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I hate that I'm like this
Past User
Posts: 0 Community Veteran
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It sounds like the weekend was especially tough seeing your friends and feeling like you should be feeling the same way they do, and your dad making you feel like he doesn't care. Being around friends and feeling out of sync with them can feel really isolating, like no one truly understands or knows what you're going through. That's especially hard when you're struggling too
I can also hear how much your family are letting you down and how it feels like you're unwanted and a disappointment. From your message, I could really hear how much you needed that support from your dad over the weekend and someone to ask if you were okay. A question like that can make all the difference or even a hug like you're missing from him at the moment. I'm wondering how things are with your sisters? Would you feel comfy opening up to them about how you're feeling and the support that you'd find helpful from your dad?
Your stepmom sounds like she was a really special person in your life and it's completely understandable to hear how hard it's been over the last couple years. It's also okay to be finding it hard, it's not so simple as moving on when we loose someone we care about but it will feel easier as time goes on. I'm wondering if you've heard of growing around grief? It's often talked about in support spaces when we're struggling with the loss of someone and a helpful reminder that it's okay to have days where the grief still feels heavy and days where it's a bit easier. The grief we feel for the person we've lost will stay the same size, but we grow around it as time goes by. I've popped some info below from Cruse's website below that talks this through in more detail, and there's also a nice diagram too that helps explain it a bit better than I did
There is a mention of someone's experience of loss so be sure to read when you're feeling okay to do so.
You mentioned your stepmom helped you with your mental health, she sounds like she was such an important source of support for you Chloe. Do you feel comfy sharing more about the things she did to help you? What do you think she would say to you now to help you keep fighting through these tough days?
Keep reaching out whenever you need to Chloe. The professional services are letting so many people down, but that doesn't mean you're any less deserving of support. You're very cared about here and we're all really proud of you.
I understand that things are really difficult for you at the moment, particularly the lack of support from your family. It's really hard when you feel expected to be acting a certain way around friends and family, but you don't physically have the energy to. I'm wondering how you're feeling now?
I also hear you're feeling a bit trapped - both physically and mentally. It sounds like a tough place to be and can be difficult to shake. I know you mentioned being unable to leave the house at the moment but wanted to ask if there are any activities / hobbies you like to do from home that might help distract you in these moments or any coping strategies you turn to when you feel like this?
We're always here for you when you need to talk and when you need somewhere to turn to for support
It sounds like your thoughts were really intrusive yesterday and you had a difficult night, how are you feeling today?
It's understandable to hear some of your distractions and coping mechanisms are hard to do at the moment. When you're going through so much it's really hard to find the motivation to do those things. I'm glad you're able to go out for surf today though, I remember you saying it helps you when you're able to go out on the water. Is that something you're able to do each week?
I'm so sorry to hear that Chloe, no one should ever be told they were attention seeking after trying to take their own life. You deserve so much support and understanding for what you're going through especially from your family.
Listening can make a world of difference especially when we're feeling alone. That's really lovely you had that with her and she understood what you were going through as well.
You mentioned in your first post the professionals promised you support that they never gave you. I'm wondering if you felt comfy sharing a bit more about what happened here?
I also just wanted to reassure you that you're not a waste of space at all and always deserving of support. We care about you lots here Chloe.
Keep going and keep reaching out whenever you need to
@Chloe234 this is a big feeling to carry with you everyday - how are you doing over there today? Sending hugs to you, I am so proud of you for making it through yesterday - it sounds like a really time you're having.
If you feel comfy, can you let us know what type of urges you're experiencing at the moment? I know it's not an easy question to answer when you're feeling unsure, but do you feel able to keep yourself safe?
We are here for you and you are not alone. Keep letting us know how you are doing
1) speaking up about the SA is a really brave thing to do, and absolutely the right thing to do. You should never ever be made to feel bad for that.
2) it’s not your fault if your mum attempted. You haven’t done anything wrong - you’re allowed to cut contact and it sounds like you had good reason to. And anyway you’re her child, it’s not your responsibility to make sure she’s ok.
3) it’s not your fault that you were born. Your parents made that decision and any health problems you had as a baby are absolutely not your fault.
4) if your dad really hates you for that reason, then he’s incredibly immature. That’s not right. Just because your birth changed things doesn’t mean you ‘ruined’ anything. Literally all you did was exist!
It’s so important to remember that none of this is your fault- I know this might feel difficult or even frustrating to hear when it feels so real for you. These are incredibly difficult experiences, and no one deserves to go through them. You didn’t ask for any of this pain, and it’s not your responsibility to carry it alone.
It sounds like you're going through a lot right now - is there anything you think might help you like coping strategies?