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Feelings alone ATM

Lucy_21Lucy_21 Posts: 158 Helping Hand
edited September 22 in Health & Wellbeing
TW SH
Hey I'm 21 and struggled with SH since 16 I I haven't done so in a round a year now but I've been finished with college a year and feel like I'm nowhere as my disability (high function CP) is making it a lot more difficult for me to get a job then my friends so I'm starting to feel behind and I'm starting to worry I may never get a job. I'm starting to wonder if there is any point in my life or if college is as far as I'll get and may as well stop now. I'm not at the point of thinking end it now yet but my SH urges are back and I don't want it to get worse but my parents don't understand and when the first found out they pretty much said I had no reason to do it despite knowing I've been bullied my whole life and so yes they knew I did it but said nothing. I don't want to do it again but it's getting hard to fight it with the thought of my life having nowhere left to go getting stronger every day. I'm just worried one day it will be worse so thought it was time to ask for some kind of help even if it's just here for now
Post edited by Gemma on

Comments

  • toffuna101toffuna101 Posts: 1,502 Extreme Poster
    cp as in celebral palsy? i have it and its annoying as hell.
  • Lucy_21Lucy_21 Posts: 158 Helping Hand
    Yes I just sick at spelling it and yes agreed I feel your pain it defiantly sucks
  • toffuna101toffuna101 Posts: 1,502 Extreme Poster
    edited September 21
    surely the equality act of 2010 should allow you to get a job more easily when youre disabled. unless if there are accessibility issues (like stairs, no seating ect). they should arrange accessibility for you though.
  • Lucy_21Lucy_21 Posts: 158 Helping Hand
    edited September 21
    It's more my parents they don't seem that interested in helping me at all. They seem to discourage me leaving home or getting a job and only seem to believe I have depression and stuff if it helps them and because of my learning problems I feel like no one will take me seriously or my side and I'm starting to feel just done
  • toffuna101toffuna101 Posts: 1,502 Extreme Poster
    oh ok. youre getting older now so your parents should let you have more independence now. since youre an adult they legally cannot take of you now unless they are your carer.
  • Lucy_21Lucy_21 Posts: 158 Helping Hand
    That's the problem my mom is and my appointie too as i have problems understanding at times with my processing problems so I'm lost right now
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 172 Helping Hand
    Hi @Lucy_21

    Firstly, thank you for reaching out. I think it's brave of you, as it sounds like you are going through a lot right now. It isn't easy to get a job right now, and especially taking in mind your disability. The job hunt can be frustrating, disheartening, and demotivating. It can cause feelings of hopelessness and make you question yourself. But know that eventually, your time will come. Everyone is on their own journey and things happen for people at different times. I know it may not seem like it now, but one day you will realise that, and hopefully that time comes soon.

    I think it is great you show so much awareness of your thoughts and emotions. It takes a lot of courage to ask for help. What kind of help do you think would be helpful or did you have something in mind? Do you have any other support?
  • Lucy_21Lucy_21 Posts: 158 Helping Hand
    Thank you and no family wise I'm on my own apparently. I'm just feeling more hopeless and honesty useless each night and don't know what to do. At this point I feel like giving up on everything. I don't want to back to my SH but it's getting hard to stop myself.
  • eylaheylah Posts: 4,660 The Mix Elder
    sending you hugs lucy. <3
    keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍
  • toffuna101toffuna101 Posts: 1,502 Extreme Poster
    same
  • Lucy_21Lucy_21 Posts: 158 Helping Hand
    Thank you @eylah and @toffuna101 it's comforting to know I have some back up. I mean I have my friends too but somehow it's refreshing when it's someone anonymously
  • toffuna101toffuna101 Posts: 1,502 Extreme Poster
    true. if you ever need more support the mix is here to help.
  • Lucy_21Lucy_21 Posts: 158 Helping Hand
    Thank you I really appreciate it more than you know
  • GemmaGemma Community Manager Posts: 1,138 Wise Owl
    edited September 22
    I'm really sorry you're feeling this way @Lucy_21, and we're so proud of you for reaching out and being honest about how you're struggling. It takes a lot of strength to ask for help, especially when it feels like people close to you aren't fully understanding or supporting what you're going through. <3

    It sounds really difficult to be making these comparisons to those around you and to be worried about your job prospects. What kind of work or job do you see yourself wanting to do? Have you looked into support services that could help with finding a job that fits your strengths and needs?

    It sounds like it’s been really painful not having your parents fully understand what you're going through. I know it’s tough when people you need aren’t offering the support you deserve, but that doesn’t mean you're alone. There are others who will listen and understand, like us.

