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Helplines quick to get rid of me
I just don't know if I am overreacting or not - I don't know if it's the way I act or what I say? I always start by mentioning how suicidal I am and my bpd diagnosis, they kinda chat about a wee bit and then are just really really quick to refer me to other helplines - like the Samaritans told me to contact the mix or shout when I'm in a crisis, shout tells me to go to the mix, but then the mix helpline is only open for a really short window of time so they advice going to shout or Samaritans. I even had 2 helplines last night just close their chats on me too, I don't know if it was a connection problem or something like that, but it all just seems too planned for that. Anywhere I fucking go either they don't want to deal with me or I have to run the risk of having police called on me - I mean they've never shown up in the past anyways. Am I that much of a burden to everyone - even the police fail to do their job because I'm just that much of a waste of space. I can see why people think I'm overreacting or attention seeking but seeing I've put myself in hospital before - doesn't that show I need more support than the none I get now????