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Overthinking (long thread)
TheNightmare
Posts: 2,280 Boards Champion
I've been overthinking this missed job opportunity with a warehouse company because I was unprepared during a call with my work coach. I got the call during one of my appointments, near the end of my time with her. I handled the call poorly because it was an on-the-spot situation that put me under pressure. I was unenthusiastic and said I'd call them back because they asked if I wanted to come in the next day. Due to my hesitation and how I handled it, I lost the chance. My former work coach got frustrated with me because she had helped me find that company. She told me that I couldn't complain about not getting anything due to how I handled that call. At the time, I felt like I was being told off, and I felt like crying. It was over a month ago, maybe even two, but I have been really overthinking it.
Since then, I've had a few more job opportunities and missed calls, but I try to make sure I call back as soon as possible if I miss a call. I just received a call a few minutes ago, which made me think more about that missed job opportunity. Additionally, during my last appointment with the same work coach before she left, I found out that I had been put on the wrong program for finding work. I got frustrated, not at her, but at the person who put me on this program. I had been on it since November and felt like I had wasted over a year of my life on something that wasn’t going to get me anywhere. She misunderstood my frustration, thinking I was upset with the program itself, but I clarified that my frustration was directed at the person who put me on the wrong program.
In the end, the issue with the wrong program was sorted out, and I apologized to my work coach for getting heated during the appointment. I also apologized via text, expressing my regret if I had been a frustrating client and wished her good luck in her new job. She thanked me both times I messaged her, the day after the appointment and again on her last day. In one of the texts, I apologized for getting heated and in both messages, I wished her well in her new role. She responded by thanking me for my kind words, saying she appreciated them, and understood my frustration. Despite this, I can't stop worrying that she might have left thinking of me as a bad person, and I keep overthinking those two situations.
I remembered the phone call today, along with her getting frustrated at me for not being able to complain about not finding work, and then getting frustrated during her last day. It’s been playing on my mind. I liked that work coach too, and I find her attractive, which I think is why it’s playing on my mind even more. My last face-to-face appointment with her was marked by my frustration, even though it wasn't directed at her or anyone on the program. I just feel like she sees me as a bad person. I believe I'm a good person, but this job search has been extremely stressful. I initially thought I had wasted a significant amount of time on the wrong program, but now I think I'm getting the support I need to find work.
I keep overthinking it, worrying that the situation could have been worse—I could have gotten more frustrated and angry. Luckily, I only got a bit frustrated and apologized before leaving. Even though I apologized and we ended on kind, closing messages, I still worry. Sometimes I wish I could have one more appointment to try to make her realize I'm not a bad person, but that's not possible. I also sometimes wish I could bump into her somewhere, and if it were the right time, I'd try to make her realize then that I'm not a bad person.
I also wouldn't have minded a more informal relationship with her during the appointments, instead of everything being too serious. She seemed like the type of person you could have a little laugh or general chat with. I saw her laugh with another client, and I think that type of relationship would have made the appointments more relaxed. I used to look forward to appointments sometimes because I liked her, and I probably would have enjoyed them even more with a more informal relationship. However, that might have made it harder for me to come to terms with her leaving. I just feel like I left things on a bad note, even after our positive closing messages. I feel like they were just words.
She left a month ago now, yet I'm still overthinking how she thinks of me. It's probably because I liked her. It doesn't really matter now—she's no longer my work coach, I probably won't ever see her again, and nothing will ever happen between us. Still, I think about it. I also think it's because I don't like people holding grudges, not liking me, or being frustrated with me. I really don't like it when people get frustrated or upset with me. I've experienced it quite a lot, and I want to prevent it in general. I can get upset when anyone says anything negative about me, especially recently. It's been getting to me when anyone says something negative, and I think it still would, depending on the topic. Like if someone criticises something I do or done, if someone laughs at me, doubts me, is rude to me etc it can put me down.
Since then, I've had a few more job opportunities and missed calls, but I try to make sure I call back as soon as possible if I miss a call. I just received a call a few minutes ago, which made me think more about that missed job opportunity. Additionally, during my last appointment with the same work coach before she left, I found out that I had been put on the wrong program for finding work. I got frustrated, not at her, but at the person who put me on this program. I had been on it since November and felt like I had wasted over a year of my life on something that wasn’t going to get me anywhere. She misunderstood my frustration, thinking I was upset with the program itself, but I clarified that my frustration was directed at the person who put me on the wrong program.
