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My teacher threatened to burn my book
Anonymous55
Posts: 40 Boards Initiate
My maths teacher told me she'll burn my book if she ever sees me reading it in her class again because I wasn't marking the answers to a classroom task she set.
I was in maths today, and all day I've been exhausted because I went on a trip yesterday, and I burned a lot of energy, and then went to bed at 11 something. So I wasn't entirely focused on doing the work, and I was taking a few more minutes than usual to read my book (I answered a few of the questions for each task she set, maybe 3/4ths of them, and then I'd get tired and start reading) and I sit at the front of the class. Now normally, she ignores me. I was happy with this, especially because I had no issues with her; she's who I genuinely considered to be a nice person with a pleasant personality, and a good teacher.
And then, during one of her walks around the classroom, she came over to me. It was a bare five minutes before the end of class, and the beginning of break, so I guess she was having a bad day, got cocky, and decided I would be her target, despite the fact that I've never, ever made trouble in her class before; hell, I barely even speak. So she walks over to my desk, pushes my pencil case aside to reveal my planner, turns it over so she can see my name on it, and then says "Oh, now what's your naaame-" she reads it out loud, then grabs my book, not even bothering to slip the bookmark which is black and right in front of her damn face into it, and tells me "If I ever see you reading your book in my class again, I will burn it."
Cue the gasps from the entire class, her placid smile and nodding at me (and I return my own little smile because I'm not allowing the bitch to win, or to even think she has) and all the kids (some of which hate me and called me slurs during past years) start telling me I shouldn't take it. Meanwhile, I'm sitting stock still in my chair, pen in hand, staring straight at the screen as I feel my hands shake like fucking shit because my PTSD is on full damn alert and I'm trying not to cry, and my desk partner (bless her she was my goddamn savior right then) reached over, hands fumbling for my book as she asks me for the price, and then swears when she sees it's seven pounds. I open my bag to show her the next book in the series, and her eyebrows go up. She asks me if my parents bought the whole series, and gets even more pissed when i tell her yes.
She hated our teacher from the very start, and while I internally disagreed with her, I never said anything. Now I fully understand, even though I don't hate the teacher(we have two of them and the stricter one if the one I disliked, so every day I'd walked into miss 'burn the book's class and be glad I didn't have the other one. Now I'm fully looking forward to ever class that isn't her's.
Anyway, back to what happened: Once the bell rang, I walked out of class and went to the toilets, where I found one of my older friends waiting outside for his friend. I asked for a hug and he obliged (we bonded over trauma and PTSD because we used to have counselling at the same time as each other) He saw that I was upset, because I didn't stop hugging him after the normal amount of time, and asked me if I was ok. I said no, and he asked what happened and if I wanted to talk about it. I told him, and when I named the teacher he told me it was ok, because 'she used to do that to him to'. Obviously, I was horrified that a teacher would abuse her position like that to threaten a student, but I didn't say anything because when I've told people that they have issues they need to sort out, to their faces, they tend to have breakdowns.
So, now I'm at home, back in a safe environment, and I need people who can tell me what to do, because I'm young and I don't know what a healthy mindset is. I was forced to skip my counselling session for the school trip, and half term is coming up, so I won't be around my friends unless we go out. I have a lot of issues that I need to unpack, and I just-I don't know. The awful thing about this is that I'm not even angry or upset with her. I'm scared of her, because in that moment, the threat seemed very real, and even though I know it's not like she'd actually do that, it's still scary for me because in those few seconds, she dismantled the trust, faith and respect I have for her. She basically told me that she doesn't respect me, my possessions, or the bond between student and teacher. She told me I am not safe in her classroom, that my show of comfort is not welcome, and that the barriers I have built up around myself due to the abuse I have experienced from my peers and teachers are fully necessary withing her class. So now I'm going to have to walk into that class everyday, hunched over my things, avoiding eye contact with her, not speaking a goddamn word or breathing too loud because she thinks that children don't have boundaries we need in order to feel safe around adults, like adults need boundaries around each other. I hate that the people around me, especially those in positions of power constantly let me down like this. I hate it. I don't know whether I should tell a teacher or my parents or brother. Please help.
I was in maths today, and all day I've been exhausted because I went on a trip yesterday, and I burned a lot of energy, and then went to bed at 11 something. So I wasn't entirely focused on doing the work, and I was taking a few more minutes than usual to read my book (I answered a few of the questions for each task she set, maybe 3/4ths of them, and then I'd get tired and start reading) and I sit at the front of the class. Now normally, she ignores me. I was happy with this, especially because I had no issues with her; she's who I genuinely considered to be a nice person with a pleasant personality, and a good teacher.
And then, during one of her walks around the classroom, she came over to me. It was a bare five minutes before the end of class, and the beginning of break, so I guess she was having a bad day, got cocky, and decided I would be her target, despite the fact that I've never, ever made trouble in her class before; hell, I barely even speak. So she walks over to my desk, pushes my pencil case aside to reveal my planner, turns it over so she can see my name on it, and then says "Oh, now what's your naaame-" she reads it out loud, then grabs my book, not even bothering to slip the bookmark which is black and right in front of her damn face into it, and tells me "If I ever see you reading your book in my class again, I will burn it."
