Does anyone else have issues dissociating in class?

Anonymous55

I am being assessed for autism, so it's not one hundred percent black and white (and neurodivergence never is anyway) but I've displayed a lot of signs throughout my (admittedly short life) which have led to my family being pretty certain I'm on the spectrum. It helps that my brother is on the Autism spectrum, so the signs are more recognisable, but the point it, I have an issues with dissociation in class and outside where and this might be a trigger so watch out my head feels stuffed with cotton and it feels like it's swollen inside, and everything feels heavy and hard to move, and reading or playing with blue tack keeps it at bay, or there are so many thoughts going through my head so fast that I can't even catch or hear or see them.

It's uncomfortable, and reading helps give my head something to latch onto. The letters sort of manifest in my head and I can see the print when I read. It stops me from collapsing, but my family says they aren't good coping mechanisms because I need to be able to study/self-regulate/ etc. It gets on my nerve but I know it's true...I think? What about any of you?

Amy22

Hey @Anonymous55 I hear that you have been having difficulty focusing in class and often disassociate. First of all I wanted to say that it can be super hard to focus for long periods of time especially for us neurodivergent folk because it also takes time for us to properly process what we are being told as well as to understand the information as well. I too can disassociate a lot especially in work and find I can be easily distracted by the tinest of things. I get you with the whole many thoughts in your head as well because we often can have like million of thoughts floating around which may not always be helpful. Also, an analogy I tend to use a lot for having lots of thoughts is thinking of it as Google. Google is our brain basically and each tab on Google is a thought and sometimes I have too many tabs open that need to be closed one by one but it can be hard because these tabs can often re-appear too. One thing I tend to do is have like a fidget toy nearby by or a pen because then in work I can read and fidget with a pen which can self-stimulate my focus.

I don't know whether this may be helpful for you but having regular timed breaks such as like when you feel like your focus is drifiting in places you can say give yourself 10 minutes break to maybe have a walk and then come back to the task you are doing. I know if you are in a classroom then this might be harder to do. It may be a good idea to explain to your teacher as well that you struggle with your focus because then they can better understand how you work too. I noticed you mentioned reading can help you as a coping mechanism and maybe that is your way of self-regulation. Honestly, I don't know if this is helpful at all but I am always here if you do need someone to chat to.

Sending hugs,

Amy22

Anonymous55

I have a five minute pass out of class, but the problem is that the feeling can last for at least two lessons, and we're coming up to exams which means I need to focus. except I can't because there are too many thoughts and I need help regulating. Another problem is that, to use your 'google analogy', imagine if you couldn't find the X that marked the close for a tab. Or your computer won't let you click it. That's what it's like for me. I quite literally have no way of closing the tabs. And it just hurts a bit, trying to focus. It's like attempting to squash and compress something that won't let you. It's a bit painful. I don't really know what to do except use physical stimulation (i.e. blue tack or reading) to keep focus. But my brother says I need to look for other ways of self-regulation. I think he might be wrong, because we're all different, right? but I still have trouble telling myself I am the one in the right and he could be mistaken. I have a lot of self-esteem issues, which is hard to deal with when it comes to putting my own opinion above his.

AnonymousToe

I think I kind of know what you mean. I struggled a lot with anxiety at school and it would reach a point where I’d be unable to move or do anything, and my brain felt all fluffy, I once felt like I WAS a cloud, it was weird. I’ve heard it suggested to use something strong smelling to kind of ground yourself. There’s the 5,4,3,2,1 technique for anxiety that I used and it kind of helped. (5 things you can see, 4 you can hear, 3 you can feel, 2 you can smell and 1 you can taste)
Whatever it is, this isn’t your fault. It really doesn’t sound like you’re choosing to do this. And perhaps part of it is a conscious thing, maybe it helps you cope or something, but that’s just you and your body trying to make the best of things and do the only thing it knows how. You’re not doing anything wrong.

Just a thought but you said reading helps you, could you have like a textbook on hand to read stuff related to what you’re doing so you’re not missing out on lesson time so much?

If you haven’t already I think you should speak to someone about trying to get help with this, because it seems to be impacting your life a lot.

(Side note if it’s relevant, I’m autistic.)

Anonymous55

@AnonymousToe
That's actually a good idea with the whole textbook and scent thing, but it's not really like I know when it'll set in, so I'd have to have a notebook for every lesson...and my bag gets pretty full. On the other hand, scents could really help. I'll ask my parents if they're willing to help me get something from the shops. @AnonymousToe and @Amy22 Thank you for the advice, I really appreciate it!!

Amy22

Anonymous55 wrote: »

I have a five minute pass out of class, but the problem is that the feeling can last for at least two lessons, and we're coming up to exams which means I need to focus. except I can't because there are too many thoughts and I need help regulating. Another problem is that, to use your 'google analogy', imagine if you couldn't find the X that marked the close for a tab. Or your computer won't let you click it. That's what it's like for me. I quite literally have no way of closing the tabs. And it just hurts a bit, trying to focus. It's like attempting to squash and compress something that won't let you. It's a bit painful. I don't really know what to do except use physical stimulation (i.e. blue tack or reading) to keep focus. But my brother says I need to look for other ways of self-regulation. I think he might be wrong, because we're all different, right? but I still have trouble telling myself I am the one in the right and he could be mistaken. I have a lot of self-esteem issues, which is hard to deal with when it comes to putting my own opinion above his.

I get you especially with the not being able to find the x button on the computer too speaking of the Google analogy. It definitely sounds like something that has been affecting you a lot recently. I don't know but have you tried using Headspace on youtube and guided meditation. Sometimes meditation can help us a bit when thoughts become too much and can help us to ground. I know for most it is harder to do and I often find meditation quite hard to do but always remember that doing meditation we can allow ourselves to have thoughts and think about things but then we go back to focusing on what is around and what we can hear. Do you find using physical stimulation helpful for with your concertration?. I know that you have got a five minute pass you can use to leave the classroom which is a good tool to have but it does sound that the concertration side of things really affect you heavily. I wonder if you are able to take a physical stimulant with you to class maybe i.e a fidget toy or even stress ball you could squeeze.

lunarcat522

@Anonymous55 I've definitely experienced dissociation before but on occasion I struggle to identify it particularly when it's in relation to being overwhelmed with noise

Have you tried loop earplugs or anything similar to try and cancel out the noise?

Anonymous55

@lunarcat522
yes, I've tried the earplug method, and unfortunately it doesn't work for me....but thank you for the suggestion.
@Amy22
I do keep a pack of blue tack with me, which is very useful, but squishy toys are out of the question. I'm not very liked by a couple of people in my class, and fidget toys aren't usually allowed unless you have special needs, so it's either A: go to the teacher and explain why I have it, and possibly be overheard or found out by another kid, or B: have the idiots of my class who have no boundaries beg me to let them play with the fidget toy. Sooo...blue tack. thanks for the suggestion though!

Former Member

Dissociation in general- in big crowds or meetings.
It's a really hard one.
Sending love ❤️