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Unsure if I should take antidepressants
PetiteQuark
Posts: 82 Budding Regular
So ive been prescribed a very low dose of propanolol by the gp, bc i have terrible anxiety and ive tried camhs and they havent even responded after, years and i feel like taking medications would be quicker than therapy and im not even sure if ill even get therapy bc the waiting list is so long. My mum said not to take antidepressants, and that i dont listen to her, she wants me to do 'exposure therapy' and all that does is make things worse, my mum told me that antidepressants will make me go even more insane, i understand that they make you emotionally dull etc sometimes but normally i dont rlly show emotions alot anyway(i look sad because of my downturned lips) so im not sure whether to take them or not.
Also kinda off topic, but sometimes i still feel extremely upset because i feel like a bad daughter, im not doing alevels because im that stupid, im not working either because anxiety, i remember i literally went to one college back in august with my gcse results and they basically told me to go away and give up, that 'my time was over, you shouldn't do physics, give up' and i still remember that. My mum had high hopes for me. She wanted me to do alevel biology and chemistry, though I had always wanted to do physics (i chose physics,maths and chemistry back in november 2022 for sixth form opening after my gcse mocks since i had loved physics for a very, very long time, but thats long ago,) i also feel like a bad daughter because im not very close with my dad, its not entirely my fault i understand that, my parents divorced when I was a toddler and neither my dad nor my 'stepdad' lived with me, my stepdad left too so I don't rlly have anyone, i still feel bad because im not close with my dad though, i dont think he is really that close with me either, i remember i never told him my gcse results until a few weeks after, and he told me to go find a job and im basically too stupid for alevels.
And then sometimes i wonder if whatever i feel even is real, they say that the cerebral cortex doesn't mature until 25 or so, so i wonder if, my feelings and thoughts don't mean anything?
Already i always get told im too young to feel upset or whatever, or whatever i feel is basically bs because im under the age of 20, which is kind of bs but who am i to argue? (pls can i turn 20 already so my emotions and thoughts can actually be real pleeease)
Also kinda off topic, but sometimes i still feel extremely upset because i feel like a bad daughter, im not doing alevels because im that stupid, im not working either because anxiety, i remember i literally went to one college back in august with my gcse results and they basically told me to go away and give up, that 'my time was over, you shouldn't do physics, give up' and i still remember that. My mum had high hopes for me. She wanted me to do alevel biology and chemistry, though I had always wanted to do physics (i chose physics,maths and chemistry back in november 2022 for sixth form opening after my gcse mocks since i had loved physics for a very, very long time, but thats long ago,) i also feel like a bad daughter because im not very close with my dad, its not entirely my fault i understand that, my parents divorced when I was a toddler and neither my dad nor my 'stepdad' lived with me, my stepdad left too so I don't rlly have anyone, i still feel bad because im not close with my dad though, i dont think he is really that close with me either, i remember i never told him my gcse results until a few weeks after, and he told me to go find a job and im basically too stupid for alevels.
And then sometimes i wonder if whatever i feel even is real, they say that the cerebral cortex doesn't mature until 25 or so, so i wonder if, my feelings and thoughts don't mean anything?
Already i always get told im too young to feel upset or whatever, or whatever i feel is basically bs because im under the age of 20, which is kind of bs but who am i to argue? (pls can i turn 20 already so my emotions and thoughts can actually be real pleeease)
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Comments
Medications are often best working alongside therapeutic treatment, but you're right, they can be a quick form of treatment/intervention. Waiting lists are long for therapy due to strain on the NHS but if you're interested it's better to say sooner rather than later so that you're at least on it, so it's maybe something to think about.
It's completely fine if you don't think exposure therapy is for you, there are lots of types of therapy out there that you could try, for example counselling where you have a safe space to speak about your current situation and have the opportunity to receive unbiased insight from others to reflect on your situation.
The decision is completely up to you. Interestingly I was in a position where I was told I should be on medication by someone who wasn't a medical professional. I know how unhelpful these comments can be, but try not to let them colour you're personal opinion on what you think you should do.
Your mum might be expressing concern over the fact that some antidepressants can have side effects such as initially making your mental health worse for the first 2 weeks that you go on them, but if you decide to take them, then your GP will make sure to check up regularly when you first start on them. I'm not saying it to scare you, but just to explain a bit better what your mum might mean.
Antidepressants can make you feel dull so it's maybe something to consider whether you want that for yourself or not, and it is something you could discuss with your GP if it feels like a concern. I personally benefit from antidepressants as I find my emotions extremely overwhelming so it helped taking something to help mute them a bit and bring them to a manageable level. Some aren't keen on the idea or have tried antidepressants and don't like the numb feeling, so it really depends on the person.
