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my sister (again, 3 years later)
Former Member
scotlandPosts: 12 Settling in
I haven't been on this site in forever, but I just fancy ranting to my self just now. 3 years ago, I posted a discussion about my sister and how the way she behaves affects my family. im sad to say it hasn't got any better, perhaps worse. She has become more verbally abusive towards my parents and im not sure what to do anymore. Ive stopped interacting with her altogether despite us living in the same house, but my parents can't do the same. She has recently turned 18 and there has been discussion of asking her to leave, but nothing has happened about it for fear that she would end up in a dangerous position.
Currently, she is downstairs shouting and screaming at my mum because she wants a lift to get her nails done tomorrow morning. It's a really upsetting and difficult position to be in, I won't make the situation any better by going down and helping my mum, but it's so hard to just sit and do nothing. So here I am writing this post.
Over the last 3 years, my sisters behaviour has evolved from being tantrum like to downright abusive. She is like this practically all day every day now, hence why I no longer talk to her. Her tactic is to wear my mum down by hurling insults and screaming at her until my mum has enough and just agrees. I know it is not the right thing to do, and you should never give into a bully but it often feels as if she has no other choice. I am getting really concerned for my mums mental health. Not only does she have to deal with my sisters behaviour, but she also works from home so she almost can't escape the horrible treatment she gets.
For some context, my family have been nothing but loving and caring towards us both growing up. I am beyond grateful for everything they have done for me over the years and for their constant support and love. My sister is just about 2 years younger than me and I struggle to see why she can't understand this. We were always polar opposites growing up, her being stubborn but outgoing and me being shy and creative. Over the last 5 years or so, we have tried to help my sister in many different ways. Initially we tried getting help through her high school, but she would often skip classes or miss school completely, so that was a bit of a dead end. We then tried to get her to see a child psychologist so she could have someone to speak to about how she was feeling. This was another dead end as she would just say what the psychologist wanted to hear and not care to change her ways. A year or so later, she started CAHMS (another dead end). After that, we tried to get her to see a therapist at the local wellness clinic, but she would never go to the appointments and wasted so much money. We have even tried alternative therapies such as reiki and massage. All have been met with disgust and or disinterest.
I understand you can't make someone get help if they don't want it but we cannot keep living like this. It's killing my parents inside that their daughter is going through these issues but she will not accept any kind of help or even love.
That's all I'll say for now. If anyone stuck around to read my rant, thank you! Im not sure what im expecting from this post, but it can never hurt to get your feelings out. Thank you again
Currently, she is downstairs shouting and screaming at my mum because she wants a lift to get her nails done tomorrow morning. It's a really upsetting and difficult position to be in, I won't make the situation any better by going down and helping my mum, but it's so hard to just sit and do nothing. So here I am writing this post.
Over the last 3 years, my sisters behaviour has evolved from being tantrum like to downright abusive. She is like this practically all day every day now, hence why I no longer talk to her. Her tactic is to wear my mum down by hurling insults and screaming at her until my mum has enough and just agrees. I know it is not the right thing to do, and you should never give into a bully but it often feels as if she has no other choice. I am getting really concerned for my mums mental health. Not only does she have to deal with my sisters behaviour, but she also works from home so she almost can't escape the horrible treatment she gets.
For some context, my family have been nothing but loving and caring towards us both growing up. I am beyond grateful for everything they have done for me over the years and for their constant support and love. My sister is just about 2 years younger than me and I struggle to see why she can't understand this. We were always polar opposites growing up, her being stubborn but outgoing and me being shy and creative. Over the last 5 years or so, we have tried to help my sister in many different ways. Initially we tried getting help through her high school, but she would often skip classes or miss school completely, so that was a bit of a dead end. We then tried to get her to see a child psychologist so she could have someone to speak to about how she was feeling. This was another dead end as she would just say what the psychologist wanted to hear and not care to change her ways. A year or so later, she started CAHMS (another dead end). After that, we tried to get her to see a therapist at the local wellness clinic, but she would never go to the appointments and wasted so much money. We have even tried alternative therapies such as reiki and massage. All have been met with disgust and or disinterest.
I understand you can't make someone get help if they don't want it but we cannot keep living like this. It's killing my parents inside that their daughter is going through these issues but she will not accept any kind of help or even love.
That's all I'll say for now. If anyone stuck around to read my rant, thank you! Im not sure what im expecting from this post, but it can never hurt to get your feelings out. Thank you again
Post edited by Gemma on
3
Comments
It’s clear from what you've written that your sister’s behaviour is having a serious impact on your family, especially on your mum. Given how tough things are, it might be helpful for you and her to get some support for your own mental health? There are organisations that offer counselling and support for people in stressful situations e.g. Mind provides resources and support for mental health, and Family Lives offers advice and support for families dealing with difficult behaviours. It might be worth speaking to your parents about those options too if you can see them struggling?
Establishing boundaries is really important for protecting your own space and mental health too. It’s tough to confront someone who is being abusive and to keep trying to help them help themselves, and sometimes it’s necessary to step back to maintain your own wellbeing. You’re absolutely right that you can’t force someone to change their behaviour. I hope you're able to take steps to protect your own space and mental health
How are you managing everything right now? Are there any resources or support systems that you or your family have found helpful at all? We're always here if you want to talk more or need any support.