disconnected

Chloe234

I just feel so dissconnected? It feels like im just a massive outsider and dont fit in anywhere. At home im just here and my sisters and dad talk frequently but i just stay out the way. Most my days are now taken over by college work and im not even making plans to go out with friends or anything. Im just stuck like this. Even when i am with my family though i still feel like i dont belong. And not even just with my family its anywhere. Like with friends or even just in general.

Dinnertime at home I come downstairs take my food and kinda just exist at the table while my sisters and dad chats and watches tv and chats. Im not intrested in what they are either so its not like i can just join in. I feel like i dont belong even just at college too. Again im just..there. Ive made no proper friends at college and the only 2 friends i have are from secondary school but one is more intrested in her massive group of friends shes made and the other friend isnt in on mondays so its only really tuesdays and wednesdays we hang out. Most mondays are spent alone.

I just wish this didnt have to be like it. I just feel like im so broken and im just a rubbish person with a rubbish personality and im just not important. I want to feel something other than the numbness/emptyness, lowness, anxiety and just horrible feelings. I want to feel like i matter and that im cared about. But all of it just feels like it can never happen. I dont see any joy with life but im still just living and have to keep going.

I want to be fixed but itll never happen. College isnt what i expected it to be at all. i like the course yet the experience is a lot. I spend my days well and truely exhausted. I feel like breaking down daily but the tears never come out. Its all just so rubbish. Im just trying to remind myself that nearish the end of october ill be on placement and then atleast hopefullly thatll be better.

I feel like im unfixable

amy02

Gosh @Chloe234 I can hear you are dealing with a lot right now and am sending you the biggest hug Changes with friendships, going to college, and loneliness are all very real things that can take a toll on a person.

Remember we are always here for you to work through these difficult emotions. All of us here care about you and do not think you are unimportant - you and your feelings matter and should be heard.
Just to check, are you able to keep yourself safe at the moment?

Keep us updated with how you are, we're here to listen

Chloe234

Thankyou @amy02 I forgot I'd made this tbh lmao it's just been pushed to the depths.

Yeah I'm safe

Orchid059

Hi @Chloe234 I wanted to check in with you to see how you are getting on. I'd like to remind you that you are important and how you feel is valid. I can understand how difficult it is when everything piles up and feels overwhelming, and this often leads to a vicious cycle of feeling low. It can be hard to break that cycle but keep holding out hope. It's important not to bottle these emotions up so it's so good that you are opening up to the commmunity and reaching out.

You mentioned your two friends from secondary school. Do you feel like you would be comfortable opening up to them about how you are feeling? And with regards to your sister and dad maybe they are unaware that you are feeling left out, so if you brought it to their attention maybe you could try and watch shows that you all enjoy and can chat about. I know it can feel pointless putting in effort sometimes, especially when you feel like it isn't reciprocated, but sometimes people just aren't aware that you are struggling. Reaching out is one of the best first steps in creating change for yourself.

Also was curious with whether you've started your placement yet/ how's it going. I'd love to hear all about it.

We see and hear you Chloe- you are not alone and we are here to help you through this.

Keep reaching out

stardust444

@Chloe234 hi<3
I’m so so sorry to hear you feel like this because you don’t deserve it at all, I hope you’re doing okay!! All your feelings are valid but I promise you are not a rubbish person, you are amazing and you deserve love and great friends. If you ever want someone to talk to, I am always here<3