen other unattractive female coworkers treated similarly to me from both customers and even managers. However, the attractive female coworkers never face this sort of treatment. In fact, they’re treated like literal angels.
There has been countless of conversations between coworkers and managers, debating which female coworker/manager they would have / not have sex with. When it comes to an ugly employee, they say the most degrading shit.
Even an ex manager even mentioned that years ago, they would hide away the ugly coworkers in the kitchen, and make the attractive coworkers work with the public in order to set a good image.
I’ve always hated the common argument that “looks doesn’t matter. As long as you’re a good person”. Because I know many attractive individuals who get away with shitty behaviour, simply because they’re attractive.
I remember a coworker named Derick who went on a rant about how he thinks England should kick out all foreign folks. Yet, everyone still loves him and he got into a relationship with a foreign lady.
A coworker named Kieran reposted a tiktok which included an REAL audio of a woman getting raped (no, I’m not shitting you). When I brought this up to his girlfriend, she refused to call him out and is still in a relationship with him til this day. He also reposted TikTok’s that includes racist stereotypes about Indians being unhygienic, saying we should bring back slavery and celebrating the death of foreigners.
A coworker named Alfie cheated on his girlfriend. Yet, he managed to get a new girlfriend straight away, despite others telling her not to get with him.
It’s overall depressing how as a woman, your worth in life is based on how fuckable you are to men. Either you can be a sex object or nothing. And currently, I am nothing. I will always be nothing. I don’t want to deny the fact that men have faced lookism in life. In fact, I’ve witness men being targeted for their looks many times. This is just me discussing my personal experiences.
This is a depressing fact about life that not even therapy can help with. Having a therapist tell you “beauty is subjective” and “no one is really judging you” is a nice thought. But when you get in the real world and face the same treatment you always do, you realise that it’s bullshit.
I honestly don’t know what’s worse: never having worth in life, or never finding love due to being ugly.
But knowing that this will never change makes me not want to live in this world.
Again, sorry if this is a rough post. Today is one of those days where I struggle to cope and my mind is all over the place. Hence, what I’m saying might not make sense. But I just wanted to vent, regardless.
Disclaimer: I have no current plans on killing my self. With that being said, I still don’t want to live in a world where my looks can have a massive impact on how successful / unsuccessful my life is.
Also, I apologise if this is a messy post. This is a topic that I think about on a daily basis. Hence, there may be important points that I may miss out, just because there is so much to talk about.
QUICK EDIT: there’s also brief mentions of racism and rape. I forgot to add that for those who may find those topics triggering.
I’ve always been insecure about my looks, but it was never serious until my late teens/ early adulthood. Having been bullied for my looks has ruined me as a person, and even therapy can’t help me after acknowledging the depressing reality of lookism and pretty privilege.
Everyday, I obsess over how pretty privilege can grant you success in having friends, relationships, better job opportunities, reputation and overall good mental well-being. You can even get away with shitty behaviour if you’re attractive enough. I believe in pretty privilege based on my experiences in the real world.
I’ve been ugly my whole life and started getting bullied for my appearance when I was 11. My flaws includes: hooked nose, eye bags, light / thin eyebrows, gummy teeth, plain face, smile lines, small breasts, hip dips, etc. the most common bullying treatment I received was being asked out as a joke. Nothing makes me feel more shitty than being approached by a group of guys, asking you out as a dare as they snicker in the background, as if the concept of someone liking you is the grossest shit ever. If the bullying stayed in high school, I would not care. But having to deal with guys mocking me for being ugly at work, makes me feel awful.
As an ugly woman, I’ve faced bullying and even harassment from male coworkers/customers and even strangers. The worst example was when a male coworker got his friends outside of work to chant insults from his car while I was giving out orders. I’ve also seen other unattractive female coworkers treated similarly to me from both customers and even managers. However, the attractive female coworkers never face this sort of treatment. In fact, they’re treated like literal angels.
