The role of support group moderators

TheMix · September 3

Hey everyone,

We wanted to take a moment to clarify the role of our support group moderators as we've noticed there's been a shift in how support groups are being used and the expectations of our moderators. So let's talk about what their roles are and what you can expect from our support groups here at The Mix

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Why do we have support group moderators?
When our support groups first started, they were designed as a space for everyone to hang out and chat with each other, with moderators there to ensure everyone was being respectful, following guidelines, and feeling safe. While moderators were there to support and ensure everyone felt heard, their main role wasn’t to provide direct support. Fast forward to now, things seem a bit different as there's a lot of expectation on our moderators to be there more as supporters that anything else.

This has shifted the dynamic in a couple of ways by leading to more 1-2-1 interactions rather than group discussions, when ideally, it should be everyone talking to and supporting one another. This shift also means a lot of the support comes from a moderator rather than from members sharing openly from personal experiences. Our support groups are set up to be a peer support space and we believe the most valuable and genuine support comes from you all.

Shifting back to a peer support space
We'll be shifting things slightly to help support groups return to their purpose of being a group support space, moving away from the high levels of 1-2-1 support currently provided by the moderators.

Moderators will continue to get involved in discussions when they need to, but you will see them take a bit more of a step back to give you all more opportunities to support each other.

How can you help?
To make this shift happen, we need your help!

We'd like everyone to come to chat ready to support each other and generally chat to other members of the group. A lot of you already do this, which is amazing - you're perfectly positioned to lead this change with us!

If you're unsure what to say in chat, scroll up in the chat conversation and see if you can help someone out. Maybe someone reaching out and hasn’t been heard yet so you could say hello and offer a kind word. If a newcomer joins, make them feel welcome and help them get started. Think about how you felt when you first joined chat and what helped you feel comfy reaching out for support for the first time.

Remember, you don't always need to provide in-depth support to be helpful to someone. Just letting someone know they're being heard and that someone cares can have a huge impact - you might have felt this yourself.

What if I can't support other people?
It's completely okay if you're not able to support someone else or prefer to mute people to manage any triggers you have in the sessions. The moderators will still be there to help out.

Do keep in mind the 'group' aspect of support groups. If you're looking for more direct, 1-2-1 support, you may find services such as Childline, Calm, Crisis Messenger, Samaritans or Papyrus can offer the support you're looking for.

We'll also be launching our new 1-2-1 peer support service soon which will offer another option for this support (stay tuned for further updates on this!).

In the meantime, if you are looking for a smaller group space, our Tuesday Support Circle sessions are a great option. You can find out more about them and how to sign up over on our website.

Looking forward to seeing how we can all make this space even more supportive together!

Any thoughts, questions or feedback, feel free to comment below

Aoife, Gemma, JustV & Ella

Former Member · September 4

Love this ❤️ I might make a post or two about peer support to see if I can offer up any tips for anyone, I know it can be daunting to start off with. I always worried I would upset people, say the wrong things etc. but in reality just a simple message that you're thinking of them, that you care, and they matter can be enough.

If you want to offer further support ask open ended questions to keep the conversation going like "how are you feeling after all that?" Or "Is there anything that makes you feel better when you feel like this?" Etc 😊

AnonymousToe · September 4

I dont know if it exists already but maybe there could be like a guide / advice / tips on supporting other people. I don’t think I’m very good at it at all and I’d like to know how to make more of a difference if I can.

independent_ · September 4

This has been a very sudden change and while it sounds like it might work really well in the long term, last night was strange and made me very anxious. The mods clearly wanted to say more but weren’t allowed. It’s a shame as I think both kinds of support are important

And it’s just not the same and wasn’t a gradual change like the last time this was trialled a few years ago and didn’t work.

Chloe234 · September 4

I cant lie last night felt extremely robotic. I went into support chat and it was just so dead. I didnt stay the whole time and ended up listening in circle despite needing support myself and being unwell so i dont fully know how the rest of the chat was in sc but i agree with @independent_ Last night didnt feel like the mix or an environment id personally feel comfy opening up in. I agree too much pressure was being put on the mods, especially with the fact their volunteers and giving up their time to moderate. But its also a tad concerning if chat was how it was last night then long time members are going to start to leave and then my worry is possibly maybe more mods too(?).

One message in particular made it appear massively that it was almost as if they were using templates to reply to members. I dont know if its just me but its how one message kept [name] into it which makes it look a lot like its now just templates. Would there not be a way of trying to almost meet in the middle? Where mods dont have to be robots yet also dont have to be how they were the other night where they were overloaded and how if there were messages missed the mods dont have to be almost guilted by it. Maybe where the mods can still support to an extent but still having the encouragement of peer support? and like the others had said to maybe have a guide on how to support better because if anything it feels people have wanted to support but havent known how.

independent_ · September 4

One of the reasons i struggle in my other job is because the support given is meant to be a bit robotic. This defo isn't in the spirit of chat imo as it's never ever been like that in the many, many years i have been there. I think bringing this in over time would have meant mods and users can feel more comfy with it.

