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Random Vent

cc_ilariacc_ilaria Community Champion Posts: 79 Budding Regular
I don’t usually share how I feel, ever. :’) I think the only place I would feel comfortable sharing is on here, via discussion boards. I don’t know why, it feels easier.

I’m so exhausted right now, with all the worry and chaos that’s going on. My ocd is really bad and has been for years, I’ve broken 3 phones this month (not like super expensive ones i usually just buy cheap expensive replacements) because im just a mess. I hear a word, see something on my phone that’s related to ocd and past events that aren’t nice I freak and have to clean it loads, and clean everything around me over and over again to make things okay, and prevent things my head says will happen if I don’t. Its happened for years and its exhausting. I have talked to people in the past, but it’s my fault why I can’t get better. I can’t say the truth, can’t say what its on. Either its too embarrassing or its personal, things that have happened to me in the past that I cannot share and it feels awful, i feel so trapped with it all.

I recently quit college, I had hope I could actually do something good, for once. Just make people proud. but I failed. OCD prevents me from leaving the house most of the time. It never stops, if it’s not washing things its counting, its repeating phrases in my head, switching things on and off, walking a certain way, tapping things. Just anything my head says it doesn’t stop its exhausting. Lots of the time I cant leave the house, I couldn’t attend school for nearly 3 years at high school. Now bye bye college ;/ people don’t realise how bad ocd can be. It’s always “im so ocd” when people talk about liking things clean and neat, but its so so much more than that.

It’s just my life at this point, if i try not listen to them I become so overwhelmed, harm myself more, I start feeling physically sick and cant get the feelings and thoughts off for days.

Thank you for listening,
If anyone else reading this has ever experienced ocd im sending you a massive hug 🫂💜 its a horrible thing to go through

lunarcat522JJLemon18

Comments

  • lunarcat522lunarcat522 Posts: 324 The Mix Regular
    Hi @cc_ilaria well done for reaching out, it's a really good first step. I'm sorry to hear you're struggling with OCD, it sounds exhausting. Is there anything you could do with your time as a hobby to enjoy yourself or give you a distraction? When I'm struggling with my mental health I really benefit from listening to music, but it varies from person to person. Have you ever reached out to the doctor about it if it's affecting most of your life including home? I'm not sure if you've ever tried CBT but it might help at least in understanding the thought patterns and behaviours and find coping mechanisms for dealing with them as they come. It's not something that works for everyone but it's a potential option to help give you a sense of control back. We're here for you if you want to talk about things further, I hope things get easier for you <3
    cc_ilaria
  • cc_ilariacc_ilaria Community Champion Posts: 79 Budding Regular
    Hey @lunarcat522 thank you so much for replying, you’re so sweet 💜
    My ocd is just a nightmare honestly, I can’t start hobbies that I really like as a distraction because when the ocd starts and I experience the thoughts around memories I feel like I’ve contaminated that hobby with my thoughts and my mind spirals and I can’t do it anymore. It sucks ;/

    I’ve been to doctors, mental health day units and I’ve done cbt. Since i was 11 D: I do really just need to speak honestly on what it’s about but that scares me. Thank you so much for listening though, it’s just nice to feel heard :)

    Have a wonderful day, always here for you too
    lunarcat522
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