Toxic Relationship

pharmagirl27

me and my bf started dating last spring, we broke up in august 2023 due to complications, too many people involved in our relationship etc.
We didnt speak in september, oct, nov, dec. We were toxic during that time- no caller ID and just having a go at each other etc. We were in no contact.
until Jan 1st 2024. I told myself I was going to move on and focus on myself, I have uni and work etc.
He messaged at midnight on jan 1st saying 'i am sorry for what i did etc hope you have a good life bla bla bla'.
on that same night, we spoke about things, things we had missed out on in each others lives over the past few month. Things we wanted to updated each other with.
Slowly slowly we kept on talking and its taking us until now, we are in a proper rs. we even worked together during june-august.
However it has become toxic again.
He asks me to remove boys off my social media (my guy uni friends- who have been friends with a year before i met him).
he says 'well you put them over me then?'
makes me block guys and i have done so much for him, he just manipulates me.
but i have done so much for him, im in a battle with myself where i feel like i cant leave because of the amount of effort i have put into my relationship with him. it is so draining and i dont even know what i feel anymore.
i have no motivation to go out of my house, meet with friends, get up out of bed, i eat junk food constantly. dont know what to do.

sinead276

first of all - sorry to hear you're going through this, i can imagine there is a lot of different feelings and emotions going through your head and heart at the moment surrounding the whole situation

whilst i may not be the best at relationship advice, i'll try and give it my best shot
i think the fundamental question is - does the relationship make you feel loved and secure and happy?

because that's what you deserve. you deserve someone who makes you feel good and happy, and not like you're being manipulated or draining you. you deserve someone who doesn't make you block your friends online and stuff, but is supportive of the friendships you have.

whilst i can't give you an answer on what to do, what i'd probably say is to take some time for yourself to think the situation through. is it adding to your life and making you happy the way you deserve - or even do you think he could become that person?. whatever you decide we are all here to support you however we can.

hope this helped (even if it was just a little bit) and sending a big hug
Sinéad

pharmagirl27

thank youuu so much Sinead, I really appreciate your help.
Honestly I have no clue how I am feeling and because I have come back to this rs after going through the break up with him alst year, im trying to decide whether it is best to stay with him.
but i am confused, i like him, but idont wanna leave because i feel like i will just come running abckk to him.
but he is really hurting me deep down- i dont know. i am so confused ):

sinead276

it's perfectly okay to be confused. when there are so many different emotions involved, it's often the case that it becomes hard to figure out.

it's okay that you don't have an answer right now - it might be that you need to just take a bit of time to think about it all and work out what you feel you need to do.

sending hugs
Sinead

IsThisJustFantasy

very true Sinead - people deserve to feel happy and good about themselves in a relationship. Manipulation isn't acceptable and shouldn't be happening in relationships. As Sinead spoke about @pharmagirl27 you deserve to be around people who are supportive of you and respect your choices.

You should be able to make your own decisions - it's not fair that your bf has been making these for you. It's okay to put yourself first, and that might be what you need right now.

It's normal to be unsure about what to do next. I'd say that when making a decision you should do what makes you happy. I know that's probably going to be hard, but remember your feelings matter more than a perspective that thinks they don't.