Former Member · September 4

But if everyone chipped in a little the chat wouldn’t feel dead. The chat is there for us to make it good not for the mods to make it good. I really don’t want things to change back to the way they were because the mods were clearly pressured and this zaps any expectations people have from mods

Plus I’ve been to chats where people were talking to mods 1-2-1 and ignoring anything the community said bc they just wanted to talk to the mods

I don’t think they should be using template replies though and being robotic. If they need to say something specific they could reword it themselves and add personality

Changes are e difficult sometimes but I think. This can work .

Plus is no one’s supporting each other in circle it defeats the point of it being a support group where you take it in turns .

independent_ · September 4

I think that’s the thing. Mods having personality and speaking to members, rather than just being a scary presence, is one of the things that makes chat the way it is. In so many chats I’ve been in mods are terrifying, but that’s never been the case here because mods are part of the conversation. I’ve seen people only talking to mods and that’s not great, but at the same time, making mods robotic and a bit scary might discourage people. I’ve always supported in chat, I’ve always chipped in where I can and I would always speak to another user as well as a mod if they were talking to me though, and I think most do these days. After all it is a peer support group and that should always be encouraged, but keep the personalities, as so many mods are brilliant at what they do

Former Member · September 4

Yuh I hear ye but I don’t think they’re saying mods can’t speak. I guess just support less so it makes us support more if that makes sense

Right now I imagine the mods are finding their feet with the setting boundaries / taking a step back or whatever and they’ll be comfortable to add their personalities back in chat soon.

Templates and generic replies always rip away personality from messages. So templates for sure are no good.

eylah · September 4

ppl dont talk to me but mods do so i talk to mods. i support when i can but ppl dont talk to me so i talk to mods bc they reply to me.

shannonxg_ · September 4

i just feel so put off even joining, i just feel like scared now of doing/saying something wrong? everytime i’ve joined support chat i have always responded to multiple messages for everyone who’s also been in the chat but found that ive rarely gotten a response other than from mods usually, and i don’t want to specifically chat to a mod only for the time, if i wanted 1-1 support i would find that elsewhere rather than in a group but there’s been many chats ive joined where ive solely been responded to by mods.

on monday night i was a little frustrated by the fact everyone had seemed to ignore me for best part of 30 mins, i had sent a few messages about not getting responses and feeling ignored for that time, it wasn’t at all directed at the mods only, if it was i would have mentioned them by name in the message to ensure they knew it was directed at them if that was the case but it was NOT directed towards them, hence why there was no specific person / people mentioned as it was to the whole group. after that i think just 1 other person replied to me except for the mods. when mods have replied to me n i reply back, i only do because they’ve asked questions / so as im not just being rude and ignoring messages to me, not because i am looking for a 1-1 conversation.

i had joined one of the groups once, i cant even remember which one it was but there was 1 mod and a handful of others, everyone was talking as a group and responding to everyone’s message, it wasn’t 1-1 conversation with a mod within a group setting, but it was so nice to be able to talk to people who have understanding of struggling with mental health and the input from the mod too but have never felt the same about any other times ive joined? it was so helpful to hear from other people in similar situations who do understand it and maybe are facing barriers with support and that i’m not alone, as you don’t really find that is something that is talked about often i guess? like compared to helplines where they don’t actually understand what it’s like to struggle with mental health (obviously there are people who are motivated to volunteer with helplines as a result of being through it themselves) but many times i’ve been greeted by someone who has no understanding at all, for example being told by a helpline when discussing disordered eating that i should just eat because it’s not that hard, whereas with the support groups, everyone there has experienced something in relation to struggling with mental health, maybe not the same situation but they can understand better. i do apologise if this is badly explained lol, ive spent the past 2 days doing my induction at college and filling in forms etc so my head is fried😂

i do agree with the fact that the support group isn’t a place for 1-1 support with a mod, but i can also see why sometimes appear that people are having a 1-1 conversation with mods, and that is purely because there are times you can just have all your messages ignored and the only ones to reply are the mods. i think it would be helpful if there was something on here about peer support, for people who maybe struggle with that type of thing. i know i would have struggled a lot with it when i was younger, but now that a bit older and actually had the opportunity to complete a qualification in peer mentoring and volunteer with children too, my confidence has developed a lot when it comes to supporting other people.

i think all the mods are amazing, and im sure i speak for everyone when i say we are so grateful for them all for giving up time out of their day to be mods!!!

for anyone who is reading this and is looking more for 1-1 support, i cannot recommend kelly’s heroes enough, they are honestly AMAZING! everyone i have spoken to there has been so so lovely and understanding - they also have lived experience volunteers too which is always helpful to know. i haven’t been using them for that long now, but i talk to the same group of people usually, so kinda feels a bit like on here where you’ve had the mods in chat before so you like ‘know’ them type of thing? i know one thing i struggle with when it comes to helplines is confidentiality and the risk of other services being involved, kelly’s heroes cannot involve anyone without your consent, and you also need to provide them with your name and address etc, so they cannot do anything unless you let them basically which makes it easier to talk i think as you don’t have that worry of what if they tell someone!! i’ve also found that calm zone are so helpful too, and from what i gather with things ive shared with them they can only encourage you to seek help if you’re at crisis point etc, but they can’t actually involve anyone (im not 100% sure but ive told them some things and they said all they can do is encourage me to go to a&e etc) plus they have the option to use a return user code so you aren’t repeating yourself all the time!

