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Still struggling
TheNightmare
Posts: 2,587 Boards Guru
Im struggling atm like, I have posted a lot recently about whats happened recently like its getting repetitive a lot now. I just prefer to talk here about it like its 24/7 like I can post when I want about it, I think its good like several people that I don't know personally will read / reply to these discussions like its anonymous prettty much and theres a few more reasons. Anyway the majority of you probably know, I started a course for forklift driving nearly 2 weeks ago when typing this. I was actually thinking about this industry for a few months prior to starting the course, I was feeling better as a lot of you probably know that I have not really been doing much work wise for a bit of time now, I thought forklift driving was going to my career for a few months. I was thinking more serious about it December time like I found a training company which they on the phone seemed really good, friendly and everything so I got it booked in. They said I can come for a look round if I want just to check it out and we did. I went for a look round I think just before when they were closing for Christmas, got some information about the course, saw the trucks, they told me what I needed, just steel toe cap boots which I already had and a high vis vest which I bought.
Obviously started, 2 weeks ago on Monday, it was 22nd of January. My first day, we went through a lot of safety like films etc of accidents that happened and just loads of safety rules. We did get to driving the trucks too, it was a group so we take turns, the instructor 1 by 1 teaches each person to do something. I think it went ok the first day and 2nd day too. I was just tired when I got home. On the 3rd day I knew I wasn't doing as well as the others or as I should be. The instructor said I need a lot more work on things but I atleast thought Id end up finishing the week then going from there. The 4th day so this was Thursday at this point, it was maybe about 1pm, the instructor sent the others to get lunch and gave me extra training. I did a few minutes then I was still making mistakes. We stopped, he said switch the vehicle off, I just knew he was going to send me home which he did, he basically said its not for me and he is gonna have to let me go. He said I am not getting it quickly enough, he still has my theory stuff to do with me yet and said I am meant to be doing my test the next day. He came to the classroom with me, he told the people on the course he's sending me home, then I just packed my stuff and went home. It didnt sink in straight away, then it was just sinking mid on the drive home.
I got home, I was just shocked from what happened with it all tbh my uncle was already told about it all as they phoned him. It just felt so shit after coming terms with it all, I just had loads of thoughts and feelings, like verges of crying, feeling very hopeless, blaming myself, thinking is there something wrong with me, why was I not able to do it, I absolutely flopped it, whsts next etc like it wasn't easy. Now even now I just feel a hopeless a bit, knocked in confidence, I'm just back to square one at home and flopped the goal. I dont know what to do still. I'm still not sure on what to do next, just thinking, im knocked in confidence a bit atm because I'm scared whatever I do next what if I fail with that too, I feel like I can't do anything right. I was previously so demotivated then I tried something and messed it up. I do feel better now though than I did straight after it all happened like I think they should have gave me extra training or sorted out anything instead of just letting me go. Also when the company rang my uncle saying its not for me, they were asking if I was on the spectrum for autism, which is extremely invasive like how rude did they wanna be? Diagnosing me after knowing me for a few days. Imo it's absoutely terrible behaviour considering they kicked me off then were trying to diagnose me when they arent doctors and its also very personal. Someone on here even questioned if they are even allowed to say shit like that which I don't even know either but shocking behaviour either way.
Anyway though, I just have still not feeling the best, I was debating on weather on posting again as I have done a few discussions on this now but I still not feeling 100 percent about it. Its upsetting, only a few weeks ago I felt like I knew what career I was going to do and had a plan to get into work really soon now I'm just back to doing nothing. I wanted to get things off my chest a bit more and I know a lot of you have probably given lots of advice, replies, support etc which I really appreciate genuinely. If you don't mind replying to this again and have a few minutes too please do.