There has been countless of conversations between coworkers and managers, debating which female coworker/manager they would have / not have sex with. When it comes to an ugly employee, they say the most degrading shit.
Even an ex manager even mentioned that years ago, they would hide away the ugly coworkers in the kitchen, and make the attractive coworkers work with the public in order to set a good image.
I’ve always hated the common argument that “looks doesn’t matter. As long as you’re a good person”. Because I know many attractive individuals who get away with shitty behaviour, simply because they’re attractive.
I remember a coworker named Derick who went on a rant about how he thinks England should kick out all foreign folks. Yet, everyone still loves him and he got into a relationship with a foreign lady.
A coworker named Kieran reposted a tiktok which included an REAL audio of a woman getting raped (no, I’m not shitting you). When I brought this up to his girlfriend, she refused to call him out and is still in a relationship with him til this day. He also reposted TikTok’s that includes racist stereotypes about Indians being unhygienic, saying we should bring back slavery and celebrating the death of foreigners.
A coworker named Alfie cheated on his girlfriend. Yet, he managed to get a new girlfriend straight away, despite others telling her not to get with him.
It’s overall depressing how as a woman, your worth in life is based on how fuckable you are to men. Either you can be a sex object or nothing. And currently, I am nothing. I will always be nothing. I don’t want to deny the fact that men have faced lookism in life. In fact, I’ve witness men being targeted for their looks many times. This is just me discussing my personal experiences.
This is a depressing fact about life that not even therapy can help with. Having a therapist tell you “beauty is subjective” and “no one is really judging you” is a nice thought. But when you get in the real world and face the same treatment you always do, you realise that it’s bullshit.
I honestly don’t know what’s worse: never having worth in life, or never finding love due to being ugly.
But knowing that this will never change makes me not want to live in this world.
Again, sorry if this is a rough post. Today is one of those days where I struggle to cope and my mind is all over the place. Hence, what I’m saying might not make sense. But I just wanted to vent, regardless.
Post edited by JustV on
3
Comments
Mostly I wanted to say that this is really fair - the stuff you've described in your post is absolutely awful, and you can't ignore the systemic inequalities that women face. It clear that you yourself have really felt the weight of that in your life and it just sucks.
It's not the same but I have some guy friends who grew up with very similar experiences to the ones you described - being asked out as a joke, people laughing, etc. That level of mockery when you're growing up is really scarring and it's truly awful stuff.
I think this is an understandable reaction. It's hard when a truth is being born out infront of you every day and you have someone trying to tell you the world isn't like that.
One thing I would say is that the people around you, the friends you make, and your workplace can make a big difference to how heavily you experience these things. I'm not saying the systemic inequalities won't always be present - that's just the nature of social issues - but something I learned in my life is that as I was able to get more independence and choose how my life looked, it was easier to pick the right people to be around, and that was a game changer.
But it's also understandle, when this is your experience, to not have much optimism that there are people out there who won't treat you this way.
I understand that this may not be helpful to hear, especially if you haven't experienced much evidence that these things can change, and maybe can't see a path forward (which feels like an important component for having hope for the future).
Can I ask - how old are you and what do you do for work/study?
My workplace includes mostly young adults my age or below. Obviously, most 20-year-olds are likely to act immature, especially when beginning adulthood. But there have been many instances where bullies have driven me to a worse mental state. And sadly, I don’t think this issue will go away unless I find a more mature workplace who are empathetic.
A good deal of ex-coworkers have complained about similar treatments from other team members, which caused them to leave. Even one of my managers has stated that the reason she came back to my workplace is that there is a normalised “bullying culture” in our area. So overall, not great people to work with. Especially when you’re trying to recover mentally.
For months, I’ve been trying to find a new job on Indeed. However, I have received many declines, despite having decent educational and work experience.
However, I recently met up with a manager who works at a Costa near my village who stated she’ll consider hiring me for an upcoming work opportunity if possible.
I have little hope, but I’m keeping my fingers crossed.
I’m 20 too and I think worries about body image are common in teens and young adults.