Ugh

Rose113

I'm so fucking done with everything and so fucking fed up of my head

Aoife

Sending lots of strength your way @River

I'm hearing how much you're going through right now and how hard it's all feeling. You're doing really well sharing how you're feeling with us here. Do you feel comfy sharing a bit more with us about what's been going on for you and if you're feeling safe at the moment?

If you're feeling unsafe at any point, remember these services are here for you:

* If you need urgent help or have any concerns for your health or safety, the quickest way to get help is to call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. 
*Crisis Messenger - Our crisis messenger text service provides free, 24/7 crisis support across the UK. If you’re aged 25 or under, and are experiencing any painful emotion or are in crisis, you can text THEMIX to 85258.
* Papyrus - If you are having thoughts of suicide, you can contact HOPELINEUK for confidential support and practical advice. You can call them on 0800 068 4141 or text them on 07786209697.
* Samaritans are reachable by phone and email 24/7. Whatever you're going through, you can call them any time, from any phone on 116 123. They also have a web chat service open throughout the day too.

Keep reaching out whenever you need to River, you deserve support always

Rose113

@Aife I hate that question

last night I had bad night and made a 3 page vent and now I don't know what do wth it or anything for that matter...just want life to stop being so shit

Aoife

I hear you River, it can be a tough question and you don't have to share anything you're not comfortable to. We want to make sure we're helping as much as we can and sharing some support options that can help if you're not feeling safe but we can still chat here. If you would like some help finding anywhere else to reach out to for more support, do let us know as we can always help with that. It's important to us you're getting the best support

It sounds like it's been a really tough night last night, I remember you mentioning in another thread it's your anniversary today which has in the past triggered some traumatic memories for you. Is how you're feeling related to today?

Writing can be a really helpful way to unpack everything and how we're feeling, but it can also be hard doing that as we process things. Someone once said to me it often feels worse when we start talking about things we're going through before it feels better, I wonder if it's all feeling quite raw at the moment after writing these things out?

We hope you're doing okay River, big hugs your way

Rose113

@Aife yeah been trying to act like today doesn't exist but it's been proving more difficult yeah a bit, I tried doing poetry but my mind kept going bank

Aoife

It sounds like it's been really tough in the lead up to today @River

Anniversaries each year can be the hardest days to experience and I'm sorry to hear you've not been able to write poetry, I know that's usually something that helps when you're struggling. You've been really brave to reach out to us, we're all here for you today and we'll have our Friday chat thread running this evening if you wanted to come along to that too?

I also remember you mentioned your mum has made the day feel more difficult as she sees it a bit differently to you. How have things been with her today?

Rose113

@Aife yeah I'm gonna join if I can. Mum hasn't spoke to me since she came home and she is about to go out for 4 hours and I doubt she will even say anything to me even later 🤷‍♀️ but maybe that's for the best I guess

ella

Just checking in to see how you're doing today @River?

Rose113

@ella I feel dreadful and my mind is running to places that i don't want it to go to

ella

Well done for getting through yesterday, it sounds like it was a really emotionally charged day so it is understandable that you might be feeling not so good today

Is there anything you usually do as a distraction to some of the negative thoughts you're describing? It might be helpful to start with some grounding techniques and then go on from there? I'll link a nice article here for you to have a look at if that sounds like something you might want to try.

Let us know how it goes and we are here if you want to talk throughout the day, River. Sending hugs!

Rose113

@ella I either draw or write poems, I'm going on a road trip today so it'll help to get away from home as where I'm going doesn't have anything dangerous that I could sh with if I felt the need to

ella

Ah that's great news @River, getting out the house is a brilliant idea and a road trip sounds so fun- I'm jealous!

Do you have a road trip playlist? It's always my favourite thing to make before going on one!🚙 ⭐

Rose113

@ella yeah we make one every month me and mum do alternate songs when we make them but I sneak a few extra on

Rose113

Mum brought up the anniversary and wants to celebrate tonight

ella

If you are spending time with mum today, it could be a great opportunity to communicate how celebrating the anniversary makes you feel? You could try something like this:

"Hey Mum, I know you want to celebrate [anniversary], but it brings up some difficult emotions for me because [insert reason]. I would find it easier if I/we could [insert need/action] instead of celebrating tonight."

Hopefully this allows you to regain some control over the anniversary and set a boundary with mum about the day? Hope this helps!

Rose113

Thank you @ella I might do that a bit later as atm it's nice that we are having a day were we aren't having ago at each other and if I bring it up it will cause an argument