Help...

It's getting bad again...me and my 16 year old sister got in argument awhile ago n stopped talking for ages...she messaged me a few days ago n now everything is exploding again. Back to nightmares of my birthparents and still blame myself for what they did to us.

I blame myself for dad's death...it was all my fault...mum n grandma say I need to the trauma therapy but idk, the thought of it scares me. I know I need it and I know I cant go on like this.

I feel so alone, I have no one to turn to and no one to vent to. If I vented on here it would be taken down ☹️ just left bottling everything up. Had another stupid relapse ☹️

Im just so drained and exhausted, all I do is put my friends first yet I get nothing back. People message me out of nowhere with massive vents and I read them and send massive paragraphs back...what do I get? Never had a thank you from any of them....

I just need a space I can open up in without it going wrong. Can't vent on here cos of guidlines. Can't vent to people directly cos they don't care about me. All I can do is fake a smile and pretend I'm fine....

Im just done...really done...yet I'm safe... 💔

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Former Member

It sounds like you have a lot on your shoulders right now @Rose113 . Blaming yourself for your dads death must be really difficult. That’s a massive amount of guilt and blame to be living with. It sounds like your mum and grandma disagree that it’s your fault and want you to seek help. I think it’s ok to not feel ready to get that help but knowing it’s an option Is good.

People message me out of nowhere with massive vents and I read them and send massive paragraphs back...what do I get? Never had a thank you from any of them....

Ive had a point in my life where I could relate to this. Being the supportive friend is really rubbish sometimes, especially when they don’t offer that same support back or show any gratitude. It takes a lot of time and energy to support other people and even more so when you’re going through your own stuff too. Just wondering but have you told them how this makes you feel? It sounds kinda lonely.

I just need a space I can open up in without it going wrong. Can't vent on here cos of guidlines. Can't vent to people directly cos they don't care about me. All I can do is fake a smile and pretend I'm fine....

It’s good you felt able to share this and open up this way. It will help you to not be bottling it all up. If you wanted to share the vent could you fit it in around the guidelines? Or maybe talk to someone 1 on 1 like Samaritans, Childline or shout?

if you’re worried about guidelines you could probably message the mix and ask if it’s ok to post. From my experience they’re usually happy to talk through anything

River

😔

issie

@Rose113 I hear you, and it sounds like you're carrying an incredible amount of weight right now. It's completely understandable that you feel drained and exhausted. It sounds like you're dealing with a lot right now, so it's amazing that you're still showing up for others but I can imagine it might be very disheartening when it feels one-sided, especially when you need support too.

It's so valid to need a safe space to express your thoughts and emotions, and we will always listen without judgment as you deserve to be heard. I would echo @Slinky and say to check in with The Mix directly about what you would like to share.

Thank you for letting us know you are safe too

River

@Issie_11 I already know it wouldn't be allowed. I would just be told it was too graphic

Orchid059

Hi @Rose113 I am sorry you are going through all this. It must be incredibly hard for it to resurface like it has. Carrying that guilt you have must be so difficult and exhausting but perhaps your grandma and mum's suggestion of therapy might be beneficial for you to talk about how you feel in a safe and professional environment where they are best able to support you moving forward. It can be incredibly daunting starting therapy so take your time with it and only proceed with it if you feel comfortable.

You are doing so well and despite feeling that you have unreciprocated support from friends I just want to let you know that we are always here for you no matter so please keep updating us with how you are doing.

BensonE

Rose113 wrote: »

It's getting bad again...me and my 16 year old sister got in argument awhile ago n stopped talking for ages...she messaged me a few days ago n now everything is exploding again. Back to nightmares of my birthparents and still blame myself for what they did to us.

I blame myself for dad's death...it was all my fault...mum n grandma say I need to the trauma therapy but idk, the thought of it scares me. I know I need it and I know I cant go on like this.

I feel so alone, I have no one to turn to and no one to vent to. If I vented on here it would be taken down ☹️ just left bottling everything up. Had another stupid relapse ☹️

Im just so drained and exhausted, all I do is put my friends first yet I get nothing back. People message me out of nowhere with massive vents and I read them and send massive paragraphs back...what do I get? Never had a thank you from any of them....

I just need a space I can open up in without it going wrong. Can't vent on here cos of guidlines. Can't vent to people directly cos they don't care about me. All I can do is fake a smile and pretend I'm fine....

Im just done...really done...yet I'm safe... 💔

Hiya Rose

I don't know your situation fully but your dad's death isn't your fault

I blame myself for my dad's death because its easier for me todo so then except I had zero control