I'm not good enough?

Former Member

I had a friend with an attractive sister; I was pleased she was attracted to me & we enjoyed a fling. He was angry with both of us about that; us truthfully telling him that we always used condoms made him even more angry. After ridiculously objecting on the grounds that "she's too young" (she & I were both in our early 20s), he said that I'm nowhere near good enough for her. I was puzzled by that & asked him why he considered me good enough to be his friend, but not good enough to be involved with her. He responded with unreasonable claims such as: "she's the family's princess", "girls always date up" & "it goes against guy code".

I can't really relate to being in his position, as I've never had a sister, although I can't imagine I'd react the way he did to an adult sister being involved with a friend of mine. I wouldn't expect her to be celibate.

He had a far higher body count than me, which included having flings with the sisters, girl cousins & even GFs of his friends, so he didn't practice what he preached.

As a result of the hostility, which included their parents siding with him regarding me not being good enough for their "precious princess", both the friendship & the fling soon ended & I'm no longer in contact with either of them.

Past User

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Former Member

Her family were heavily biased & had a ridiculously inflated view of her. His parents, like many others, want a player son who has a very high body count & a choosy daughter who has a very low body count. My elder brother has never cared about me & I don't have a sister, so I can't relate to being in her brother's position.

It's one of many instances in which I've been made to feel I'm not good enough.

Past User

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Former Member

I've noticed many parents' very different attitudes towards & expectations of their sons compared to their daughters. Having a player son who has a high body count is something to be proud of, indicating he's of high value, popular, charming, charismatic, handsome etc. Scientists don't have a female equivalent of the sexy son hypothesis. Daughters are expected to be discerning & to date up. She'll be expected to wait for & be swept off her feet by a mythical monogamous version of a Chad. The ridiculous lock & key analogy is often stated: a key which opens many locks is a master key but a lock which can be opened by many keys is a bad lock. A daughter or sister becoming a teenage single mother & living in poverty is a major fear, but the chances of a man being left to raise a baby on his own is so unlikely that few people fear that will happen to their son or brother. In some cultures, it's not rare for girls to be the victims of honour killings by their families for not following expectations imposed upon them by their family & community.

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I disagree with the sexist double standards & I'm surprised that they've persisted so much despite many people & organisations saying that they want gender equality. Of course, most of those pushing for gender equality only want it selectively. It varies by culture, but it's there to varying extents in all of them. Not all parents have double standards, but most do. Many wrongly assume that their daughters are virgins & refuse to accept their pregnancies. It's common that they'll insist that their daughter can't be pregnant, despite a test proving she is. When asked why they say their daughter can't be pregnant, they'll say "because she's a virgin". When asked why they insist their pregnant daughter is a virgin, they say "because she's never had a boyfriend". How can they not know that millions of girls have BFs without their parents knowing? It's common knowledge. Also, why would they think that not having had a BF means she can't be pregnant? She could've had a fling, a one-night stand or have been raped.

Huge differences in gender roles persist in dating. Typically, men date down; women date up. For example, a rich man with a poor waitress is commonplace. A rich woman with a poor waiter is rare, unless it's only a fling & he's handsome. A poor, 20-y-o waitress of average looks will be highly desired. She'll have many opportunities to be taken out, showered with expensive gifts etc. by rich men. A poor, 20-y-o waiter of average looks would be routinely rejected & considered worthless. The large majority of men aren't valued; only what they provide is. If a man stops providing, his partner will typically quickly end their relationship & in most cases find a new man to provide for her. More men want as their partner a poor, 20-y-o waitress who has no qualifications than want a 40-y-o genius, multimillionaire businesswoman with a PhD. Very few women would prefer a poor, 20-y-o waiter with no qualifications over a 40-y-o genius, multimillionaire businessman with a PhD. If the waiter is handsome, some cougars would want a fling with him - but not a LTR.

In the vast majority of cases, being male means having the burden of approaching, as well as initiating & leading conversation with female strangers/acquaintances, chatting them up, asking them out, taking them out, paying for the date etc. All she typically does it turn up & eat a meal for free. If he doesn't do those things, he's very unlikely to get sex. Even if he does do all those things, in most cases he won't get sex. Most first dates are a sexless dead end - no sex, no second date. She may spend a lot of time getting ready for her date, but she already owns the dress, shoes, handbag, make-up etc. She didn't buy any of it especially for the date & she'll wear the same things on a night out with her female friends. She may spend an hour or two getting ready, but she'll do likewise for a night out with her female friends.

Popular YouTuber Sambucha, who doesn't have kids but is sure he will, has answered many questions about his future parenting, including at what age he will allow his kids to go on dates. He seriously said that his son may date as soon as he can afford to, but his daughter will never be allowed to.

Many feminists say that 50% of MPs, CEOs & scientists should be female. None of them say likewise for forestry workers, sewage workers, oil riggers, mechanics, firefighters, police, soldiers, plumbers, carpenters or builders. There are some jobs which few women apply for; likewise few men apply to be receptionists. That's also the main reason for the 'gender pay gap' - firefighters rightly earn a lot more than hairdressers do.