TW - Eating problems

AnonymousToe

This is a very long story, so I’ll try and be brief.

First I stopped eating at school because of my social anxiety. Then (TW)

I withheld food to punish myself.

I kind of got over that last thing with some help, but still couldn’t eat at school so I just kept losing weight.

Fast forward to now, I’ve left school and I’m at home all the time. A few months ago I was really struggling and (TW)

felt like I didn’t deserve to eat

That was a terrifying experience and I’m still getting over it, but I don’t feel that way anymore.

For some reason I still struggle to eat properly now. I don’t have the energy to find something to eat, I get full really quickly and I just don’t like eating in general. I’m very picky and it sounds childish and stupid but I don’t know how to change that. My sleeping is messed up too (lol, obviously, posting this at almost 3am) so I end up missing breakfast and getting hungry late at night. I already struggle enough with insomnia so I don’t eat late in the evening in case that makes it worse.

It’s just a load of little things that have built up over years and now I’m terrified of how bad my health really is. I don’t know if I’m doing damage to myself, but I’m not doing it on purpose. (TW)

I’ve found gaining weight to be so difficult. I lose it by accident but can’t gain even when I try.

People get annoyed with me about it but I don’t like feeling hungry / exhausted all the time. I’d change it if I could, it just feels completely impossible. Does anyone know how to start eating more? I really don’t think I have an eating disorder, but I can’t work out what this is. I feel so alone in it, and I’m so afraid of what’s to come if I can’t sort this out.

Matthew_04

Hi @AnonymousToe
It sounds like you've been struggling with this for a really long time and I'm proud of you for having the courage to reach out
You do not sound childish or stupid at all, our eating and sleeping habits can be very tricky to change.

It's really positive that you are still reaching out for support despite others being frustrated when you have brought this up in the past, I am wondering if you've felt able to talk to anyone else you know who may be a bit more understanding and supportive of you? Your parents or maybe a trusted friend?

I've added a link to the charity Beat which may be able to offer some more support tailored to improving eating habits and next steps: https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/get-information-and-support/about-eating-disorders/do-i-have-an-eating-disorder
I've also linked an article on improving sleep via relaxation techniques and other methods which you might find helpful: https://www.themix.org.uk/mental-health/looking-after-yourself/how-can-i-sleep-better-at-night-45157.html

Let me know how you get on and remember that you're not alone in this

sammojimaker

i relate to being picky and not having appetite to eat i think i start building energy is with small meals to expand the stomach like easy to food like yogurt soup ice cream like liquids and just even if you aren't hungry try to each to get the body used to routine so you can eat more without getting full with the pickiness i try to find one nutritious meal that i LOVE and cant get enough of and that motivate me to each more of it also when you get more energy try to do a little movement because that makes you hungry and that makes a cycle where you will be hungry and able to eat large nutritious meals