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Might report my mother to the police tomorrow (TW: abuse, si)
Distraction
Posts: 450 Listening Ear
So yeah, I'm really thinking about it, I've been thinking about it for a few weeks now, it happened years ago and I know the evidence might be a bit thin and if it is put to court it might not go very far but I should do something right, while she's still alive.
She beat my sister, she neglected us all, threatened to kill us and her self, to name a few things, surly she can be charged with something, anything.
She beat my sister, she neglected us all, threatened to kill us and her self, to name a few things, surly she can be charged with something, anything.
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I think it's a good idea if you feel comfortable with it. I reported a situation with my dad several years after it happened and they did get police involved and stuff. In my case nothing happened of it because I didn't do the video interview for the police. For me, it kind of helped people knowing about it. I'm fortunate in my situation as I'm allowed to reopen the case when I'm ready. And I could get justice for what happened.
It could be a way of regaining peace and moving on, even if nothing happens of it (which I can't see nothing happening of it).
If you feel ready to do this, you deserve justice for it. And you deserve to move on.
It would be good if she even just got a fright, a letter through the door for a warning or something, to know she didn't just get away with it
I think my sister got the worst of it and with her passed a few years now I feel like I should do this for her as well, I'm hopefully getting her ashes soon and I'd like to let them go, while letting her know our mother did do wrong and it's out and theres no hiding it for her anymore, and hopefully by that time, I can tell my sister that she's been held accountable and I'm sorry she did't get to see the day but that I hope she knows, where ever she is, that she can rest easy if it was something that she would have liked to settle before she left
Reporting someone to the police is a really brave thing to do - it sounds like you and your sister went through a very difficult time, and it's completely understandable that you would want to see some kind of accountability for what happened.
I am going to signpost you to some legal resources that can offer specific advice on your situation. They can walk you through the process and the potential evidence needed to make a case:
Mind also have a Legal line providing legal information and general advice on mental health related law. They are open Monday-Friday from 9am-6pm and can be contacted on 0300 466 6463. You can email them on legal@mind.org.uk
It's also important to acknowledge how you must be feeling. The hope for even a small acknowledgement of what happened, a "fright" as you say, is completely valid. Sometimes, just knowing someone is held accountable for their actions can be a really powerful step towards healing and moving forwards.
In the meantime, I want to reiterate that you're doing a very brave thing. It shows incredible strength, not just for yourself, but also for your sister. Please keep us updated and let us know how you are doing
I ended up going to the station the other day to ask a few question about it, they were helpful, cold and a bit blunt but helpful and I suppose they aren't really there to be soft about it and I didn't need softness to be honest, just maybe a little understanding but I got my answers none the less
When I got home, I typed everything my mother done onto the laptop, so I could see what she did on paper (not sure if I'd be allowed the paper in the room)
I felt like there should have been more, it was five pages but it doesn't feel enough, like even certain situations, that on it's own should be, it just feels like they don't come across that bad you know
Just a quick question see the legal resources, what happens if it happened in England but I stay in Scotland, which ones would I go through, if I was to?
Many thanks
It's also a positive step that you have written everything down on paper. What happened to you is valid and should be taken seriously, no matter how long or short your story is. That can't have been easy but it's so powerful that you're making these steps towards healing and accountability like @ella mentioned.
Just wanted to pick up on this question^. As you mention going to your local police station, I imagine you are reporting this to Police Scotland right now. So I believe in this first instance you could contact advice lines / legal lines that are based in Scotland as these are applicable to all Scottish residents. These kinds of organisations could help chat through any questions you have about the legal process - if things are being taken further, I imagine Police Scotland will liaise with the relevant authorities and the details of the crime will be forwarded to the relevant area in England for investigation. I imagine they would then provide you with some advice on getting legal support going forward. If it is to be heard in an English court then they may provide you with advice on getting legal support in England.
I'd maybe suggest contacting Victim Support Scotland if you wanted to chat things through with them for now - they can talk to you about any worries you have and how they can help. You can get in contact by calling their helpline – 0800 160 1985 (Mon – Fri, 9am – 8pm) or they also have webchat service: https://victimsupport.scot/contact/
Young people between the ages of 11 and 25 can also get free, confidential advice on legal issues, 24 hours a day, from the Young Scot Law Line (tel. 0808 801 0801).
The Scottish Child Law Centre also provides free legal advice, guidance and information about the law for and about children and young people.
Keep reaching out - you're not alone through this. We're here for you.
I'm personally not the best for actual advice, but what Gemma said looks informative for you.