    It's a huge achievement to have gone a year without SH, and it shows that you have resilience, even when it doesn’t feel like it. Are there any strategies or things that have helped you before when the urges come back? Sometimes having small ways to cope can help keep those urges in check. You’ve been so strong already, and reaching out here shows that feeling better is something that you want to hold onto which is important.

    I'm hearing that you're worried about having those SH urges and that you're feeling like you should give up on everything, I'm just wondering if you feel like you can keep yourself safe?

    Mind has a great article with some tips on coping with urges to SH. There are also apps like Calm Harm and distrACT with tips and techniques on coping with SH - we'd always recommend trying these things out.

    You don’t have to carry this all alone, and we're here for you. If you are ever worried about your safety, there are lots of lovely services you can reach out to for support:
    Crisis Messenger (24/7) | text THEMIX to 85258
    Samartians (24/7) | call 116 123 | email jo@samaritans.org
    Papyrus (2pm-midnight) | call 0800 068 41 41 | text 07786 209 697 | email pat@payrus-uk.org
    Supportline (hours vary) | call 01708 765 200
    Childline | call 0800 11 11

    I also just wanted to let you know that I edited your post briefly just in line with our community guidelines to remove a SH location you mentioned. Don't worry about this at all, it's just us keeping the boards safe. :)

    Sending hugs <3
    ♡♡♡
  • Lucy_21Lucy_21 Posts: 158 Helping Hand
    Thank you @Gemma I really appreciate that and yes but it's more than them not understanding they fully ignore it and even blame me for just wanting attention. Yes I want attention but not that kind,I just want them to at least try and help.

    I know it's not good for me to compare myself all the time but it's hard not to when I've been bullied my whole life. I'm just finding myself thinking more and more lately that this world isn't built for me and no one physically seem to want to help if anything make it harder. It's even harder when all my friends have moved on so easy while I'm still here. I'm happy for them I really am but it makes it hurt even more and I feel selfish.

    Since I can remember I've always wanted to be a midwife and my whole educational life I never thought different. On option day a TA said "how can you look after a child if you can't look after your self. I don't usually care what others say but I was being bullied at the time by a group of girls badly, scared about exams and my nana died at the same time. She was who believed in me the most and who I went to so I guess it went deeper because of it as nothing has hurt me so much before or since. It deflated me a lot but I carried on for her and got to passing my first year of health and social in college. Then just before finishing the year my tutor said due to my learning problems she didn't think I'd cope in level two. I agreed but that night I broke. Something in me snapped and I've not been the same since. I tried performing arts but my tutor said the same thing but due to my disability but I wasn't as hurt because I agreed it just wasn't practical anymore. I went to art and design instead. I felt amazing and passed and then passed level two. I wanted to do level three fashion to make clothes for disabilities. Dwarfism, conjoined twins things like that for better prise, quality and range. Due to my disability being stopped I couldn't. I felt horrible like I failed again and the world just wasn't for me but worse because I was so close so felt like I lost more. I've been trying to voluntar instead but like I said my parents won't help. Now I feel like this is as far as I'll get and may as well stop now.

    Thank you and yes I used to use the snap band thing but it's not working anymore. I haven't yet but want to. I do want to sort out everything but I feel hopeless right now and need help with a direction. Yes I'm safe I'm just stuck and want to sort it before the urge gets too strong but like I said don't know how at this point.

    I'll look at them now and thank you. Sorry about the wording and thank you for fixing it. I just tend to write exactly what I think due to how my mind works with my processing problems so can't help it but again thank you for the care, advice and fixing it for me💖
  • toffuna101toffuna101 Posts: 1,502 Extreme Poster
    the phrase "how can you look after a child when you can't look after yourself" is bs, just because you have a disability that doesnt mean you cant take care of yourself and take care of a child at the same time. sure, it may be harder but with a support circle you can do anything you make your mind up to. its nice that you were able to get level 2 qualifications though as its useful for you to get a job in the future even if you may struggle in doing so because of your parents.
  • Lucy_21Lucy_21 Posts: 158 Helping Hand
    I know I guess it was hard with timing and not only did she attack me at a vulnerable time anyway but using the things I cared for the most. Being both a midwife and a mother. (I was a vocal child until the bullying of the girls so she knew) Both of which she broke for me. I know I don't think I can be a midwife at this point due to many things which hurts but I'm alright with it now but being told I'd be a bad mother. That killed me. I'm scared to even try now because I can mess up my life as much as I want but I never want to do that to my child. I'd rather sacrifice being a mother and never be happy than become one and mess it up. I'm just scared that I'll never get a job or be able to raise a child because they are all I want and if I can't because I'm not good enough then I'm scared I'll lose the point too much. I know I'd love them more than anything but it doesn't matter how much I love them if I can't look after them properly.
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