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Trigger Warning - mentions of past suicide attempts - Hi. I need help.
kawtharjoudi12
Posts: 7 Confirmed not a robot
Trigger Warning - mentions of past suicide attempts
My name is kawthar. 20 . My birthday is in 2 month on one of the meetings I was they spoke about the mix community so I decided to give it a shot . I have ADHD autism Bipolar and BPD. I've been in and out of hospital for my mental health issues and other stuff a lot happened this month aside from my bff moving to Libya and not coming back . I want to break this circle of nightmares but I can't. NHS24 my mental health team duty crisis keep saying you can Kawthar . Idk how to break the circle . My life is beginning to get a bit better but I can't break this circle of ending up in hospital. Joanna a lady from my autism group she removed me from a group today I won't be joining anymore it doesn't matter anymore. My hobbies or distraction techniques are : reading , colouring , listening to music , watching movies especially horror movies, writing my stories and poems , doing Art which helps , doing my assignments, cleaning my room , crying , speaking to my other bffs fatima and other bffs , talking to NHS24 sometimes helps when they don't call police or ambulance on me . Did u guys know this month I ended up in hospital nearly 5 times and tried to k************ like let's say over 100 times. Trigger alert plz help me and send me stuff that would help me idk if anyone would see this. I don't always use the community of the mix all the time I get scared of what people would say to me . I swear all the time but not on phone . I'm mad rn . A couple good things that happened to me this month is 1. I finally am getting a social worker . 2 . Started going back to yoga and pilates and my physio said it makes me feel better sometimes. 3. My distraction techniques are kinda making me feel better . 4. Haven't been in A&E for 4 days. And 5. My dangerous distraction techniques have been helping 199% now . I just need help . Idk what help I need . Also my medication is starting kinda making me feel better. Last thing . Idk if should do this I have 3 businesses and 2 on Facebook and 1 on WhatsApp idk what to do . Yeah that's all from me now sorry this is long .
My name is kawthar. 20 . My birthday is in 2 month on one of the meetings I was they spoke about the mix community so I decided to give it a shot . I have ADHD autism Bipolar and BPD. I've been in and out of hospital for my mental health issues and other stuff a lot happened this month aside from my bff moving to Libya and not coming back . I want to break this circle of nightmares but I can't. NHS24 my mental health team duty crisis keep saying you can Kawthar . Idk how to break the circle . My life is beginning to get a bit better but I can't break this circle of ending up in hospital. Joanna a lady from my autism group she removed me from a group today I won't be joining anymore it doesn't matter anymore. My hobbies or distraction techniques are : reading , colouring , listening to music , watching movies especially horror movies, writing my stories and poems , doing Art which helps , doing my assignments, cleaning my room , crying , speaking to my other bffs fatima and other bffs , talking to NHS24 sometimes helps when they don't call police or ambulance on me . Did u guys know this month I ended up in hospital nearly 5 times and tried to k************ like let's say over 100 times. Trigger alert plz help me and send me stuff that would help me idk if anyone would see this. I don't always use the community of the mix all the time I get scared of what people would say to me . I swear all the time but not on phone . I'm mad rn . A couple good things that happened to me this month is 1. I finally am getting a social worker . 2 . Started going back to yoga and pilates and my physio said it makes me feel better sometimes. 3. My distraction techniques are kinda making me feel better . 4. Haven't been in A&E for 4 days. And 5. My dangerous distraction techniques have been helping 199% now . I just need help . Idk what help I need . Also my medication is starting kinda making me feel better. Last thing . Idk if should do this I have 3 businesses and 2 on Facebook and 1 on WhatsApp idk what to do . Yeah that's all from me now sorry this is long .
Post edited by Gemma on
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Comments
It’s understandable that what's happened this month, including your best friend moving away and being removed from your autism group, have added to your distress. Changes like these can be incredibly tough to process, especially when you already have so much on your mind. It’s okay to feel hurt and upset about these things. It sounds like you’re doing your best to manage with your distraction techniques and hobbies, which is a positive step. Finding activities that help even a little bit is important, and it’s great to hear that things like reading, colouring, and doing art provide some relief for you.
I’m glad to hear that you’re starting to see some improvements, like getting a social worker and returning to yoga and Pilates. These are significant steps, and I hope they continue to bring some positive changes to your life. It’s also encouraging that your medication is beginning to make a difference - it sounds to me like you're doing really well.
Breaking the cycle of ending up in the hospital is a tough old journey, but it’s clear that you’re already making progress, even if it doesn’t always feel like it. Four days without A&E is a big accomplishment. Every small step forward is a victory and you should be very proud of yourself.
We'd encourage you to keep reaching out to your mental health team and social worker about what you're going through. They might be able to offer more consistent support or help you develop a plan to manage your crises. I understand that fear of judgment in community spaces, but please remember our spaces exist to support people just like you. Your experiences and feelings are valid and worth sharing, and you deserve to be heard and supported without fear. We're here for you.
Can you tell us more about what specific support you think might help you right now? Are there particular times or triggers that lead to these crises, and if so, have you found any of your self-care or distraction techniques effective in those moments?
We’re here for you, Kawthar. Please keep reaching out and sharing. You’re not alone in this.
If you're ever struggling to keep yourself safe, there are lots of lovely services that you can reach out to like these below:
Do you think that taking some time to write down your thoughts and how you're feeling leading up to your appointment with your CPN might be helpful?
Something you could do is share this post on the discussion boards to help them understand how you're feeling or writing something out ahead of the appointment on a bit of paper or notes app in your phone. There's also an app called DocReady that helps people prepare for mental health appointments that you might find helpful too - https://www.docready.org/
Keep us updated with how the appointment goes and remember to reach out to those crisis services I shared above if you're struggling.
I also just wanted to let you know that I've removed the phone number you shared in your post to protect your privacy. This is in keeping with our community guidelines.
thanks