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disconnected
Chloe234
Posts: 3,310 Boards Guru
I just feel so dissconnected? It feels like im just a massive outsider and dont fit in anywhere. At home im just here and my sisters and dad talk frequently but i just stay out the way. Most my days are now taken over by college work and im not even making plans to go out with friends or anything. Im just stuck like this. Even when i am with my family though i still feel like i dont belong. And not even just with my family its anywhere. Like with friends or even just in general.
Dinnertime at home I come downstairs take my food and kinda just exist at the table while my sisters and dad chats and watches tv and chats. Im not intrested in what they are either so its not like i can just join in. I feel like i dont belong even just at college too. Again im just..there. Ive made no proper friends at college and the only 2 friends i have are from secondary school but one is more intrested in her massive group of friends shes made and the other friend isnt in on mondays so its only really tuesdays and wednesdays we hang out. Most mondays are spent alone.
I just wish this didnt have to be like it. I just feel like im so broken and im just a rubbish person with a rubbish personality and im just not important. I want to feel something other than the numbness/emptyness, lowness, anxiety and just horrible feelings. I want to feel like i matter and that im cared about. But all of it just feels like it can never happen. I dont see any joy with life but im still just living and have to keep going.
I want to be fixed but itll never happen. College isnt what i expected it to be at all. i like the course yet the experience is a lot. I spend my days well and truely exhausted. I feel like breaking down daily but the tears never come out. Its all just so rubbish. Im just trying to remind myself that nearish the end of october ill be on placement and then atleast hopefullly thatll be better.
I feel like im unfixable
Dinnertime at home I come downstairs take my food and kinda just exist at the table while my sisters and dad chats and watches tv and chats. Im not intrested in what they are either so its not like i can just join in. I feel like i dont belong even just at college too. Again im just..there. Ive made no proper friends at college and the only 2 friends i have are from secondary school but one is more intrested in her massive group of friends shes made and the other friend isnt in on mondays so its only really tuesdays and wednesdays we hang out. Most mondays are spent alone.
I just wish this didnt have to be like it. I just feel like im so broken and im just a rubbish person with a rubbish personality and im just not important. I want to feel something other than the numbness/emptyness, lowness, anxiety and just horrible feelings. I want to feel like i matter and that im cared about. But all of it just feels like it can never happen. I dont see any joy with life but im still just living and have to keep going.
I want to be fixed but itll never happen. College isnt what i expected it to be at all. i like the course yet the experience is a lot. I spend my days well and truely exhausted. I feel like breaking down daily but the tears never come out. Its all just so rubbish. Im just trying to remind myself that nearish the end of october ill be on placement and then atleast hopefullly thatll be better.
I feel like im unfixable
🦆💜🦆💜🦆
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