Cue the gasps from the entire class, her placid smile and nodding at me (and I return my own little smile because I'm not allowing the bitch to win, or to even think she has) and all the kids (some of which hate me and called me slurs during past years) start telling me I shouldn't take it. Meanwhile, I'm sitting stock still in my chair, pen in hand, staring straight at the screen as I feel my hands shake like fucking shit because my PTSD is on full damn alert and I'm trying not to cry, and my desk partner (bless her she was my goddamn savior right then) reached over, hands fumbling for my book as she asks me for the price, and then swears when she sees it's seven pounds. I open my bag to show her the next book in the series, and her eyebrows go up. She asks me if my parents bought the whole series, and gets even more pissed when i tell her yes.
She hated our teacher from the very start, and while I internally disagreed with her, I never said anything. Now I fully understand, even though I don't hate the teacher(we have two of them and the stricter one if the one I disliked, so every day I'd walked into miss 'burn the book's class and be glad I didn't have the other one. Now I'm fully looking forward to ever class that isn't her's.
Anyway, back to what happened: Once the bell rang, I walked out of class and went to the toilets, where I found one of my older friends waiting outside for his friend. I asked for a hug and he obliged (we bonded over trauma and PTSD because we used to have counselling at the same time as each other) He saw that I was upset, because I didn't stop hugging him after the normal amount of time, and asked me if I was ok. I said no, and he asked what happened and if I wanted to talk about it. I told him, and when I named the teacher he told me it was ok, because 'she used to do that to him to'. Obviously, I was horrified that a teacher would abuse her position like that to threaten a student, but I didn't say anything because when I've told people that they have issues they need to sort out, to their faces, they tend to have breakdowns.
So, now I'm at home, back in a safe environment, and I need people who can tell me what to do, because I'm young and I don't know what a healthy mindset is. I was forced to skip my counselling session for the school trip, and half term is coming up, so I won't be around my friends unless we go out. I have a lot of issues that I need to unpack, and I just-I don't know. The awful thing about this is that I'm not even angry or upset with her. I'm scared of her, because in that moment, the threat seemed very real, and even though I know it's not like she'd actually do that, it's still scary for me because in those few seconds, she dismantled the trust, faith and respect I have for her. She basically told me that she doesn't respect me, my possessions, or the bond between student and teacher. She told me I am not safe in her classroom, that my show of comfort is not welcome, and that the barriers I have built up around myself due to the abuse I have experienced from my peers and teachers are fully necessary withing her class. So now I'm going to have to walk into that class everyday, hunched over my things, avoiding eye contact with her, not speaking a goddamn word or breathing too loud because she thinks that children don't have boundaries we need in order to feel safe around adults, like adults need boundaries around each other. I hate that the people around me, especially those in positions of power constantly let me down like this. I hate it. I don't know whether I should tell a teacher or my parents or brother. Please help.
8
Comments
Ive never been to a proper school myself but even I know that teachers shouldn’t be saying things like that. Burn your book like? That’s mentalist behaviour. Books are important and sure if you’re using one to wind down that’s your business. It was for a tiny few minutes and was harmless😕
Oh this is so ignorant and annoying. How long have you been her student? She hasn’t even bothered to learn your name? I’d suggest that she starts reading, starts reading the list of her students names because not knowing is pure laziness and openly admitting to not knowing is embarrassing for her.
I don’t blame you for feeling scared tbh. Even if you do know it was an empty threat. Just hearing it is intimidating and also putting you in the spotlight Infront of the whole class was just uncalled for. No one should feel unsafe in school , or anywhere for that matter. But school should be your safe space.
I feel like if I was in your shoes I’d probably talk to my mam or maybe another adult who I trust. I’d let them talk to my school but you could also speak with another teacher and tell them what happened and how you feel?
At the end of the day, teachers are supposed to help us and make us feel safe. If your teacher isn’t giving you that then she’s failing at giving the bare minimum and that needs to change.
So yeah my advice would be to tell someone .
Hope you’re feeling okay 💚
I don’t even know what to say. I’m so sorry you went through that. It was a book for goodness sake, not like you were actually doing anything bad. There was no need to threaten you like that, she could’ve just asked nicely for you to put it away or even confiscated it for the duration of the lesson if she was gonna be mean, but threatening to destroy it in such a violent way is messed up. No wonder you’re scared. That’s such a weird thing of her to say.
I agree with Faolan - I think you should definitely tell someone about it if you can. No teacher should be treating a student like that.
I just want to echo what @Faolan said because I can't believe she didn't know your name already. I would've thought that was the first step for teachers to build connections with their students - to simply learn their name! This sounds so frustrating and rude.
This is just so harsh and unnecessary for her to say. I understand that you was probably supposed to be marking your answers instead of reading your book, but saying she's going to burn your book is so unneeded. There are worse things you could be doing in her class than simply reading a book!
I hear how much this has affected you @Anonymous55 and it's completely understandable and valid. You genuinely sound so wise and self-aware in your reflections about this situation and I couldn't have put it better myself. To her whilst it may have seemed like a quick comment that she won't lose any sleep over, this has impacted you greatly. I would absolutely recommend telling someone whether that's a teacher or a family member. This deserves to be addressed and you 100% deserve an apology.
I'm really glad you have the support of your friends they sound like really lovely people to lean on. To be seen by others and also to have them be there when terrible things happen like this can make so much difference. To know that you're not alone or over-reacting, because you're really not.
How are you feeling today about it all? Are you able to reschedule your counselling session? I'm sure it would be really useful for you to discuss this with your counsellor in a safe setting, especially with someone who knows you
it's good to hear you've got supportive people around you as well. hope you feel at least a little bit better today.
sending hugs