Additionally there are many antidepressants out there so it might be the case that one isn't working out so you try another and it seems like a much better fit. People respond differently to medications so typically after a couple of weeks of being on an antidepressant the GP will follow up, but they will not keep you on one that exacerbates your current symptoms.
You are not a bad daughter, and your life isn't defined by education and work, but I do understand how you're feeling in terms of work, I'm in a very similar position where I'm struggling to think of a job that would suit to my mental and physical needs. You're absolutely not stupid for not doing a-levels, education can be very difficult at times for various reasons.
I'm sorry to hear about how your college responded to the GCSE results. Try not to let anyone else determine what you study - it's up to you whether you want to study physics as you know yourself best, but please, whatever you're doing don't give up
I think your mum just wants the best for you but correct me if I'm wrong. I'm sorry about your relationship with your dad, but that doesn't mean you're a bad daughter in the slightest. Is it possible that you could speak to him about how you're feeling? He might not know you feel that way and could maybe figure something out like arranging to do something every week like go out to a cafe? If this doesn't sound like it would work, just ignore it but it's just a suggestion.
I understand you're feeling like you don't have anyone, but you do have this community on the Mix and we're always here to listen and support as best as we can
What you feel is absolutely real, regardless of whether your brain has fully developed or not and your feelings and thoughts are important, they're not necessarily meaningless, feelings often act as a form of communication to yourself, like feeling extremely irritated when you're hungry.
You're definitely not too young to feel upset, and I want to reassure you that your thoughts and feelings are real and valid, regardless of your age. Like I've said they often act as a form of communication to yourself or even others that you might be struggling.
Think about physical sensations such as pain from a scraped knee - whether you're 5 or 85 you're still likely going to feel that pain, regardless of age.
The same goes for our feelings.
It's really frustrating to have your feelings and thoughts go unheard as a result of your age and I get how difficult it is, I'm also waiting to grow out of receiving the "it's just your hormones" response.
Are you looking to take antidepressants alongside propranolol? Sorry, I’m just confused but in case you didn’t know - propranolol isn’t an antidepressant. I take it for anxiety and it eases the physical stuff (like racing heart, sweating, etc).
Antidepressants are different for everyone as well so it’s kind of difficult to give you a definitive answer of how it might be for you. I take an antidepressant too and it helps me. Sometimes my emotions do feel a little dull but it’s not a major problem for me. One thing though is that there are some extra side effects to be aware of if you take antidepressants under the age of 25. That’s probably best discussed with a doctor though - I don’t know enough about it and everyone’s experiences are different.
Your thoughts and emotions are definitely real!! Who’s told you they aren’t? Yes, the brain isn’t fully developed until like 25 but that doesn’t mean your brain is wrong or anything. I think it mainly just affects decision making but I’m not sure. I don’t think anything will suddenly change once you reach a certain age lol.
I hope antidepressants don’t make people go ‘more insane’ 🤣 I feel more stable on mine, but again maybe some people feel worse. Oh, also - it can take a while to adjust to an antidepressant so you can get side effects at first (people say it gets worse before it gets better). That might not happen to you though. It’s worth discussing your options with a doctor.
https://youngminds.org.uk/young-person/medications/
https://mind.org.uk/information-support/drugs-and-treatments/antidepressants-a-z/overview/
Sorry i got confused with antidepressants and beta blockers but no i told my gp that my mum wont let me have antidepressants (i regret sayinh that)
Thank you for your advice, i didn't know that antidepressants could actually make you feel worse for 2 weeks, and yeah, ill tell my dad about how i feel, but then i know its not entirely my fault that Im not close with my dad, some of the things he says aren't that nice (to me) like how he told me to just, quit trying in education and get a job or something when my gcse results weren't what I expected, i remember when I got my sats results back in year 6... And my dad said I'd probably end up as a domestic cleaner when I grow up, I still remember that. My mum always talks about her plans for my future, what she wanted me to become etc and it makes me feel upset, sometimes even reading about science makes me feel upset, i borrowed an alevel physics textbook to practice some stuff, and even that makes me feel hopeless and sad because, there's no point in trying... It doesn't help that i see the few friends i have (im a bit of an introvert), they're all in far better positions in life than I am.
I also feel like, ages 10-19 are the worst because of, lots of reasons, but then that's just my opinion, i feel that things start to get better at 20 but maybe that's just me trying to be hopeful.
That's fine, even if its 12 weeks, atleast l get better. Its just that my mum tells me not to.