In the end, the issue with the wrong program was sorted out, and I apologized to my work coach for getting heated during the appointment. I also apologized via text, expressing my regret if I had been a frustrating client and wished her good luck in her new job. She thanked me both times I messaged her, the day after the appointment and again on her last day. In one of the texts, I apologized for getting heated and in both messages, I wished her well in her new role. She responded by thanking me for my kind words, saying she appreciated them, and understood my frustration. Despite this, I can't stop worrying that she might have left thinking of me as a bad person, and I keep overthinking those two situations.
I remembered the phone call today, along with her getting frustrated at me for not being able to complain about not finding work, and then getting frustrated during her last day. It’s been playing on my mind. I liked that work coach too, and I find her attractive, which I think is why it’s playing on my mind even more. My last face-to-face appointment with her was marked by my frustration, even though it wasn't directed at her or anyone on the program. I just feel like she sees me as a bad person. I believe I'm a good person, but this job search has been extremely stressful. I initially thought I had wasted a significant amount of time on the wrong program, but now I think I'm getting the support I need to find work.
I keep overthinking it, worrying that the situation could have been worse—I could have gotten more frustrated and angry. Luckily, I only got a bit frustrated and apologized before leaving. Even though I apologized and we ended on kind, closing messages, I still worry. Sometimes I wish I could have one more appointment to try to make her realize I'm not a bad person, but that's not possible. I also sometimes wish I could bump into her somewhere, and if it were the right time, I'd try to make her realize then that I'm not a bad person.
I also wouldn't have minded a more informal relationship with her during the appointments, instead of everything being too serious. She seemed like the type of person you could have a little laugh or general chat with. I saw her laugh with another client, and I think that type of relationship would have made the appointments more relaxed. I used to look forward to appointments sometimes because I liked her, and I probably would have enjoyed them even more with a more informal relationship. However, that might have made it harder for me to come to terms with her leaving. I just feel like I left things on a bad note, even after our positive closing messages. I feel like they were just words.
She left a month ago now, yet I'm still overthinking how she thinks of me. It's probably because I liked her. It doesn't really matter now—she's no longer my work coach, I probably won't ever see her again, and nothing will ever happen between us. Still, I think about it. I also think it's because I don't like people holding grudges, not liking me, or being frustrated with me. I really don't like it when people get frustrated or upset with me. I've experienced it quite a lot, and I want to prevent it in general. I can get upset when anyone says anything negative about me, especially recently. It's been getting to me when anyone says something negative, and I think it still would, depending on the topic. Like if someone criticises something I do or done, if someone laughs at me, doubts me, is rude to me etc it can put me down.
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Comments
Sounds like that phone call has been weighing on your mind for quite some time
It's completely understandable that unexpected calls would put you on the spot, I always think the unexpected calls to job interviews are the worst part of the whole process. It takes some practice to be able to handle those calls well and it was not okay for your work coach speak to you in that way.
Plus on top of that pressure, they enrolled you in the wrong programme? That's a lot to handle all at once, I can understand why you got frustrated. To them it might seem like just a small clerical error, but I know when you're looking for work, these things can feel so overwhelming to have to deal with.
It's great that despite your frustration you managed to apologise to her but I'm sorry to hear that you didn't think her response was genuine. I'm wondering if anything happened to make you think that she didn't accept your apology?
I've linked a wee article about resilience here as I think it could be helpful for you. Resilience is so important, especially when you're looking for work, getting a job is so incredibly difficult nowadays so I just wanted to say how proud I am that you haven't given up.
@Matthew_04
Thanks so much for your reply. It really means a lot to me. Regarding your question, I do think there might have been another program that would have been more suitable for my situation. It’s frustrating when you feel like you’re not being matched to the right opportunities, especially when you’re already under a lot of pressure to find work. As for why I felt the work coach didn’t genuinely accept my apology, I think it’s because I could sense her frustration during the conversation. I got a bit heated and let my emotions get the best of me, which wasn’t really appropriate. Her tone seemed a bit cold afterward, so I wasn’t sure if she fully accepted it. Thanks again for your reply.