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My teacher said something to a friend of mine that made me have flashbacks and get really angry.
Anonymous55
Posts: 40 Boards Initiate
My best friend has been struggling with her mental health for a while. I've been in her place, and what she's told me is incredibly relatable. On Friday, she had a breakdown in a school corridor, and our form tutor was walking past. It was bad timing, and I could tell he was angry and in a hurry. He stopped and started firing questions at both of us, but the substitute had come out and was asking questions as well. It was overwhelming for both of us, and when I kept pausing because I didn't want to tell anyone anything without her permission, my form tutor got even more annoyed. He thought I didn't know what was going on, and told her to come talk to him at break because he was on duty.
Then at break, when I was dropping off my bag in form before I went to get something to eat, he asked me what was going on. Obviously, I wasn't going to tell him without her permission, because breaking her trust could make her more unstable (Me and another friend have managed to get her to talk to several trusted adults, and I've been there for two of them, so I know they won't let her get hurt)but then he told me that if I didn't know, I should just say that, and let her talk instead. The fact is that when you're having a near panic attack, it's not that easy, so she wasn't going to be coherent if they were firing off questions like it was a quiz.
I couldn't say that to him, obviously, so I just kept my mouth shut. Then, when I came back from getting food, my friend was standing by the side while he talked to some other kids. She said she didn't know what to say or how to explain, so I helped her go over a few things she could start with. Obviously, the teacher saw us, but when she tried to start speaking, he waved her away and said 'Oh, it's ok, I don't have time for (insert my name here's) wording' and 'oh (insert my name here) if you don't know what's going on just don't say anything and let her explain instead' and then he dismissed us both.
That had me absolutely fuming, because he'd not only just dismissed a child under his care who was asking for help, but he'd also seen her break down and say he didn't have time for it. That gave me awful flashbacks, because the first time I ever told anyone I was struggling with mental health (after a teacher had verbally abused me, talking about how he knew about all of the trouble I'd been involved in, even though he 100% knewI was the victim in all of them and how maybe that was why I had no friends blah, blah blah,) the adult who'd seen me hyperventilating and panicking because I'd been mentally destroyed in front of my entire class, told me i was 'making a mountain out of a molehill'.
That stayed with me for the rest of my time in primary school (this took place in year five) and my self-esteem was rock bottom for three whole years. I'd been told to go to an adult if something happened, but what the hell did that do? I can't find it in myself to trust him now, because that was strike three for him. He'd already said some pretty nasty things. How do I deal with it, when all I can see is an endless cycle of adults telling me to trust them, and then letting me down all over again?
Then at break, when I was dropping off my bag in form before I went to get something to eat, he asked me what was going on. Obviously, I wasn't going to tell him without her permission, because breaking her trust could make her more unstable (Me and another friend have managed to get her to talk to several trusted adults, and I've been there for two of them, so I know they won't let her get hurt)but then he told me that if I didn't know, I should just say that, and let her talk instead. The fact is that when you're having a near panic attack, it's not that easy, so she wasn't going to be coherent if they were firing off questions like it was a quiz.
I couldn't say that to him, obviously, so I just kept my mouth shut. Then, when I came back from getting food, my friend was standing by the side while he talked to some other kids. She said she didn't know what to say or how to explain, so I helped her go over a few things she could start with. Obviously, the teacher saw us, but when she tried to start speaking, he waved her away and said 'Oh, it's ok, I don't have time for (insert my name here's) wording' and 'oh (insert my name here) if you don't know what's going on just don't say anything and let her explain instead' and then he dismissed us both.
That had me absolutely fuming, because he'd not only just dismissed a child under his care who was asking for help, but he'd also seen her break down and say he didn't have time for it. That gave me awful flashbacks, because the first time I ever told anyone I was struggling with mental health (after a teacher had verbally abused me, talking about how he knew about all of the trouble I'd been involved in, even though he 100% knewI was the victim in all of them and how maybe that was why I had no friends blah, blah blah,) the adult who'd seen me hyperventilating and panicking because I'd been mentally destroyed in front of my entire class, told me i was 'making a mountain out of a molehill'.
That stayed with me for the rest of my time in primary school (this took place in year five) and my self-esteem was rock bottom for three whole years. I'd been told to go to an adult if something happened, but what the hell did that do? I can't find it in myself to trust him now, because that was strike three for him. He'd already said some pretty nasty things. How do I deal with it, when all I can see is an endless cycle of adults telling me to trust them, and then letting me down all over again?
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Comments
Firstly I just wanted to say that it's great that you are able to be there for your friend. It can be tricky trying to support someone whilst keeping their privacy in mind.
The way that teacher responded to the situation was not okay, I can understand your frustration with him, he definitely didn't handle that situation how he should have and then made it worse by completely dismissing your friend when she tried to talk!
I can see how it would remind you of when you were let down in the past, having your trust broken time and time again is difficult and understandably means you're hesitant about reaching out again
You've always got a space here to share how you're feeling. You can also reach out to Childline, where adults are trained to listen to you and offer help, they won't dismiss you like that teacher.
Not only that, but the teachers tried to get me to ask for extra work instead of reading. That's literally what they said to my mom! It's not fair! I try so hard to get the work done, even when it hurts to think, and then they want me to ask for more pain when all I want to do is rest?!
I hear ur pain and frustration.
Trusting is a hard thing especially when it's proven guilty.
I'm so sorry u had to go through this.
Know ur loved and cared for.
And u can always reach out on here.
In my year group, anyone who knows me either gets freaked out by my smile because it's 'scary and ugly and freaky and so am i blah blah blah' or literally doesn't care/has become used to my smile. But there's this kid in my form who likes to get all freaked out about my smile. So when I grin at her, she's all like 'oh put that away, it's ugly, no one likes you, you scare me, etc' and then the form tutor walks past and he hasn't heard anything, right? But then the kid turns to him and she's like 'oh sir (Insert my name here) smile scares me.' and ya know what this man replied with??
'hahah, their mother never taught them how to smile properly'
I just-can't. I can't look at him and think he's a trustworthy figure in my life. It makes me feel almost sick.