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sexual harassment.

eylaheylah Posts: 5,247 Part of The Furniture
in Health & Wellbeing
i have a friend who keeps making sexual advances to me i told him im not comfortable bc of my recent trauma from my ex. he said he gets it but still feels its ok to touch me which i dont want and he keeps wanting sex shich i dont want bc of my experience with my ex. i have told him i am dealing with mum in hospital my ex domestic so i am not comfortable with this and not happy with how he treating me. he doesnt seem to understand and its making me feel so uncomfortable and sh!t abt myself and my body. i feel so disgusting and shit :/. i have sm going on rn i dont need this rn :(. i feel so gross bc hes my friend and i don’t want him touching me etc. :(. i feel so gross sry for my rant :(. need to offload and get it of chest. i am trying to remove him from my life but cant its so hard :(.
keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍

Comments

  • eylaheylah Posts: 5,247 Part of The Furniture
    having flashbacks bc of this its awful everything is going wrong i wish my life wasnt so miserable and chaotic. :( not been able to sleep tonight bc of it but will try in min bc im very tired :(. so miserable
    keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍
  • issieissie Moderator Posts: 63 Boards Initiate
    Hey @eylah ,

    Thank you so much for reaching out with this ❤️

    I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this. It sounds incredibly overwhelming, especially with everything else you are navigating right now. It's very clear that you're not okay with your friend's behaviour, and that's completely valid. It is not okay for your friend to continue to make sexual advances on you without your consent, especially as you have specifically outlined that you are not comfortable with it. I'm so sorry this is happening while you're coping with recent trauma from your ex too.

    First and foremost, your feelings and boundaries around your body and sex are the most important, and no one has the right to disregard them. If someone, even a friend, isn’t respecting those boundaries, it’s okay to feel upset, uncomfortable, and angry. You deserve to feel safe and supported, not pressured or violated. It's also not your fault that he's not respecting your space or listening to what you've repeatedly told him. You've been very clear and transparent about your boundaries, expressing exactly what you're comfortable with and where you draw the line. Despite this, he continues to disregard those boundaries, which is entirely on him.

    If you feel unsafe or like he's not going to stop, it might be time to distance yourself from him, even if it feels difficult. You deserve friends who respect you and your boundaries and It’s okay to prioritise your well-being and mental health. Do you have somebody you can reach out to and talk to? It might be helpful to get some guidance and support with navigating this.

    Please keep us updated with how everything goes. The community will always be here to support you. 💛
  • eylaheylah Posts: 5,247 Part of The Furniture
    Issie_11 wrote: »
    Hey @eylah ,

    Thank you so much for reaching out with this ❤️

    I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this. It sounds incredibly overwhelming, especially with everything else you are navigating right now. It's very clear that you're not okay with your friend's behaviour, and that's completely valid. It is not okay for your friend to continue to make sexual advances on you without your consent, especially as you have specifically outlined that you are not comfortable with it. I'm so sorry this is happening while you're coping with recent trauma from your ex too.

    First and foremost, your feelings and boundaries around your body and sex are the most important, and no one has the right to disregard them. If someone, even a friend, isn’t respecting those boundaries, it’s okay to feel upset, uncomfortable, and angry. You deserve to feel safe and supported, not pressured or violated. It's also not your fault that he's not respecting your space or listening to what you've repeatedly told him. You've been very clear and transparent about your boundaries, expressing exactly what you're comfortable with and where you draw the line. Despite this, he continues to disregard those boundaries, which is entirely on him.

    If you feel unsafe or like he's not going to stop, it might be time to distance yourself from him, even if it feels difficult. You deserve friends who respect you and your boundaries and It’s okay to prioritise your well-being and mental health. Do you have somebody you can reach out to and talk to? It might be helpful to get some guidance and support with navigating this.

    Please keep us updated with how everything goes. The community will always be here to support you. 💛

    i dont have anyone i can reach out to abt this :(. my dad wont listen so im alone in this thank you <3
    keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍
  • eylaheylah Posts: 5,247 Part of The Furniture
    i hate losing friends but bc of my ex trauma idk why he is doing this to me especially when lnows abt my ex :(. idek why i just get trauma after trauma its actually causing me distress. ive never been touched sexually inappropriately or sexually harassed so idk how to deal with this. it’s exhausting:(.
    keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍
  • eylaheylah Posts: 5,247 Part of The Furniture
    edited August 17
    had huge flashbacks and my 1 month is ruined of sh. :( police took me to hospital im safe.
    keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍
  • AoifeAoife Community Manager Posts: 3,228 Boards Guru
    I'm so sorry to hear how challenging the flashbacks have been @eylah. It sounds so incredibly difficult and frightening to experience. It's good to hear you managed to get some support from the police and hospital last night, thank you for letting us know you're safe. How did you find their support and how are you feeling today?

