How am I supposed to heal

Rose113

How am I supposed to heal and move on when every time I think about her and the situation I just burst into tears 😭 this is so hard and shitty, I want the pain to go away. The whole situation has made me feel disgusting and I just hate myself. Never been hurt this badly before. I’m just a wreck 💔

I want me back, I feel more defensive and horrible and scared of everyone after the incident, I don’t know what to do anymore 💔 my heart is just broken

I thought the tears would have stopped flowing by now since all I’ve done is cry everyday since 12th August 2 times a day for hours but it’s not getting any easier. It just hurts 😭

I’m hurting so badly right now I want to scream into my pillow. I managed to fall asleep but then I woke up from a dream about her and now the tears are uncontrollably flowing 😭

I don’t trust anyone anymore, I’m scared of everyone, I just feel the need to drive everyone away so then if they leave and hurt me then they have a reason. I don’t feel in control 💔💔

Gemma

Hey @Rose113, I'm so sorry you're going through this. It sounds like you're in an incredible amount of pain, and I want you to know that your feelings are completely valid. When we're hurt deeply, especially by someone we care about, it can be so painful. You're not alone in feeling like this, and it’s okay to not be okay right now. Would you feel comfy sharing with us more context around this incident that's causing you pain?

Crying is a natural way for your body to release some of that overwhelming emotion, so let yourself cry when you need to. It’s part of the process, even though it feels unbearable. Sometimes our emotions can be so intense that they might make it seem like the pain will never end, but healing isn’t linear. Some days will be harder than others, and that’s okay. It’s okay to feel broken, to not have all the answers, and to just take things moment by moment. Is there anyone you trust enough to talk to about this, even if it feels hard to open up?

It's so important to be gentle with yourself. Trusting people again after being hurt takes time, and that’s perfectly normal. It doesn’t mean you’ll always feel this way, though it might seem like it right now. One small step that might help is to try grounding yourself when the emotions feel overwhelming. That could be as simple as taking deep breaths, focusing on something around you that you can see or touch, or even just reminding yourself that it’s okay to take things one day, one moment at a time.

What do you think you need right now to feel even just a little bit better?

Rose113

Hi @Gemma

I’m not sure if I would be able to as it may break guidelines but also at the same time I’m not sure if it would be okay to talk about as well.

Crying just feels even more painful, even the slight thought of the situation I start feeling like I want to cry. I just feel so lost and confused about it all, I want to move on but I’m finding it so so hard

I’ve been talking to my friend about it and they’ve been supporting me but I don’t want to dump it all on them over and over

I’ve just been feeling the need to punish myself but also I somehow find away through the self harm urges. Trying to distract myself but it’s so hard since I zone out and think about it all, all over again

EmLiz

hey @Rose113 I just wanted to echo everything Gemma said. We're here for you and please keep reaching out when you feel in pain and need somewhere to turn

I'm also glad you feel able to talk to your friend about the situation. It helps to have someone in your life to turn to and who can be there for you. I know you said you weren't too sure you could or even wanted to talk more about the incident, but I thought I would share some other places you can go to for support just in case if they would be helpful (now or in the future) or just if you needed someone else to talk to in more detail

Crisis Messenger (24/7) | text THEMIX to 85258
Samartians (24/7) | call 116 123 | email jo@samaritans.org
Childline | call 0800 11 11

But we're always here as well so always feel like you can reach out here for some love and support