Things aren't great...!!TW The big C!!

Chloe234

Hey, so its been a while since I've made my own post for support which the main reason honestly being I never have the energy for the post and I feel bad if I make a post and get supportive comments but cant reply to the support so I apoligise in advance if that happens again. I appreciate the support a lot and thankyou if you take the time to reply.

The other day I found out that my aunt whos been battling cancer was told she only had a small number of months left to live. I'm completely torn apart by it. I was so close to my aunt and she is such an amazing woman, it's just hard to come to terms with. When there was a court fight for custody between my dad and "Grandmother" because my mum wasn't mentally stable enough to care for us anymore, she took us in for over 2 years and raised us like her own. She's always been there for us and I feel so bad because I cant be there much for her because we live over an hour and a half away.

I also feel so so guilty because I've been so suicidal recently; heck I was in hospital 2 weeks ago because of an attempt; and she's here wanting to live but doesn't get the choice. I'm trying to throw my life away because things are shit and I'm clearly too weak to face it yet she's a mother, she wants to live, she deserves to live but cant because of the cancer which she's been fighting tirelessly. I just feel so selfish because of that and I hate it.

Part of me is also so so scared because its only 2 months until my GCSEs. 2 months. And I'm no where near ready for them, let alone leaving school in 3 months where I've got some sort of a support network and have a close bond with a few of the teachers. Loads of people cant wait to leave school yet I'm dreading it. I've lost so many people over the course of my life and I moved primary schools 3 times, I finally had a place where I stayed since the beginning and its such a massive loss having to leave it all. If anything, I think I'm scared to leave. I don't want to lose the people whos been there for me through what I could argue is some of the worst times of my life but then there's been loads of them.

Things are just so shit and its hard. I could say much more and talk about much more but I just dont have the energy.

amy02

Hey @Chloe234 just popping in to see how you've been the past couple of days. No worries if you don't have the energy to reply, that's completely understandable as I see how much you have on your mind at the moment

I'm so sorry to hear about your Aunt's diagnosis and also your situation with school. It sounds so difficult to cope with and can't imagine how hard it must be for you / your family. I hope it helps somewhat just getting things down and sharing with us.

I know from my own experience of cancer that a prognosis like that can throw up all sorts of feelings and reflections. I know it's difficult, but try not to be too hard on yourself and the thoughts that you've had. You've had a lot to deal with and I'm sure are just trying your best It's great that you have found some support in your school, and any change at this time is of course scary. Will you be able to keep in contact with those people who have helped you through?

Remember we are always here for you when you need to talk

Amy22

Hey @Chloe234 sorry to hear about your aunt's diagnosis and I am always here if you need someone. It does sound like a lot is going on for you at the moment. I am probably not the best at giving advice personally but I can listen to you .


Sending hugs,

Amy22

Chloe234

amy02 wrote: »

Will you be able to keep in contact with those people who have helped you through?

Remember we are always here for you when you need to talk

Thankyou @amy02 they've said I'll still be allowed to keep in contact with them via their work emails (because of safeguarding) which will be good but it won't be the same ofc

Thankyou @Amy22 I appreciate it

Amy22

@Chloe234 No worries I am always here. Knowing someone even having a family member dealing with cancer can be very very hard so I know how tricky it must be for you at the moment.