catching feelings

Former Member

i have a bf but i keep catchinf feelings for other people. i dont act on it but i secretly hope these other people like me back even though i wouldnt be able to let it go anywhere. it's shitty and i feel incredibly guilty but idk what to do. it comes and goes so sometimes there'll be like a month when i only want my boyfriend and no one else matters but then sometimes I'll fimd myself simping for other people too. i try my best to shove it out of my head because it really isnt fair on my boyfriend and i really do csre about him but i keep having sex dreams about other people and i just feelnso so guilty. like my best friend, i dont even have feelings for her but i had a sex dream about her and now i csnt stop thinking about her. or my other best friend, he's so sweet and i get butterflies sometimes when he talks to me but that's just horrific and unfair and idk how to stop. I'm not a shitty person and I'm not a cheat but i just dont know what to do. I would speak to my bf but our relatiomship isnt in the best place rn and if i talk to him about this it could just make things a lot lot worse.

Former Member

Would you prefer to be in an open relationship?

Former Member

@David my bf and i have discussed open relationships and polygamy in the past and csme to the conclusion it's not for us

Former Member

It seems you like being in a monogamous relationship, yet also want to play the field. Obviously, you can't do both simultaneously. Did you have many lovers before starting your current relationship?

Former Member

@David well no i don't want to 'play the field'. I'm not looking around for someone to fuck me or love me or be with me, I'm just like catching feelimgs for people yk? I'm not choosing to.

ive have been in relationships before this one, just not one like this. i guess this is the most real relationship I've had.

Former Member

You want to be committed to him & to no longer be attracted to anyone else?

Former Member

@David yeah. that's how it's meant to be. i feel so guilty.

either that or i want to break up with him (for many other reasons too) but that's not an option

Former Member

Does he know that you're often attracted to other people?

Former Member

@David no. i cant tell him

Former Member

Do you know if he's ever attracted to anyone else?

Former Member

@David he's very committed to me and loyal. it just makes me feel even more guilty

sputnik

Hi @Xee ,

I'm not exactly experienced in this area haha, but I really don't think you should feel bad about feeling attracted to other people when you're in a relationship - as you say, you can't choose who you're attracted to - you're human! I imagine this is something many people experience, though they may not talk about it because of the same feelings of fear/shame you're describing. Especially when you're young and experiencing lots of new things, relationships being one of them, it makes sense that you'd feel attraction for different people at different times. The important thing is that you're not acting on those feelings, and that if you did intend to act on them that you broke up with your boyfriend first. Maybe you just need to give it time and see, you might find that those feelings are actually your mind saying that you do want to be with someone different, or they might just be passing by. It's hard when there are so many different thoughts and feelings and hormones etc all going on at once, to know what you really want and how you feel, so please don't feel bad about it

AnonymousToe

Hi @Xee
I just wanted to kind of repeat what Sputnik said- you can’t help being attracted to people, and what matters is that you’re not acting on that. I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong. I know nothing about relationships but still lol. You’re not doing it on purpose, and you’re not acting on these thoughts. That’s all I’d expect from a partner