    If you are feeling unsafe at all or worried about your self-harm, remember these services I've listed below are here for you to reach out to:
    * Local urgent mental health helpline | Open 24/7 | Find details about your local service here.
    *Crisis Messenger (24/7) | text THEMIX to 85258
    *Samaritans (24/7) | call 116 123 | email jo@samaritans.org
    *Papyrus (2pm-midnight) | call 0800 068 41 41 | text 07786 209 697 | email pat@payrus-uk.org

    It's understandable to hear how tough that is feeling with your friend who isn't being understanding of the trauma you've experienced. No one should ever make you feel this way and should always be respectful of the boundaries you're wanting to put in place. You mentioned that you're wanting to remove him from your life but it's feeling really hard to do this, can you tell us more about how this is feeling for you?

    I'm also wondering what helps you when you're struggling with these flashbacks? Perhaps we can explore that a bit more so you've got some tips to help you next time that happens.

    I found some great resources online you may like to look into with lots of tips:
    Mind's guide to managing flashbacks - https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd-and-complex-ptsd/self-care/

    Worksheet with ideas on coping with flashbacks - https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/docs/CopingwithFlashbacks.pdf

    Have a read through these and let me know which techniques you'd like to try <3
    Maybe somethings don't get better, but we do. We get stronger. We learn to live with our situations as messy and ugly as they are. We fix what we can and we adapt to what we can't. Maybe some of us will never fully be okay, but at least we're here. We're still trying. We're doing the best we can. That's worth celebrating too ❤
  • eylaheylah Posts: 5,247 Part of The Furniture
    thank you im needing to go bck to get my dressings changed at 5pm today. not slept so rly in bad mood but will have a look at the links ty aoife <3
    keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍
  • eylaheylah Posts: 5,247 Part of The Furniture
    edited August 18
    i want to remove him bc i dont appreciate him touching me when i say no but i dont want him harassing me bc hes behaved like this before. and i need to do what best for me and removing him will do my life better.
    keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍
  • Former MemberFormer Member Moderator Posts: 197 Trailblazer
    Hey @eylah !
    It's very brave of you to share your feelings with us and I'm sorry you got no sleep today - feel free to keep us posted about how you're doing :)

    It's good that you're putting your boundaries first and considering ending the friendship. I understand you might be scared of his negative reaction. If you don't mind sharing, what do you mean by 'harassing'? Has he repeated this type of behaviour with you or someone else before?

    Is there any trusted adult or authority you would feel comfortable reporting him to, if so?

    Losing a friendship this way must be very harrowing, but your safety and comfort are most important and you deserve to have friends that value that as well <3
    Are there any specific resources that you think might help you at this specific point in time?

  • eylaheylah Posts: 5,247 Part of The Furniture
    edited August 19
    genderless_fungi wrote: »
    Hey @eylah !
    It's very brave of you to share your feelings with us and I'm sorry you got no sleep today - feel free to keep us posted about how you're doing :)

    It's good that you're putting your boundaries first and considering ending the friendship. I understand you might be scared of his negative reaction. If you don't mind sharing, what do you mean by 'harassing'? Has he repeated this type of behaviour with you or someone else before?

    Is there any trusted adult or authority you would feel comfortable reporting him to, if so?

    Losing a friendship this way must be very harrowing, but your safety and comfort are most important and you deserve to have friends that value that as well <3
    Are there any specific resources that you think might help you at this specific point in time?

    hi sry for not responding sooner i fell asleep as havent slept in a while. he has done this before but never touched me inappropriately before just the usual stuff wanting pictures which didnt send as no t into that he always comments sexually on my body its actually making me feel sick. im just gonna block him but keep msgs so if i get any more msgs from him like before on different accs on the platform we use then ill probably report him. ty for replying <3. but now when i see him he touches me inappropriately so i dont want thst in my life.
    keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍
  • sinead276sinead276 Posts: 1,710 Extreme Poster
    I hope you're okay @eylah - i can't even imagine how you feel, with this and everything else you're navigating as well at the moment

    just wanted to echo what the others have said - your mental health, your boundaries and you feeling safe and comfortable should always come first

    i know how hard it can be to lose friends, but like the others have said, you deserve people around you who you feel safe with and that you can relax around without almost worrying what they may say or do. remember to put yourself first and know that your personal boundaries matter - they aren't for anyone else to debate or negotiate.

    sending you hugs and remember we are all always here for you
    Sinead <3
  • eylaheylah Posts: 5,247 Part of The Furniture
    sinead276 wrote: »
    I hope you're okay @eylah - i can't even imagine how you feel, with this and everything else you're navigating as well at the moment

    just wanted to echo what the others have said - your mental health, your boundaries and you feeling safe and comfortable should always come first

    i know how hard it can be to lose friends, but like the others have said, you deserve people around you who you feel safe with and that you can relax around without almost worrying what they may say or do. remember to put yourself first and know that your personal boundaries matter - they aren't for anyone else to debate or negotiate.

    sending you hugs and remember we are all always here for you
    Sinead <3

    thank you <3.
    keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍
  • jayne26jayne26 Moderator Posts: 47 Boards Initiate
    Hi @eylah

    Thank you for sharing this difficult experience, you've done really well so far dealing with everything. I hope you know that we are all here for you during this, and it's fantastic to hear that you're sticking to your boundaries <3
  • eylaheylah Posts: 5,247 Part of The Furniture
    thank you @jayne26 <3. im trying to gdt guts to block him.
    keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍
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