Ex Muslim: desperate loneliness

dyoverdx

I lost my religion and, simultaneously, my identity. This was when I was younger and it triggered a chain reaction of despair and was a contributing factor to my mental health problems.
I feel like everyone is believing a lie and I feel really lonely. I can’t relate to anyone who was in my peer groups in school as the where nearly all Muslim.
I’m an atheist but I feel like I have to hide behind a mask and I can’t express myself without being superficial.
I feel like an anomaly in my family. People judge me for being sectioned and treat me as a pariah and it’s just upsetting. And I hate the fake people in my family giving me condescending advice when they don’t know my circumstances enough. Is there anyone out there who can relate? I need to talk to someone who knows what it feels like.

JustV

It's a big thing to lose your community like that, @dyoverdx. It sounds like you need to find your (new) people - somewhere you can belong and be unapologetically you.

I can't relate to the ostracisation you're describing, but I did grow up somewhere rural around people I never really felt connected to, and as a result I felt very lonely. It changed as I got older and I met new people, and I found my footing with who I am as a person.

I'm curious what that process was like for you though, if you don't mind me asking. When did you start identifying as atheist, and what triggered it?

Also, you say you hide behind a mask: does that mean people in your life don't know?

For what it's worth, you can be whoever you want to be here.

dyoverdx

JustV wrote: »

I'm curious what that process was like for you though, if you don't mind me asking. When did you start identifying as atheist, and what triggered it?

Also, you say you hide behind a mask: does that mean people in your life don't know?

For what it's worth, you can be whoever you want to be here.

When I was a teenager and I saw stuff online and then I started to question the idea of god. Also all the suffering in the world especially on people I love.
And no I’m more open to people I don’t know.

spoon

I am also ex-muslim and its tough, you are not alone

dyoverdx

spoon wrote: »

I am also ex-muslim and its tough, you are not alone

How do you cope with it?

I find that females have it even more tough due to doing things they don’t really want to do such as covering up.

I’m lucky in that sense

spoon

How do you cope with it?

I guess I'm lucky I don't have to wear a hijab. I have to be a bit secretive around my family as I'd rather just keep things peaceful, but I have close friends who know about my identity. It does suck, because I hate lying and keeping secrets, but at least I'm being honest with myself.

ameliaJayne

@dyoverdx I imagine this must be really difficult going against what your family and majority of your peers follow.

Remember you are doing the right thing by staying true to yourself. It is so important that you remind yourself that you are worthy of your own opinion and own path in life. There is no right or wrong. Life is so beautiful because you can change, grow and find a new identity whenever you feel like it. Sending you strength and support on your new journey.

You are always welcome here and you can be whoever you want.