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Is it to late for me to make friends?
JMMV2005
Posts: 51 Boards Initiate
19M here, never really learned how to connect with people and am feeling isolated from not having any friends because of it, I want to try different things to change this but worried it’s to late or theres no opportunities for me
3
Comments
It is never too late to connect with people and make new friends. Making friends can be done in lots of ways for example through clubs (like arts and crafts, sport, gaming, reading club etc) or through a job, online through apps, volunteer work and more!
It can feel scary sometimes trying to find the confidence to connect with people however you can so do it.
Friendships can take time to develop but it is never too late. Keep showing up, be consistent and over time you will definitely build deeper connections.
You have got this.
I just worry because everyone has their groups they met from school and I didn’t find my group so I’m gonna struggle because no one is interested since they have friends, and I just worry my best opportunity to make friends was in school but I missed out on that
Making friends is difficult at this age but I guess the best I can do is keep trying things and just hope it works out but I’m pretty worried what will happen to me mentally if things don’t work out.
It can be really difficult making friends, but you've definitely not missed your 'best' opportunity. School isn't for everyone (myself included!) so you're not alone in that regard.
Like you've said all you can do is keep trying and the right people will come with time!
Are you in college or university? Societies can be a pretty good way to meet people with common interests.
There's also a friends option I think on the Bumble app that might be of interest to you?
I've also personally found this website quite useful for navigating various social scenarios. They have some articles on making conversation and making friends:
https://succeedsocially.com/
Let us know how you get on
And about Bumble, I’d prefer to use irl resources to make friends as I feel it’ll be better but I guess maybe I should try, although I’d be quite nervous doing that.
Thanks for reaching out!
As the others have said, it is never too late to make friends! People make new friends throughout their lives. You have been given some great advice too.
You said you are in work, do you think you could make friends with the people you work or interact with at your workplace?
You are also doing a carpentry course, do you think you could get in contact with the other people on the course and see if you would like to get to know them better?
Places like Bumble are great for making friends too. It is a great way to learn how to connect with people and feel less isolated, this can help in real life too. Although, I understand being nervous about it, it can be intimidating and difficult to navigate.
I wish you the best of luck with everything! Please keep us updated on everything.
Best wishes,
Fiona ◡̈
Thankfully, school isn't the only golden season for friendships. Don't worry, you haven't missed the boat! Why is it that school is a place where a lot of friendships are forged? = Time spent together (hour upon hour), shared experiences (lessons, school trips, lunch-times etc) and familiarity. Take these ingredients, mix them together, and friendships are created. Another one is shared interests. So how do we find that now school is over?
I think that finding friendship doesn't have to be hard- It does require effort but you can find it in a way that is enjoyable. As an introvert, I find it difficult to make friends in large, busy spaces but give me one friend in a quiet setting and I'm happy. It may sometimes require an element of stepping out of the comfort zone, but making friendships shouldn't be a process of torture- It's meant to be one of life's joys!
I'd suggest removing the pressure of "I have to try things to make friends" and instead think, "What would I enjoy putting my time and energy into?" Maybe that's a swim class, or a drawing group, or even creating your own group! My friend just set up a social media group for making new friends in her city to see where that could go. Believe me, there are plenty of young people looking for friends- we all need each other
Keep showing up, and you'll eventually find your keepers.
"Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver, the other is gold."
Good luck
Fortunately I have found a group to help with social skills that starts soon, and other people in a similar situation will be going, so hopefully I can make some friends there and even if not I’ll learn skills to help make friends
The trouble is my hobbies are very “Indoors-ish” like reading and drawing, but if I’m lucky maybe I can find some groups that do these things
Don't be discouraged by having "indoor-ish hobbies", those are actually excellent hobbies for friendships! When I studied English Literature, my teacher said "Reading books is great isn't it? It gives you something to talk about!"
Reading and drawing are actually two of my main hobbies. Here's how they've helped my friendships: reading- lending books to friends, borrowing their books, asking them for book recommendations (and reading them and telling them later whether I enjoyed it), shopping in Waterstones together (browsing/ window shopping or actually buying), asking them what they're reading at the moment.
Drawing: making artwork for friends (I draw for them/ paint), visiting art galleries together (works really well if you like taking day-trips e.g. a trip to Oxford to the Ashmolean Museum), going to art-history events at the local art gallery, and arty travel (e.g. looking at the Leeds Street Art Trail).
Your hobbies make for great conversation (and will make you interesting to others). They can open up doors for doing things together- making good memories. I think at the core of it, shared interests aside, people just want to be noticed, loved, and valued. The best way to start is with a warm smile.
I tried to post a link to an Oxford tour for you, but because my account has just been remade, I can't post links yet. Google this and you'll find it: Oxford: C.S. Lewis & J.R.R. Tolkien Guided Walking Tour
I hope you enjoy all of Tolkiens writings- sounds like great stuff! I wish I could spend days reading his books too.
Just wondering but have you read Tolkiens writings?, like theres no pressure to I’m just curious
Yes! Years ago. When I was a teenager I read all the LOTR and the Hobbit. I was a book hoover back then! Sadly these days, I don't get to read fiction like I used to, just because my studying puts a lot of academic reading demands on my time
I don’t really know how I’d start a club though, especially being in a small town
When you said “Start club” for some reason I thought you meant creating your own club not joining one 🤣