Police

Rose113

The police came which ended up having a panic attack because thought they came for me after I said something to my friend that came off kinda concerning.

Ended up breaking down in tears over what they told me, I never want to be told about someone passing away in that way ever again, it’s horrible and such a gut wrenching experience 💔

I don’t even know what to do anymore, I keep zoning out and crying, this is so hard, one thing after another. Why can’t I keep all these people safe from suicide, is it my fault, am I the reason they keep leaving 😭😭😭😭

Lucy_21

No love you are not the reason, you are typing to help and that is so kind. Just unfortunately no matter how hard we try they just can’t see a light anymore so it doesn’t work. That is not your fault, if anything they probably would have left sooner if it wasn’t for you ❤️ suicide prevention is a very worthy but difficult job and the fact you are trying is enough because it’s better than you causing it. You are fighting a good fight love keep it up❤️

JustV

@Rose113 firstly I just wanted to say that's an awful call to take. There's nothing worse. It's a special kind of grief when you lose someone you know to suicide, and remember there's a lot of support out there (including here) for something like this. You don't have to be alone.

However I am going to challenge @Lucy_21's perspective above slightly. She's totally right that you're not the reason anyone leaves or ends their lives, and that your efforts to help obviously come from a kind and caring place. But suicide prevention isn't a job for any person - it's a job for systems, institutions, and communities.

The difficult truth is that we can't save people; not by ourselves. Nobody can. Trying to do that puts an enormous amount of pressure on you which isn't healthy. What we can do is help people, listen to them, and be a supportive and safe part of their lives. I'd encourage you to reflect on the differences between that and trying to save somebody.

@Lucy_21 said your friend probably would have left sooner if it wasn't for you -- and that might be true, but it also might not be. And I'm not saying that to devalue what you did for them, I'm saying that to take this pressure off you that you're the person keeping someone else alive. Because their lives are bigger than us and it's healthy to realise that we're a small part of their world.

I'm very conscious that you just lost someone and I don't mean to be insensitive. The thing I'm trying to get at is that you probably had a lot less control over your friend's death than you think.

I learned this lesson myself, and it became much easier to support my friends when I realised that I was one part of the tapestry that is their life; not their sole protector. People's lives are so much bigger and deeper than we ever know and realising that can be quite liberating.

It's really obvious that you want to protect and help people @Rose113, and I know from your previous posts here that you put a lot of pressure on yourself to do that for others. I would just encourage you to think about where your responsibility as a friend starts and finishes, and what a healthy dynamic looks like when trying to help somebody (particularly somebody in crisis).

It's important to allow yourself the space you need to grieve your friend. I imagine that'll be a lot bigger than what we can do for you at The Mix, and if you'd like suggestions for bereavement support we can definitely give you some. ✨

Rose113

Mhm @JustV but I’m expected to save people that’s my whole life, I’m just the therapist friend either way, everyone expects me to fix and save them. If I can’t save them what use am I even. Listening won’t save them

Former Member

I'm sorry for your loss

Rose113 wrote: »

Mhm @JustV but I’m expected to save people that’s my whole life, I’m just the therapist friend either way, everyone expects me to fix and save them. If I can’t save them what use am I even. Listening won’t save them

I've kind of felt this way before too but tbh, even actual therapists aren't there to "fix" or "save" people. Their role is kind of to guide, listen and support. It's really sad that your friend felt like this was their only option, and I can only imagine how hard this must feel for you but as hard as it is to accept, there were likely so many other factors influencing their thoughts that were wayyy beyond your control.

Listening and being there may not seem like enough when you're in the thick of this but sometimes that's the most powerful thing you can offer. Be kind to yourself too because you deserve space to grieve and feel and sure, it's okay to step back and just be without feeling like you have to have all the answers the whole time

sinead276

sending you a big hug @Rose113