Feeling judged and singled out

Creativeboy23

Hello.

I have been feeling judged and singled out. I have been battling with these feelings for a while. My mind was telling me that my support worker at my supported accommodation was telling me what I did not do and should do next time when I was doing activities. I was feeling like I was being told I always or never do something, even though they are thoughts. They reinforced where I have felt singled out at organisations in the past. These thoughts have been making me feel I do not belong in the organisation. However, I am aware that this is my brain lying to me. It is for people with disabilities, and I have done very well to develop independent living skills such as budgeting and cooking. My cleanliness is great. It has been great to have my independence. Then, I remembered when my dad said things to me and criticised my sensitivity, making me feel unworthy of a romantic relationship, and more isolated. I know it is valid to feel unworthy of love, but it does not mean I am. There will be people and a partner who will appreciate me for who I am. As my sensitivity means caring about people's feelings, some women will find that attractive, which could draw them to have a relationship with me.

VicK_torious

@Creativeboy23 I'd like to start this text by firstly telling you how proud I trully am for you that you've developed your independance and have been succeeding at so many hard tasks such as budgeting and cooking! It's trully inspiring when I see people going against people's bad attitudes, words, and treatment. I know it's extremely hard and you've done so amazing this far. I also know how hard it is to leave bad experiences behind. Sometimes these haunt us like a reocurring nightmare. No matter who or what people say, you are so much worth. You've got plenty to learn and plenty to win and lose in this life of yours. Take every comment, every judgement into account, but don't let it shape you if it won't be for the better. You will get to know yourself better and introduce you to people that will love you inconditionally and appreciate you deeply. People that will fall for your attractiveness, but will stay for who you are. Don't give up trying and keep in mind that bad judgement is only a way for many people to try and hide their own insecurities by making you feel less capable than them so they feel superior.

Keep doing your own amazing thing, developing and doing your best

Creativeboy23

Hello @VicK_torious.

Thanks for your lovely words and help.

I will do.

How have things been going for you?

VicK_torious

@Creativeboy23 I'm not doing my best really. I've been battling different forms of anxiety since I was a kid, however I feel really torn out the last year. I've been really poorly mentally and that also affects my physical health as well, which is not ideal if you also have health anxiety lol. My panic attacks have come back since they stopped 4 years ago, and I have started to get really angry and irritated easily which I can't help at all, and I sometimes take all this anger out in front of my close people. I've never been aggressive towards someone else, neither verbally or physically, but I'm really 'aggressive' towards my self. I talk really bad about me and sometimes shout out really mean things to myself. This is not the best thing for the people who see me every day.. I have deep scars which I also really hate about my body, and I can't find any way to feel relieved at the moment. I'm not feeling comfortable in my body even though for some it's 'ideal', for me it's really ugly and feels wrong in a way. I sometimes really wish I was not so determined and overachiever. It's become an obsession to be academically and professionally 'perfect' that I've started to doubt the reason I even try so much.

Creativeboy23

Hello @VicK_torious.

Sounds like a tough and overwhelming experience to be in. I hope things get better for you. Sending hugs.