Obviously started, 2 weeks ago on Monday, it was 22nd of January. My first day, we went through a lot of safety like films etc of accidents that happened and just loads of safety rules. We did get to driving the trucks too, it was a group so we take turns, the instructor 1 by 1 teaches each person to do something. I think it went ok the first day and 2nd day too. I was just tired when I got home. On the 3rd day I knew I wasn't doing as well as the others or as I should be. The instructor said I need a lot more work on things but I atleast thought Id end up finishing the week then going from there. The 4th day so this was Thursday at this point, it was maybe about 1pm, the instructor sent the others to get lunch and gave me extra training. I did a few minutes then I was still making mistakes. We stopped, he said switch the vehicle off, I just knew he was going to send me home which he did, he basically said its not for me and he is gonna have to let me go. He said I am not getting it quickly enough, he still has my theory stuff to do with me yet and said I am meant to be doing my test the next day. He came to the classroom with me, he told the people on the course he's sending me home, then I just packed my stuff and went home. It didnt sink in straight away, then it was just sinking mid on the drive home.
I got home, I was just shocked from what happened with it all tbh my uncle was already told about it all as they phoned him. It just felt so shit after coming terms with it all, I just had loads of thoughts and feelings, like verges of crying, feeling very hopeless, blaming myself, thinking is there something wrong with me, why was I not able to do it, I absolutely flopped it, whsts next etc like it wasn't easy. Now even now I just feel a hopeless a bit, knocked in confidence, I'm just back to square one at home and flopped the goal. I dont know what to do still. I'm still not sure on what to do next, just thinking, im knocked in confidence a bit atm because I'm scared whatever I do next what if I fail with that too, I feel like I can't do anything right. I was previously so demotivated then I tried something and messed it up. I do feel better now though than I did straight after it all happened like I think they should have gave me extra training or sorted out anything instead of just letting me go. Also when the company rang my uncle saying its not for me, they were asking if I was on the spectrum for autism, which is extremely invasive like how rude did they wanna be? Diagnosing me after knowing me for a few days. Imo it's absoutely terrible behaviour considering they kicked me off then were trying to diagnose me when they arent doctors and its also very personal. Someone on here even questioned if they are even allowed to say shit like that which I don't even know either but shocking behaviour either way.
Anyway though, I just have still not feeling the best, I was debating on weather on posting again as I have done a few discussions on this now but I still not feeling 100 percent about it. Its upsetting, only a few weeks ago I felt like I knew what career I was going to do and had a plan to get into work really soon now I'm just back to doing nothing. I wanted to get things off my chest a bit more and I know a lot of you have probably given lots of advice, replies, support etc which I really appreciate genuinely. If you don't mind replying to this again and have a few minutes too please do.
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Comments
Just checking in to see how you are doing?
I agree with what @amy02 has said
We're here for you
@amy02 hi, thanks for replying. It was pretty upsetting especially considering I had a plan for it for ages. Setbacks can be a useful direction for another path like maybe that industry wasn't for me. I'm still not sure what is for me to be honest or what I would be good at or enjoy etc. I have tried to think what I would do well but I'm not sure, I thought this would go om to be honest and it didn't. I think I still am worthy of finding something but maybe it might be just a simple job a first. Hopefully it won't be too much time because it sucks being in this situation.
Hey @Stephanie , I'm a bit better now thanks, just so glad this is here for me, I have comments like yours checking up on me and several others. I really appreciate it.
I am also really sorry that they asked your uncle such a personal question. I have to agree that is unprofessional so I totally sympathise with you there! Potentially you wouldn't want to work for someone like this anyway!
It can take people many years to find the correct career that suits them and the process to finding the job meant for you may take many tries and unfortunately that means being rejected every now and then. However that being said, not all rejection is bad! I heard once: rejection = redirection! I love this and I think it is really relevant to your situation. I hope you see this as guidance to where you are supposed to be. Please don't give up as you have so got this. Proud of you.
Also thanks to anyone who hearted too.
@ameliaJayne thanks for this, I really appreciate it and nice name btw lol