I'm a 27 year old virgin and I feel like I'm a total loser

BillieTheBot

This discussion was created from comments split from: The 'I need a hug' thread - please read first post before posting .

urfinallyanonymous

I'm a 27 year old virgin and I feel like I’m a total loser. For what must be nearly 4 years now I’ve now been able to avoid the fact I’ve been going bald. Now that I think about it, since I also can’t get over I haven’t dated someone in what must be 5 years, this realisation is a large contributing factor. My short height, round face, poor eyesight and gyno makes me dissatisfied with my body. I put effort into it but I have to be constantly cold to look toned, great.

It’s me as a person that I’m conflicted with. I’m naturally a sociable person and have a naturally very good ability to get on with people. I’m funny, I have a good voice used towards an interesting hobby I love (hospital radio), my interest in physical exercise and diet is healthy and something I also enjoy, I’m naturally very compassionate, I like talking with people, I enjoy dressing well, I’m a hard worker. That’s everything I think. Yet I’m always lonely. And am romantically absolutely inept. Have few friends. How much is this down to my personality? I get told most frequently that I’m ‘too nice’ and ‘I beat myself up too much.’ Nice guy syndrome? I don’t think so, I don’t try to be a nice guy, I’ve always been like this, as young as 3 years old I’ve been like this. But how much is it that? I’m not lying to myself, women I’ve been interested are always taken. Every time. I can’t stand dating sites, I want to meet people in person. But I’m not a drinker, so that negates the vast majority of ways to meet people. Still, 3 years I’ve been at uni, a choice of study that is majority female and had nothing.

I’m going to have to talk to someone about this. I’ve went back to nights daydreaming about death and being forgotten. It can’t be bad luck for this to be my situation, it has to be me, but there’s the paradox, I’m lonely and dislike myself for it, and because I feel this way I’m lonely. Maybes I’m already physically unattractive and the hair going will make me even less so. Or maybes there’s a glaring fault about my personality that’s the reasoning. I don’t know. Mental Health Nursing student with bad mental health isn’t a good combo.

paulryaner

I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. It's important to recognize that your worth is not determined by external factors such as physical appearance or relationship status. Your qualities, such as being sociable, funny, compassionate, and a hard worker, are valuable and contribute positively to who you are.

It's understandable that concerns about physical appearance and struggles with loneliness can take a toll on mental health. Consider reaching out to a mental health professional or counselor to discuss your feelings and explore strategies to cope with these challenges. It's commendable that you are considering talking to someone about it.

Remember, it's okay to seek support and prioritize your mental well-being. Engaging in activities you enjoy, such as your hospital radio hobby or physical exercise, can be helpful in maintaining a positive mindset. Relationships and dating are personal journeys that can take time, and there's no need to rush or compare yourself to others.

If you're open to it, exploring social opportunities within your university or community, beyond traditional methods, might help you meet new people with shared interests. And, of course, being kind to yourself is crucial – you deserve compassion and understanding.

ameliaJayne

@urfinallyanonymous well done for reaching out and talking about the issue rather than keeping it to yourself.

You sound like you have a wonderful personality. You seem to really care about others and have some healthy interests too which is amazing -give yourself more credit for this! Please be kinder to yourself about the way you look. What is defined as beautiful is different for each individual and true beauty comes from within. The way you look does not equate to your worth. Remind yourself of this everyday. There is someone out there who will 100% see this beauty in you too, even if you cant see it yourself at the moment.

Loving yourself can be a really difficult journey with many ups and downs but it is really worth sticking to.

I would like to say that just because you are a training mental health nurse does not mean that you should have perfect mental health. We are all human and everyone's mental health will fluctuate across their lifetime. Please don't beat yourself up about this. If you are struggling and think you would benefit from some help potentially reaching out to your gp to get put on a waiting list for talk therapy might be beneficial. I know that therapy can be centred around attributes such as working on self esteem.

Sending you lots of strength. You got this and you will figure it all out. Small steps everyday.