Upcoming party

Former Member

It’s not really a big issue but I just wanted some other opinions.

So there’s this party coming up and most of my friends are going and have been invited but I haven’t. I’m not too fussed but I’d like to go as my boyfriend has also been invited. I assumed he’d ask for me to be invited too or just want to stay and chill with me but he said he’s going to go.

I’m a bit upset as if I knew my boyfriend wasn’t invited I’d think this was the perfect opportunity to spend some time with him doing something else.

I also understand however that it’s a party straight after our exams so he may want to have some fun.

Am I wrong for being quite mad and upset? My friend also agreed with me though they also said they would understand if my bf wanted to go as it’s after our exams and it’s a way to relax.

I just feel like I’m being inconsiderate and asking for too much but I also feel like I would do more for him than he would for me.

What should I do?

Former Member

hello @Past User

Trying to balance personal needs with what might be expected from you in a relationship is very complex; it sounds like you're having conflicting feelings about your boyfriend's actions, as well as feeling unsure whether your own emotional reaction to the situation might be correct or not - it is really positive that you have decided to open up about it with your friend and you both might be right in saying that he might want to go to the party as a way to relax. Have you tried to breach the topic with your boyfriend?

It might be useful to take a step back and to try and figure out what might be causing you to be upset. You mentioned that you and your boyfriend could have spent the time together and that you'd like him to be more considerate because that's what you would do for him. If you feel comfortable, would you mind talking a bit more about how that makes you feel? How would you have liked your boyfriend to do in this situation?

Former Member

I tried talking to him about it and he immediately apologised and said he hadn’t realised I wanted to go - on this occasion he even said he didn’t want to go that much anyway and would stay with me. I’m glad he said this but I feel like he would have gone to the party without a second thought about me if I hadn’t said anything so I also want to bring up how I feel I sometimes put in more effort or always make him a priority but I’m not to him - but I’m so scared!

issie

Hey @Lola_19,

Well done! It's so great that you talked to him about it, that isn't always an easy thing to do and I'm glad he apologised and offered to stay with you but it's super valid to still feel a bit anxious about the dynamics of your relationship.

In terms of talking to him about it, I think this sounds like a really healthy step and it'll keep the lines of communication open in your relationship! There are some things you could try which might make things a little easier:

Focus on your feelings: Perhaps instead of starting with accusations, try something like "I felt a little down when you mentioned going to the party without me. It would have meant a lot to be invited." This lets him know how his actions impacted you!

Use "I" statements: Instead of saying things like "You never think of me," you could try "I sometimes feel like I prioritise you more than you prioritise me." This keeps the conversation focused on your feelings and less accusatory.

Pick a good time: You could find a calm moment when neither of you are feeling overwhelmed or stressed about outside factors so it feels as manageable as possible for both of you!

Remember, healthy communication is key in any relationship and you are doing a great job at expressing your needs

Let us know how it goes?