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Can’t orgasm, advice please

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1 Just got here
So I need some help. I’m 36 (nearer 37) and have never had an orgasm. You read that right, I said never. I’m not here to be made to feel stupid or uncomfortable, I just need some help I guess. I’m married, and gay (does that make a difference?) I’ve had sex with both men and women in the past and neither made a difference. I’ve tried toys, masturbation, and porn.. On a medical note I have been to my GP and she has checked everything out and said there appears nothing wrong with my organs and thinks it’s in my head. I am on meds for anxiety and depression, which I know can cause issues, but it doesn’t explain the other 25 years which I wasn’t on meds and it still didn’t work!
Sex with my wife is good when she allows me it, but we haven’t had sex in over a year. I think a lot of it is down to her self confidence issues around her body, but she told me she feels guilty when she cums because she can’t make me do it. In turn this made me feel pretty shit. I feel like it’s my fault she doesn’t want to have sex with me, when I know realistically it’s probably not. But it’s in my mind.. I’ve also started questioning recently whether I might be trans.. so maybe it is my fault?!

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Community Manager Posts: 319 The Mix Regular
    edited December 2023
    Hello @confused_dot_com, and welcome to The Mix!

    You've done a really brave thing by sharing all of this with us. I can hear how this is causing some tension in your relationship with your wife, and how you're beginning to question your gender. That's a lot for one person to be holding - how does it feel to have shared it with us here? We really do appreciate your trust in opening up <3

    Here at The Mix, we're a support service designed specifically for young people under the age of 25. That means that the lived experience that exists within this community may not be best placed to support you at the moment. We want to make sure that you can access the appropriate support that you deserve, so I've shared below a few organisations who you might be interested in:
    Side by Side - An online community, run by Mind, for anyone over the age of 18. There, you can listen and be heard: https://sidebyside.mind.org.uk/

    Switchboard - Switchboard provide an information, support and referral service for lesbians, gay men and bisexual and trans people – and anyone considering issues around their sexuality and/or gender identity. You can find out about their helpline and live webchat on their website: https://switchboard.lgbt/how-we-can-help/

    Thank you again for reaching out for support, and I hope you're able to seek the support that you deserve.

    Take good care @confused_dot_com,
    Harry
  • Former MemberFormer Member Doc Posts: 20 Boards Initiate
    It isnt your fault at all, youve tried to figure out what is going on and it seems its not something you can control . The best thing you can do right now is talk to your wife regarding everything youve mentioned : your gender identity, her body image issues, and the fact that you feel guilty about not being able to orgasm . Talking is the hardest thing to do sometimes, but equally... communication mulling things over, and a whole lot of confusion is a big part of any relationship .
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