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In tears šŸ˜­

Rose113Rose113 Community Champion Posts: 2,436 Boards Champion
I am safe and not in crisis

Why the hell am I alive like seriously if Iā€™m such a failure and a disappointment. Clearly Iā€™m not human and clearly Iā€™ve failed at being; a student, a daughter, a niece, a granddaughter, a friend, a sibling, a perosn. Been screamed at so much tonight itā€™s fucking painful, in tears and feel like trash.

I went on a walk to try clear my head but ended up crying the whole time šŸ’” I just i donā€™t know why I bother anymore, why I try. This is just to much. Why canā€™t people see Iā€™m trying, why do people just see me as not human. Just want to be hugged and held endlessly and told that itā€™s okay even tho itā€™s not. This is so hard and the pain is just painful

Why am I living a shitty worthless life that wouldnā€™t even matter if I hadnā€™t of been born in. Just want this pain to end, the mental and physical pain šŸ’” canā€™t the summer holidays be over and then Iā€™ll be alone all day everyday to just endlessly sob without having to make sure I stay quiet šŸ˜”

When will this pain end, when can I live a life that I want, when can I cut my ā€œfamilyā€ off. My birth ā€œfamilyā€ was shit and this ā€œfamilyā€ is just shit :(
Want to hurt meā€¦ go ahead
Wish to bully meā€¦Iā€™m used to it
Want to talk crap about meā€¦go on then
Want to make me cryā€¦feel free

Comments

  • issieissie Moderator Posts: 62 Boards Initiate
    Hey @Rose113 ,

    I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a tough time, and I wanted to reach out to let you know that I see you and your feelings <3 You're not a failure or a disappointment; you're a human being with emotions who deserves to be treated with empathy and kindness.

    It's completely valid to feel drained when your home doesn't feel like a safe and loving environment - it can have a huge impact on your mental health. You don't deserve to be screamed at and you deserve to be hugged, held, and respected.

    I know it might feel like there's no way out right now, but I promise you, things will get better with time. It may sound like a clichƩ, but one day you'll be able to choose the people you allow into your life and distance yourself from those who don't treat you as you deserve. Please do keep us updated with how you're doing? We love hearing from you <3
  • Rose113Rose113 Community Champion Posts: 2,436 Boards Champion
    Thank you @issie i just feel so crap :(
    Want to hurt meā€¦ go ahead
    Wish to bully meā€¦Iā€™m used to it
    Want to talk crap about meā€¦go on then
    Want to make me cryā€¦feel free
  • issieissie Moderator Posts: 62 Boards Initiate
    I'm sorry to hear you still feel so crap @Rose113 <3

    Is there anything comforting you could do today to look after yourself? Personally, I always binge-watch comfort shows when I feel rubbish. My personal fave is Modern Family!
  • Rose113Rose113 Community Champion Posts: 2,436 Boards Champion
    Was just gonna stay in bed all day and cry šŸ˜¢ needed to go to primark for shorts but donā€™t feel able to ask without being screamed at :(
    Want to hurt meā€¦ go ahead
    Wish to bully meā€¦Iā€™m used to it
    Want to talk crap about meā€¦go on then
    Want to make me cryā€¦feel free
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