Like she said, keeping reaching out to us when you need to and remember we're all here to support you however we can
Sending hugs
Sinead
He said it might be unpleasant but that I should say everything that comes to mind, don't walk away feeling like something was left unsaid, which is fair advice
I told them I'm not sure if it's serious enough but the younger lad was like if you've come in today after 10+ years then it must be, he said it with a smile
I just feel like I have to be carful you know, they might turn things against you if it does go to court, say one thing and they pick it apart
And I really feel like I'm over reacting now, after going in today but I've gave them my details, I can't go back now lol
I get caught up in what I say a lot, end up in a rant, I'll take notes to keep me straight but I don't really know how to talk to them
TW Mention of csa below
I don't know what to tell them, the obvious of course but what about the possible sibling abuse as well, I don't know if it's just sisters being sisters you know, that's what someone told me after I said what happened and I know it isn't a big thing (it really isn't) but it's not something I wanted to happen and it might help incase her own abuse gets brought up
We found out she may or may not have been groomed but she did have a baby with the man next door and we think she was under age at the time but we're unsure if any of it is actually true because it's from an unreliable source
If I was to mention what happened then maybe they could see her actions as result of being with that guy and know it wasn't right what happened to her
Your feelings are absolutely valid and I am hearing that you may be downplaying what happened to you. Child and sibling abuse is really serious, no matter how someone tries to minimise it. You deserve to be heard here. That being said, it sounds like the meeting next week could be quite heavy and emotionally charged for you to talk about a traumatic period of time for you. Do you have someone to come with you for emotional support before and after the meeting?
Making notes for the meeting is a great idea. They can help you stay focused and keep your thoughts organised . The thing to remember is that the police want to get a full picture of what happened and everything you can remember, don't worry about getting things perfectly right or getting caught up in a rant. They're trained to listen and understand.
In response to the question about your sister, whilst the The Mix cannot give out legal advice, the police will want the whole picture to understand what happened to both of you. I want to encourage you to give a legal helpline a call just to go through some of these questions you have before your meeting:
Mind also have a Legal line providing legal information and general advice on mental health related law. They are open Monday-Friday from 9am-6pm and can be contacted on 0300 466 6463. You can email them on legal@mind.org.uk
Please do keep us updated and reach out any time you need to talk- we are always here
I kinda wish my dad or step mum was a bit like you, don't get me wrong, my step mum can be helpful, she can be lovely as well but everything feels so lonely, not just this, but all the time I've been living here, everything very much depends on her moods and I don't think she really knows how to let her walls down to be there for people (theres only ever been cracks of it but tbf she's always there for her friends) which I understand, I totally get it, it's hard and it's not her fault but I've asked her, to just hug me randomly (doesn't have to be often) and I understand some people don't like hugs but she hugs her nieces and nephews when they visit, how can I just not get a random hug now and again, I always try hug her and then I've tried not hugging her for awhile but either way nothing comes of it, she does love and she is supportive but what I'd give for someone to just hold me and never let go,
I am sorry, this is all a bit over emotional and I don't really know where it's all coming from but I think I just need a mum who doesn't course this much pain, and after having two difficult ones it kinda kills you a bit inside, I'll probably re read this back in a few days and be totally embarrassed lol
But anyway yes, thank you for your words
I've told my step mum I'm going and that she can come along if she wants but it'd probably be best I just go alone, I do everything alone anyway, it won't bother me that much + I have work soon after it so I'll just go there
"Making notes for the meeting is a great idea. They can help you stay focused and keep your thoughts organised . The thing to remember is that the police want to get a full picture of what happened and everything you can remember, don't worry about getting things perfectly right or getting caught up in a rant. They're trained to listen and understand."
This ^ is reassuring thank you!
Thanks Ella, I'll give them a call tomorrow, no harm in trying, always better to have more info then not
Thanks, it was good, she just told me to get my dates in order and that I'll have to sign the statement so be very clear if you're unsure of certain things and don't presume or add to missing memory, even if you're trying to bridge something, she said you'll say what you need to and they'll ask questions to get a better understanding
I think I feel quite small at the moment to be honest, I've wrote it all down but I feel like there should be more, like parts are missing and that it's not enough, for all the years I've felt like this, like it was something so big, how come it's only a few words on paper you know, how did it hurt so much, how do you get justice for the aftermath, it killed me but theres no evidence for that, I don't feel like I've written it all out well/ clear enough but it'll just have to do
After 14 years she won't be expecting it at all, I wish I could be there to see it
And now I really want something to come of it, I want her charged, could you imagine, after all these years of gritting by, keeping secrets and pure struggling in silence, that she gets what she deserves
Although, obviously it might only go as far as questioning
I hope you get the peace and justice you deserve