im in sm pain.

eylah

im struggling with sm rn its all to much for me to cope with idk how i can cope bc its hurting my heart and head. i am worried bc i still havent had my specialist blood test that is testing me for overaian cancer i have th3 symptoms and im scared bc im getting more and more anxious abt it. i have no support at all i am alone in all tgis im struggling sm. im 9 days sh free and its just so hard bc i dont want to ruin it. ( im safe). i keep getting abused by dad hes so aggressive and its making me so sad bc i just want to be loved and im not bc im being made out to be a failure and hes so bad. i feel like i have no purpose anymore i rly dont and im so scared bc of everything i hate my life i hate me i hate everything abt me. i am so tired of everything.

eylah

im safe.

Amy22

Im sorry to hear that you had to have tests for cancer, I can imagine that being super frightening and scary. The main thing is though the tests can be helpful because it can help to detect it early so then once its caught earlier sometimes it would become as serious later in life. It also sounds like you haven't had a great support system in place either and I hear that your dad hasn't been very helpful towards you especially as you got enough stress and you don't want more stress coming from him too. Your definitely not a failure at all because you are working so so hard right now and all you can do is your best. I wish your dad could understand the amount of pain your in right now . I hope your okay.

eylah

thankyou amy. its rly hard bc i just want a hug i want to be happy but im not bc im scared of what my dad will do next. im just scared scared of everyone and everything.

sinead276

i hope you're okay (or at least feeling a little better this evening or whenever you read this).

just wanted to say the same as Amy really - with everything you're going through i think you've been incredibly strong and brave, and we are all super proud of you

sending you a big hug

Gemma

I'm really sorry you're going through all of this right now @eylah. I can understand why you're feeling overwhelmed. I want you to know that it's incredibly brave to reach out and share what you're going through. Nine days free from self-harm is a huge achievement, especially with everything that's weighing on you. You’ve shown so much strength already, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.

It’s okay to be scared about your health - waiting for test results is incredibly hard, especially with your symptoms which can make you worry. Try to remember that whatever happens, there will be options and support for you. You don’t have to go through that part alone, even if it feels that way now. You deserve support and care, no matter what anyone else is making you feel. Your dad’s aggression is not your fault. Being treated that way doesn’t mean you’re a failure or that you’re unworthy of love.

Remember that it's okay to feel like you're struggling, but your feelings don’t make you any less worthy of love or purpose. Hold onto the progress you've made with staying safe, because that shows your strength.

You matter more than you know and we're here for you.

eylah

i fucked 9 days up yesterday but im safe and everything. everything is exhausting me causing me sm pain its exhausting living like this bc im just always in pain im just tired of it all. ( safe ).

toffuna101

sending you hugs @eylah