Jobs and being a quiet person

Creativeboy23

Hello.

I have been down today.

I want to be a graphic designer, but I am open to considering other job opportunities. I feel people do not support my choice and think that I am not interested in graphic design anymore. A tenant questioned me about doing a bartending job when my dream profession is graphic design. It is making me think that I should limit my job search to graphic designer jobs. So, I am feeling sidetracked from my decision. I shared this with a helpline and a helpline worker said that sounds difficult but anyone else’s words should not affect my choices and we cannot stop other people from talking but we can stay strong in our beliefs. She asked me if I tried using positive affirmations and to think of one. So, I felt she did not acknowledge my feelings enough, rushed to problem-solving, and offered toxic positivity. I understand that it is unlikely that she intended to make me feel this way and wanted to help me through my situation but it does not make it hurt any less. I was thinking that many would be looking at the situation from her point of view, dismissing my feelings. This is because in the past, I felt my university mentor did when I shared that I was upset with a staff’s response to a struggle I shared with her.

At a pool group, I was quiet which brought up experiences where people would always tell me I am quiet. It was making me feel patronised and singled out for being quiet. They probably tell me that because they do not want me to feel isolated or they just want to check up to see if I am okay because silence can sometimes be a sign that something is troubling you. However, it does not feel nice when people try to draw attention to you being quiet.

lunarcat522

@Creativeboy23 I'm sorry you feel dismissed and rather invalidated by those you've reached out to, it sounds really frustrating.

I'm also considered a "quiet person" by the world so I totally empathise with your experiences of being patronised/singled out and have it brought up when I didn't want it to or think it had any relevancy. I understand the fact that it feels like negative attention because unfortunately society often wants us to change. I was always told at school parent's evening's "she's a pleasure to teach but I wish she would contribute more in class/have more confidence" etc.

I would definitely recommend reading Quiet by Susan Cain if you're interested because it explores looking at quietness and introversion as a strength, which you don't often get to see and it has real life accounts of people, so it's quite uplifting if you've been put down a lot for stuff like that.

As for job searching I would genuinely advise that you do whatever your heart wants and try to filter out the noise from everyone else trying to sway you one way or the other. I think you definitely could do bartending if you wanted to, I don't see how you would be held back, but if you're end goal is definitely graphic design then I would definitely keep working towards that, even if it's in the background for now like volunteering etc. It really depends on what you want to do at the end of the day because that's all that really matters!

I've had a similar experience to you recently where I was speaking to someone I was hoping could be a reference for a job I was applying for and she was really convincing me not to do it, making up lots of excuses and general insinuations that I wasn't capable when she realised I was taking no interest in her unsolicited advice. The thing is if you don't try for the things you want to do and opportunities that arise you'll never know the outcome.

I've also been having to deal with toxic positivity from people from a weekly basis so I get how hurtful and frustrating that can be to have to endure. Unfortunately there won't always be people who understand but the good thing is we can choose who we want to listen to or ignore.

I hope this has helped a bit and once again I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this, I really hope things improve for you, I know that you're capable of great things so try to remember that!

sinead276

I can definitely relate as well to the being called out on being a quiet person. I spent most my school years also filling the role of being "a pleasure to teach and is clever, she just needs to share her ideas with the class" and I know how awkward it can feel when people point out the fact you are quiet. Most people like you said don't mean much harm by it when they say it, but it can definitely feel a bit uncomfortable, so your feelings are totally valid there.

And as for the job, do what you want to do. Although A LOT easier said than done, follow your heart on it and what you're passionate about.

Hope this at least provides some comfort in the fact that you're not alone in your feelings and that we are here to help.

Sending hugs
Sinead

Creativeboy23

Hello @lunarcat522 and @sinead276.

Well said. Thank you both for your support.