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Am I being unreasonable?
Former Member
Community Champion Posts: 1,294 Wise Owl
I'm not very good at these things so I thought I'd ask for some advice. My adhd is PISSING ME OFF RN so I'm gonna do this in bullet point form 
- i have a friend, let's call him max, we've been friends for like 6 months and we're good friends but he's very resvered, quiet, shy type of guy. he's very respectful and yeah he seems very nice
- i have a boyfriend, he knows this and has known this since we became friends
- we have another friend, let's call her layla. layla max and i have always hung out together as a trio, especially because we all have sociology together.
- layla has had a crush on max since they met about 6 months ago too
- since there's a lot of content max and i decided to meet up at the library and revise together before our mocks. i wanted to invite layla but for some reason i didn't. tbh i cant really remember why i didnt invite her, i think i was just waiting for max to bring her up since he's the one who came up with the library idea.
- turns out he groped me and layed on my lap and put his head on my shoulder and at one point in the library he was sliding his hand right up my thighs. he was literally grabbing me.
- i gaslighted myself into thinking it was ok and that he didn't do anything wrong because he seems like a nice person who wouldn't do something like that at all
- i never told layla because she likes him and i didn't wnat her to get jealous of the fact he touched me and appeared to like me (although im not convinced he likes me)
- i also didn't want layla to be sad we didn't invite her but after beig sexually assaulted it wasn't really on my mind
- the other day in sociologu max accidentally mentioned that day in the library and layla picked up on it and started asking about it
- i felt bad trying to cover up what happened so after class i spoke to her and explained everything
- she was super upset that a) we didn't invite her and b) he likes me and not her
- i get she's upset but i'm a bit pissed off that she didn't even bother to ask if i'm ok after being sexually assaulted
- calling it sexual assault feels like a bit of a stretch but considering my past and connsidering layla knows my struggles i thought she be a little more understanding
- on top of that my famiky life has been a bit mentak and layla knows about this. she knows that family therapy isn't helping, that everyone i my famiky is like fucking losing their mind, she knows how much i'm struggling, yet all she does is talk about max and that she's upset and she's jealous max likes me and he'll never like her.
- i'm a bit upset, i feel like she's being selfish but yeah i do get it. it's a shit situation for her too and i'd be upset in her place too.
- i think the thing bothering me the most is that this has just made me feel so awkward around layla. in the 6th form common room it is always so overwhelming and i always have layla at the end of the day but now things with her are weird and it's just making everything so much worse.
- max's friend jake also likes me (he's made lots of sexual comments about me in the past and used to follow me around the common room, and then to the library, and then outside, and then to the canteen, etc). max and jake both make me feel very uncomfortable so i can't hang out with my friendgroyp with laya max jake and a few others. the 'few others' i have very little in commonn with and feel awkward around.
- i have some other friends but they hang out with a grouyp of guys who recently added me to a group chat to bully me about a conversation they overheard and misinterpreted because they didn't have context. it was just immature and dumb.
- anyway, the point is, i have no one to be around. im lonelu and now stuff is weird with layla i just spend all lunch and all break in the corner of the common room with my earplugs in. a lot of the time jake will come up to me and harrass me. it's fucking shit.
- now that ive started venting i feel like i have so much more to say but i'm just tired and fed up more than anything. i guess it's better if i break things down anyway. i'll make a seperate post about the other stuff.
- the main point is im exhausted eeverything is shit and im scared that my mental health is going to plummet again. i cannot afford for that to happen.
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the thing is, there's absolutely no one at school to hang out with. max and layla were my closest friends. jake (who i briefly mentioned) was also a good friend of mine but has been making me veru uncomfortable lately. my old best friend went cold with me a few months ago, got very passive aggressive, and we've been avoiding esch other since. she also tried to sabotage my relationship w my bf so yeah there's that.
ive just been sitting alone in the common room in the corner witn my earplugs in. it's pretty miserable. so yeah i usually talk to layla if i can.
i feel like no one in my entire year group wants to be friends witb me. im gonna make a posf sbout this as some point ahen i can be bothered to type it all up lol. people have always treated me weirdly my whole life and idk why. i used to think it was bcs im fat and ugly but recently ive been looking in the mirror andthibminf 'im not that large and im acfually pretty attractive' so its like wtf is the issue?? maybe its bevause im an extrnal at my 6th form. but there are otber externals too who arent treated the way i am. im ignored and people give me the cold shoulder and treat me weirdly, like im an alien. they dont even give me a chance. my school is majority white and im not white so i wonder if it could be racism but ny bf fhinks thays unlikely. im just tryunf to find a reason why people treat me like theres something wrong with me. its just the subtle things tbey say and do thay make me feel like they see me as different and i dont understand it.
Thank you for posting so openly about you're feelings and what's going on in your life right now. I feel like you needed to get this situation off your chest and I hope that opening up like that about what happened felt liberating
As I understand, there is a situation of conflict between you and your friends that is making you feel like your feelings about what happened are not being taken into account - with layla preferring to focus on her own feelings about someone who behaved towards you in a way that made you feel wronged. Would you be able to describe in ore detail what you feelings towards layla are at this moment? I understand that this situation might make you feel unsafe with her, do you think that's the case?
I'm really sorry you're feeling lonely. I know that the feeling of "otherness" you are subjected to is caused by other people at school as well; however, do you feel like someone invalidating your experiences like Layla did may have contributed to you feeling so isolated?
Sending hugs your way