Chloe234 · September 4

No one is purposely ignored in chat. Chat can get busy and therefor messages can be missed. If a message is missed the mods have always said that you can feel free to repeat it. Not everyone is always gonna leave support chat feeling they got the adequate support they wanted every evening but thats okay. The support group is more of a place where you can connect with the community as well as the mods in a group environment where you can reach out and try and feel more understood as well as hopefully supported.

If someone wants more extreme or a higher level of support then thats when it may be better to consider reaching out 1-1 or looking into trying to get in person support. It does however make it hard for the mods when people repetitively go on about how their messages were missed and as if it was done on purpose and then the mods have to state how chat was busy and they apoligise it was missed and to feel free to repost it but people still continue to talk about their message being missed. Yes messages are missed but it doesnt mean its on purpose or that its anything against you.

Indirect comments towards the staff team just arent needed either. If youre ever upset with something around how something may have been moderated or how the staff team may have said something you should talk to them in private message about it or fill out the feedback form rather than take it into the community.

independent_ · September 4

I think sometimes that is the case, that the only response someone will get is from a mod. Loads of reasons for that, maybe users aren’t up to supporting, maybe they’re struggling to keep up. If the mods step back then people might not even get that one response, not placing any blame here at all by the way, chat is busy and with it being a support chat people tend to be in a shitty headspace anyway. And this is why I do feel keeping an element of mod support is important.

I don’t think people are on a mission to ignore other people, they’re trying their best. This is a bit of a worry for me with this new set up, that people will feel (emphasis on feel) ignored more. Doesn’t mean they are being ignored, but they might feel that way if no one responds at all.

Rose113 · September 4

Sometimes it can be hard to even know what to say or to even put what you want to say down to support people and especially when your not in a great mindset it can all come across so wrongly and when the mods don’t speak it makes everyone feel uncomfortable. The mods aren’t my really themselves anymore.

TheMix · September 6

Thanks so much for all of your replies everyone. You've all shared some valid worries and concerns which we're listening to, and you've all been really brave to speak up and share them on this thread.

We're hearing this shift has been a really difficult one this week which is understandable. We know how helpful you find support groups and how important the space is for you all. We'd still like our moderators to provide support as they usually would and build in their personalities to their replies - we know this is just what makes our support groups special and unique from other services, and it's really nice to hear you feel this way too. Our update is more about shifting things slightly to give more opportunities to support each other as the support groups we run are designed to be a peer support space.

We wouldn't ever want chats to feel robotic and it's important you've let us know it's feeling that way. We know when reaching out for support, robotic replies can make spaces feel unsafe and harder to ask for the help you need. For a bit of context on the training that goes on behind the scenes here, our moderators always have access to training materials and it includes information about various topics which can also include example messages. Our training encourages volunteers to personalise their responses if they are looking at examples from their training as a guide. We'll keep encouraging this as much as we can and also review our training to make sure everything is feeling as natural as possible in our own replies that we've written for the training materials.

We imagine over the next few weeks, our volunteers will be feeling comfier with their moderation and finding that balance between supporting and encouraging peer support. Changes like this do take a bit of time for everyone to settle into and we'll keep working hard as a team to improve the experience in chat for you all

Why is peer support important?
What we've learned is that peer support is really powerful and we've seen so many incredible moments from you all and how much it can help someone. Often when someone joins the community, they might be feeling really alone in their struggles (you might have felt that way once before too), and being able to connect and know that there are other people going through similar experiences, can really make a huge impact on someone's life. You might also have experience of various support systems and be able to share that to help someone begin their journey of getting support. There's so much power in peer support and that's what makes our community so important

A few of you mentioned you're not sure how to support someone and that's also okay too. It can be hard knowing where to start or what to say and the worries you're having about not saying the right thing are really common - we've all felt that way too! There's been some brilliant ideas about creating threads focused on how to offer support which we're more than happy to help work on with you all. Perhaps we could even write some articles on our website too. Feel free to drop us a DM if you'd like to get involved and we can get started on some plans for this together.

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We hope our reply has been helpful, please do keep letting us know your thoughts, feedback and questions. We're here to chat anything through

Also if you'd prefer to leave feedback anonymously, you can do so through our feedback
form.

Speak soon,
Aoife, Gemma, JustV & Ella

The role of support group moderators

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